The Greatness Project

Willpower or Won't-power: Your Choice

2011-11-15T17:24:00.000-08:00

At the age of 17 I asked my parents for a guitar. “No” they replied. “We bought you a piano (when I was 10) and you quit. You want to play guitar, you earn the money, buy the guitar and pay for the lessons.” I did earn the money, bought the guitar, taught myself how to play and had years of enjoyment. (I still play occasionally) But that “no” taught me more than just how to be stubborn. It taught me that if I want something I have to do the work to get it.

We live in a society that eschews delayed gratification. Everything is instant; instant food, cash, entertainment, etc. We get upset when the download speed of our computer or smart phone is not fast enough. Sadly this instant gratification has much to do with lack of success and achievement.
“Willpower is a muscle,” states psychologist Roy Baumeister in his latest book, Willpower. It gets depleted as we move through the day. The more we need to use it, it gradually weakens. Yet, it is willpower precisely that helps us complete assignments, run 10Ks, build houses, tend gardens, and do whatever else we want to accomplish in life. The challenge is that we live in a society and time where willpower is admired from a distance, but is not a constant in many of our lives. The good news from Baumeister is that when we use willpower over and over, we can strengthen it. The better news is that anywhere we practice willpower (e.g., making the bed every morning) it increases willpower in other areas.

Why does this matter to personal greatness? When I facilitate workshops on personal greatness what keeps most people from accomplishing their goals is that they aren’t willing to put in the work necessary to get things done. Though I know personally how daunting some goals seem, I’ve learned that giving up easily, or not starting at all is the surest way to guarantee that something won’t happen; that’s won’t-power. But making a choice to try, even if you might fail, provides a sense of accomplishment much deeper than just sitting and dreaming.

So, what happens when you hear “no” from someone, or even yourself? Do you become more determined to succeed, or just give up? Even trying a little to achieve what you want increases your willpower and it brings you one step closer to achieving what you hope to achieve.

Continuous Improvement (kaisen)

2011-10-25T04:11:00.000-07:00

Are great individuals in a perpetual state of discomfort? Are they always looking for the next level to attain? These questions haunt me as I fly to Tokyo to facilitate a workshop for senior managers. I was reading a briefing sheet on interacting with Japanese in business. In the reading I came across Kaisen which is the Japanese concept of continuous improvement. Though I study and promote personal greatness, I wonder at the psychological toll of always thinking things are never good enough. Can an individual rest and be satisfied with what they have accomplished while pursuing their best? I believe so.

There is a balance that great individuals have, a creative tension that allows them to realize what they’ve accomplished yet simultaneously strive to achieve or be more. They can be comfortable in their own history, knowing that they have done what they needed to do in the past and simultaneously they long for a better future for themselves.

Many of us are too hard on ourselves. I know I am. Longing to achieve something, change our lives, make a breakthrough, or just be a better person, we don’t acknowledge who we are now and what we’ve done. Either we tend to live for the future of who we can or may be, or we give up, not wanting to live in the discomfort of realistically examining our lives. We just don’t look.

There is an old Latin phrase “En media stat virtus” or “virtue is found in the middle.” The balance can be found by loving ourselves for who we are right now with all of our flaws, foibles, folly, and success while gradually moving toward living out our personal greatness. The two concepts are not mutually exclusive. Yet the balance, once achieved, allows us to acknowledge the goodness of who we are, while still pursuing something more. It is the real continuous improvement and one that leads to personal greatness.

Are You A Fish?

2011-10-05T03:59:00.000-07:00

Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid. A. Einstein

Ever examined your life and thought you were a fish trying to climb a tree because that's what everyone told you to do? We live in a complex world that directs and pressures us from early childhood to live how society wants us to live and be what society wants us to be. Uncovering our own essence is not as easy as some might have us believe. Taking a few days to listen to our inner desires will not cast off decades of external pressure and allow us to shine in the unique light of who we really are. However, each of us does have unique gifts and talents we bring to the world. When we unleash our gifts, our lives and the lives of those around us, can be transformed.

Where do we begin? Well, the easiest way to begin is by examining our life and looking for those areas where we really shine, where we naturally enjoy doing something and we do it well. We might realize that we are a gifted listener, writer, friend, artist, or anything else. But the key is to realistically examine what we love to do and what transforms moments for us. Most likely that is our gift.

What next? Gradually we can start doing more and more of what we love and do well. Do it slowly, otherwise our family, friends and co-workers will wonder at the change in behavior, but commit to the change. Eventually we will find ourselves taking time daily to embrace our gift.

When we meet someone who has uncovered and uses their gift we know it. They live with energy and zeal, and they always try to be true to their gift. They don't try climbing trees, when they know they are a fish.

In a fog?

2011-09-25T05:06:00.000-07:00

Walking along the boardwalk last week in Asbury Park, NJ I was enveloped by a dense fog rolling off the ocean. At times I could not see 15 feet in front of me and then it would clear a bit. The fog altered my vision, changed my direction and hindered a direct path to where I wanted to go.

Though the fog off the ocean was beautiful it reminded me of how we can be caught up in a personal fog obscuring who we really are from ourselves. Great individuals have a clarity and frankness about who they are, what they've accomplished and what they have to do next. One of the inhibitors of personal to many of us is that we don't really have a clear view of ourselves.

For some of us our "self-portrait" has been created by what others have told us. Outside perspective and feedback is important, but people also tend to tell others what they "should" do and how they "must" act. Taking on those demands we can mistakenly alter our own focus and clarity of who we are and what we are called to do. Additionally we can be our own fog machine. Being overly optimistic about our skills and abilities can hinder rather than help us.

Being totally honest with ourselves about our skills and abilities is a step toward our personal greatness. Once we look clearly at ourselves we understand the assets we have and also the liabilities, the strengths and weaknesses. That is when we can plan and move forward.

A foggy beach can be a peaceful experience, but not a foggy self-awareness. If we are honest with ourselves, we will be more at peace and be better able to focus on where we want to be and what we need to get there.

Take a Break. Achieve Greatness

2011-09-15T12:55:00.000-07:00

Labor Day is past and most of us have returned to our rapid pace lives. But some of us never stopped or even slowed down. Though we are approximately 23rd in the world in productivity the United States is first in the least amount of vacation taken. Yet I'll be the first to admit that it feels good to accomplish things, to work hard and see something at the end of the day. Just sitting around is not my idea of a good time. And people always challenge me that you won't get to greatness by relaxing. Well, we might want to rethink that idea. I know. It seems crazy to encourage people to find their greatness on one hand and tell them to relax on the other. There is a place for both. And, there is some good evidence that relaxing, even in small amounts, can change our productivity. There is an article in the June 2010 issue of Educational Psychology that highlights a very interesting study. With exams approaching, Günter Krampen, Ph.D. taught a group of students how to do a relaxation meditation. All of the students in each grade took the same exams and then were given 4 minutes to relax. At the end of the 4 minutes they could look over their writing one more time before handing it in. The group trained in relaxation mediation did better initially on the exam, but after using the 4 minutes for relaxation meditation, they made more corrections and better ones than those who were not taught relaxation meditation. Overall, they outperformed the control group significantly. The past few months have taught me something. I don't remember how to relax. Perhaps I knew it once, but I've forgotten it. Yet now, as I try to recover relaxation I am finding myself more productive, creative and less tense. So, getting to greatness by taking a break now and then... there's an idea to pursue.

Good Enough Is Not Enough

2011-08-22T10:16:00.000-07:00

Two days ago I posted the following quote by Charles Kendall Adams on The Greatness Project Facebook page. "No one ever attains very eminent success by simply doing what is required of him or her: it is the amount and excellence of what is over and above the required, that determines the greatness of ultimate distinction." Yet we live in a society seemingly focused on delivering what is just good enough. Some people barely give what is expected of them, yet expect high praise or high pay in return.

For a moment think of those you've encountered in the past week who've gone over and above what they were supposed to do. Some of the waiters, delivery men, artisans, and professionals stand out in my memory because they didn't just offer what they were supposed to, they went above and beyond what was required.

Great individuals desire to pursue excellence and that desire drives them to outperform others rather than offer a mediocre service, product or effort. When you encounter them you are changed for the moment because you see the higher possibilities for yourself and everyone.

Perhaps the important question is how do people experience us? Do they experience someone who goes above and beyond and transforms the moment? I have found that when I give the extra effort in almost anything, whether or not someone notices, I feel the elation of giving it my best and not just giving up when it is good enough.

My Latest Article on Positive Psychology News Daily

2011-08-11T13:48:00.000-07:00

Though I wrote about the motivation of a child, Edward Deci's research can easily be applied to yourself, or your company. Click on the link Moving From "I Must..." to "I Want To." for the article, or go to www.positivepsychologynews.com. Enjoy.

There's Got To Be a Morning After

2011-08-06T13:10:00.000-07:00

Keeping healthy has been a life-long activity. But now that I'm 54 it takes on added importance and added challenge. I'm no olympic athlete, and not even a top amateur, but I'm consistent in my physical pursuits whether basketball, tennis, biking or running. What I've learned from great individuals is that they are consistent about practice and performance no matter what their area of focus. But sometimes it's just hard.

Yesterday I spent 7 hours cleaning out my basement. We rented a dumpster and loaded in all of the crap that had been left by the previous owners; doors, old wood, windows and much more. We filled the dumpster in one day! Okay, then comes this morning. Getting out of bed I could hardly move. I thought about running and thought "no way." But finally I put on my sneakers and said to myself, "at least go for a good walk." About halfway through the walk I felt limber enough that I started running. I was surprised at how good I felt afterward.

What I've learned is that if you want to be great, heck, if you even just want to be good, consistency matters. But what really helps is to do something, anything, that moves you toward whatever you want to be good at. And, let's face it, for all of us there are those mornings when we don't feel like doing anything. But you know what? Lace up the sneakers, pick up the pen, sit down at the piano and just start. Even doing a little will make you feel much better and you will be better for it.

Little "p" Passion

2011-08-03T07:16:00.000-07:00

"Follow your passion." Isn't that the advice we hear from so many motivational speakers? Well, the research does support the fact that individuals who have Passion for what they do tend to outperform others. But how do we discover our Passion? I've found it's not as easy as it's made out to be. I keep waiting for some sort of sign, a billboard would be nice, that says "Scott, here is your Passion for your life." Then I'd be all set. What I believe is that we won't find it, we have to choose it. So, how do we go about choosing our life's Passion? Choose little passions.

All of us know what we love to do. Come on, with a little thought, everyone of us can think of something we love to to. What I believe is that we all have little "p" passions. These are things we love to do, but they aren't big enough to be our overall goal in life. However I think they can lead us to our life Passion. Choose one passion each day to focus on and see how your day changes. Today I'm focusing on enjoying each moment. It is a passion of mine though I'm not too good at it. But I find when I focus on this passion, I'm more motivated throughout my day. And it's telling me more about how I want to live my life. Maybe I'll find my big Passion. For today, the little passion is enough.

I've Got Some Bad News That is Good News

2011-04-29T13:47:00.000-07:00

Last week I had the opportunity to co-facilitate a workshop on story-telling as a business strategy. It is amazing how people say they want feedback, but only with a certain focus. Though I try to maximize performance by the feedback I provide, I have finally learned that I've got to change my language so people will hear what they need to do to be successful.

In the session we started by training participants on how to create and tell the best business stories. Subsequently we trained them to be trainers in their respective regions. Within the process we required them to "teach back" what they had learned from us. As the "expert" they wanted me to give them feedback on how they did. I identified what they had done right and encouraged them to continue to do what they were doing. Their comment at the end of the day was "We wish we had more critical feedback."

Why do people only think that feedback is valuable if it is critical; not just critical, but negatively critical? The studies point to maximizing success by identifying what is going well, identifying why it is going well and making sure more of the success factors happen. All of that feedback is about good news. Yet it seems difficult to hear it. Our ears don't hear positive feedback as "critical" and yet it is critical to success. Just focusing on what is going wrong only promotes average behavior. The highest achievement comes from analyzing and maximizing successes.

So, two things have to happen. The first is that all of us, myself included, have to start hearing positive feedback as critical; it is critical to optimum success. As for me, and those of us asked to give feedback, I'm going to start telling people "This is critical. You're not doing enough of (fill this in with the successful behavior). Start doing it more." Maybe if I say the good news as bad news, they might listen to the feedback and do something different. Or not.

Taking Strengths Theory to The Next Level

2011-04-06T08:07:00.000-07:00

This article has been published in Positive Psychology News Daily (www.positivepsychologynews.com) and is a review of a new article on strengths theory.

Early in 2001 I picked up what was then a brand new book by Marcus Buckingham and Don Clifton, Now, Discover Your Strengths. Immediately upon reading it I was hooked on strengths theory. Over the past 10 years as an enthusiast and a practitioner, I’ve run workshops, coached people, and continued reading anything about strengths. I wrote an article recently for PositivePsychologyNews.com about what I’ve learned from practice, "What Do You Do With a Strengths Assessment?"

Now Robert Biswas-Diener, Todd Kashdan, and Gurpal Minhas are about to take strengths theory to the next level with a new article titled A Dynamic Approach to Psychological Strengths Development and Intervention scheduled for publication in The Journal of Positive Psychology. Having had the privilege of reading an early copy, I can tell you that it is worth reading.

The authors begin with an excellent summary of the research on strengths theory. Their focus turns quickly to the current state of strengths interventions and the practitioners who are applying strengths’ assessments in their professional capacities. Though the authors acknowledge practitioners as the front line for applying strengths theory, they caution that both the offering of theory and the interventions themselves need to be properly applied, and both need to be accompanied by data collection to evaluate their efficacy.

Through an admittedly limited survey of practitioners, the authors identify the “identify and use” approach as the one most used by practitioners of strengths assessments. That is, practitioners first help clients identify their strengths and then conduct dialogues about how to use them. Though they believe the identify and use approach is practical, they advocate a more general “strengths development“ approach that will serve Positive Psychology and our clients better.

Strengths Ascent: Fixed or Not?

A major pillar of the strengths development approach is the shift from a trait-like concept of strengths to a dynamic approach. They point out that the current trait-like model states that strengths are fixed across time and situations, but they argue that a more nuanced approach is necessary to understand strengths. The common understanding of strengths as trait-like runs in opposition to the idea that strengths can be developed. They claim that the movement to a dynamic model is not a radical departure from strengths theory, but instead an extension based on new research about strengths. Their reference list is a good place to start exploring the new research.

Because of this shift in theory, Diener, Kashdan and Minhas suggest to practitioners that we offer a theoretically integrated approach to strengths development that goes beyond the common ways to develop strengths (become better at them, use them more, know when to use them). They suggest a change of focus from usage of strengths to cultivation of strengths so that clients come to fully understand the benefits, liabilities, and ideal application of strengths.

Strengths in Isolation

The authors caution that much of current practice seems to isolate individual strengths. For example, the identification of a “top strength” tends to imply that strengths exist divorced from other internal and social factors. I liked the following five concepts that they offer to practitioners and strengths enthusiasts for increasing the effectiveness of strengths interventions.

1.Strengths tilt: A key factor in maximizing strengths is the interest or natural leaning of the individual. By understanding not only the strengths of an individual, but also their interests, there is a greater possibility of full manifestation of strengths.

2.Strengths constellations: It is important to examine the ways that pairs or groups of strengths work effectively in tandem that are unique to each person. These constellations of strengths can add a deeper level of understanding to strengths theory.

3.Strengths blindness: Some individuals can have blindness when it comes to some of their strengths because they assume the similarity of everyone else. The authors suggest this as an interesting area of research. Are there, for example, strengths that are more likely to be overlooked than others? Are people, for example, more like to see their own humor and spirituality than their kindness, courage, or curiosity? The authors suggest in personal coaching, it is important to identify personal blind spots so that strengths aren’t overlooked.

4.Strengths sensitivity: The emphasis on strengths might make people more psychologically vulnerable to failure than they might otherwise be. Practitioners need to be aware of this.

5.The social costs of strengths: The overuse of a strength can have negative effects on others. There needs to be awareness about how the usage of strengths will impact others so that the person can judge when to use the strength or not.
Biswas-Diener, Kashdan, and Minhas are offering a more thoughtful, nuanced approach to applying strengths theory. They willingly admit where more data is needed, but they want to engage individuals and practitioners in developing a more complete research base that will take strengths theory to the next level. Look for the article in The Journal of Positive Psychology.
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References

Buckingham, M. & Clifton, D.O. (2001). Now, Discover Your Strengths. New York: The Free Press.

Biswas-Diener, R., Kashdan, T. B., & Minhas, G. (in press). A Dynamic Approach to Psychological Strengths Development and Intervention. The Journal of Positive Psychology.

Use Your Power For Good

2011-03-02T07:06:00.000-08:00

“If you can’t say something good, don’t say anything at all.” How many of us grew up hearing this dictum? It contains an important reminder that one of the most powerful abilities we have is our ability to communicate. With this ability we can lift people up, or keep them down; we can begin a movement, or crush a reputation; we can even encourage ourselves, or determine our own defeat. And with the ability to transmit our message to everyone on the internet, it becomes even more essential to mind what we communicate. The old rule of thumb was that if you had a bad experience you told approximately 12 people. A relatively conservative estimate states that now when we lodge a complaint on the internet, we communicate it to at least 4,000 people. So it is essential we use this power of communication for good, not for evil.

I was reminded of the power of communication last week when I was at a small Italian restaurant in Stamford, Connecticut. Immediately after being seated I realized that directly to my right, at a table with some friends, sat Frank and Kathy Lee Gifford. Not being a celebrity hound I just set out to enjoy my meal and allow them to enjoy theirs. However, because of the proximity of the tables I realized that whether I liked it or not, I could hear every bit of their conversation. This is when I was reminded of the power of communication. They didn’t know who I was. It would have been easy for me to record their personal quotes about religion, politics and family stories and place them on the internet for everyone to read. Not that they said anything wrong, but any quote can be taken out of context. There are individuals who live off of their proximity to the rich and famous, and those who live off mud-slinging. This does not lead anyone to personal fulfillment or greatness, but only to anger or personal embarrassment. It is a misuse of the power of communication.

The words we use or write about others, and even the words we speak to ourselves have the power to lift up, encourage and allow ourselves and others to achieve our own personal greatness. We have a power that creates profound change in people’s lives and can elevate even people who have never heard something positive about themselves. That power has been magnified by the internet.

From the time we were little children, many of us read stories or watched movies about heroes with super powers or abilities. Yet, we all have an amazing power to heal and lift up others. And similar to many super heroes there is a dark side to our power of communication; we can also destroy lives. So, to all of you super heroes out there, please use your power for good, to lift up others and help them to achieve their potential.

Oh, and as for Frank and Kathy Lee, they are really nice people.

Go On, Rock the Boat!!

2011-02-14T04:54:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I received a call from a manager I coached in the past. He wanted my advice on a work situation. He found himself with an opportunity to apply for a higher position in his current company, but was afraid of the negative reaction of his current boss (who is a bit unpredictable). Though he wanted the job and believed he had the credentials and experience to handle it, he was concerned about his unpredictable boss and didn't want to "rock the boat."

How many of us have been in similar situations where we were concerned about what others might think or do in reaction to our choice to move ahead or grow? When I ask audiences how many of them are conflict avoiders the majority usually raise their hands. Yet a more subtle challenge is that many of us are change avoiders. We love the regularity of our lives and willingly put up with some fairly untenable situations because we are unwilling to change. Sometimes we are uncertain about the future, but many times we know our growth will challenge our peers at work, or our relationship at home. So the old adage "s#*t is warm" applies since many of us willingly put up with bad situations because we are unwilling to face the uncertainty or the people who might be upset with the change. We are not willing to rock the boat.

Okay, let's face it, the only time a boat is not rocking is when it is in dry dock and not going anywhere. If you want to move forward, or move at all, the boat will rock. So given that, how do we create the best change we can?

First, identify where you want to go. This has to be a positive destination. I've consulted with people who want to escape a bad situation, but running away is not a direction. It helps when people can identify where they want to go.

Second, identify all the things that could get in your way as you move toward the new goal. These obstacles include your own internal challenges (fear, lack of confidence, etc) as well as people and situations that might challenge you. Don't try to fix any of these challenges, just identify them.

Third, envision your ultimate goal. What does it look like ideally? What will it feel like when you get there? Be as specific as possible.

Fourth, start moving toward your goal and KNOW that the boat will rock. But you will be moving and once you are moving toward a goal it is easier to deal with the obstacles along the way.

The manager who called me realized that his fear of rocking the boat was keeping him from moving toward what he knew he could do. He acknowledged that applying for the job might mean leaving the company if his supervisor got in the way, but ultimately realized he would be resigned to years of misery if he didn't make the move.

For many of us rocking the boat is not a pleasant idea. But if we examine our lives, most of us have rocked the boat in different ways every time we grew, succeeded and moved on. We did it, and we survived. So, go on. Rock the boat. You'll get somewhere.

Dream Big and Lower Your Expectations

2011-02-07T06:08:00.000-08:00

"What do you do when you have no dreams?" That question arose in the middle of a dialogue about greatness during a recent leadership session in New York City. Probing deeper I discovered that this manager and others believed they hadn't quite found their personal greatness because they thought that once they did find it, they would be happy and their life complete. Since all of them struggled in some way they figured it was because they had not found their true greatness.

Myriad books, TV shows, magazines and speakers regale us with stories of individuals who have given up everything to follow their passion and now are completely happy. They foist the idea that if we choose correctly in our life, work, relationships, food, etc. we too can be completely happy. That is not true; we are human and this is earth, not heaven.

The pursuit of personal greatness, while fulfilling, is work. Long days and nights are required and there are intense times of struggle. Though the pursuit is for something you love, it is still work. The challenge is that we have developed expectations (because of media hype) that we can choose correctly and be happy.

So last week I contacted Dr. Barry Schwartz author of "The Paradox of Choice." He reminded me of two key findings in his research. The first is that in America today we have tremendous choice of who we can be, what we can do and what we can buy. However contrary to making us happier, we are paralyzed by too many choices. Second he found that because we have so much choice, we have the expectation that the "right" choice will make us happy and be perfect. Our expectations far outweigh the reality. His suggestion is that we have to narrow our number of choices and lower our expectations.

In our study, individuals who achieve personal greatness still dream big, but they focus their attention on one or two areas; they don't try to achieve greatness in everything. Also, they hold a realistic outlook knowing that personal greatness is hard work and something that has to be worked at everyday. People often ask me if I'm disappointed when I don't achieve a goal I'm shooting for, but I find that I love shooting for the stars because at least that way I get off the ground.

So, dream big, but lower your expectations. You will find that pursuing your personal greatness is still a struggle, but you will enjoy it more.

Playing Around

2011-01-26T08:40:00.000-08:00

When I was in college I had a nerf basketball hoop on the back of my door. In the middle of studying for an exam, or writing a paper, I'd stop for a while and just shoot baskets and get lost in the fun of bouncing a ball off my "backboard" door. Eventually I'd return to studying or writing my paper feeling renewed and refreshed. Yep, I was playing around.

Reading the NY Times article I posted recently on The Greatness Project Facebook page about the psychological benefits of play caused me to assess my own uber-focus on achievement. If I'm being honest, I've cut out almost all of the play in my life. Oh sure, I say I have fun. But do I do something just for the fun of it? Not really. Everything in my life has some sort of achievement as the goal. Working out, writing, reading, all have goals attached to them so I can "feel" productive. Doing nothing for the sake of doing nothing has been effectively pushed out of my life.

But what do I really gain? I miss the times of regeneration and renewal, times of wandering reflection just sitting and doing nothing. I'm so caught up in productivity that even if I give time over to play it is regulated by a strict schedule.

Which will lead to personal greatness: continuous productivity or occasion play? I don't know. Reading about great individuals they seemed to have a single-mindedness that drove them even to the point of exhaustion. But is that really personal greatness? Play unleashes creativity and re-energizes the soul. How can that be bad on the road to personal greatness?

I hope that you make opportunities to play, relax and reflect. I'm beginning to believe it is essential to life balance. Whatever you do, take time to play. As for me, I'm going out and buying a new nerf basketball set.

Pickup Basketball, Grit and Greatness

2011-01-18T06:57:00.000-08:00

Ever play pickup basketball? You go to a gym, meet people, pick up teams and play. You never know who you will get on your team, or how your team will do and it changes every time. Last night I was reminded of a critical factor in greatness that any of us can leverage: grit.

Arriving early I was the tenth player so we chose teams and started playing. Since there is only one court, if you win you stay on. As the game progressed more players started arriving at the gym. I knew them. They were bigger, stronger, and more talented than anyone we had on our team. Though we won the first game I thought our time on the court might be short lived. However we won the next five games against far superior teams until we finally lost by a point (I think we were exhausted by that time). Why did we do so well? Our team worked harder, fought harder and wanted to prove ourselves much more than the other teams.

Research on grit, which is perseverance in the face of obstacles, has proven to succeed over talent and IQ. Our cultural challenge is that many of us want instant gratification. Instant gratification will never lead the way to greatness. Those who are willing to continue in the face of obstacles fight against challenges and even fight against their own lethargy will succeed in whatever they want to achieve.

So, what do you want to achieve? What are you doing about it on a daily basis? What do you do when you encounter obstacles? The answers to these questions reveal the likelihood of your success. Any of us can succeed, but it may not happen tomorrow, or the day after, or for quite a while. But if you are willing to make the journey, you may find your success at the end of the road.

Do You Have Attention Surplus Disorder?

2011-01-11T13:33:00.000-08:00

Night cancer. Ever had it? Sure you have. Those are the nights when you can't sleep and every pain grows worse and worse until you wonder if you will make it to the doctor or they will find you dead, and your worries about the job, or the bills, or the kids seem insurmountable. Yet, in the morning and as the day gets going, you wonder why you were worried so much the night before. Yep, we jokingly call it "night cancer" but it is all about where we choose to focus our attention and that has a lot to do with how we gain or lose our energy during the day and how we interact with the world around us.

Reading an article on www.positivepsychologynews.com I saw a quote from Marcus Buckingham that caught my eye, "attention amplifies everything." The more we pay attention to something eventually everything else fades until that is the only thing visible. It could be called Attention Surplus Disorder. So what happens when we focus our attention?

We are an age of uber-information. Bombarded with news and updates all day, we don't even brake for braking news because it is part of our lives. Yet where does all this information, mostly negative, get us? It creates a state of fear. Learning of the latest shooting, accident, or impending storm and being bombarded with constant updates our typical reactions are flight, fight or freeze. Subsequently our attention amplifies the threat and it looms larger than it might in reality. We do the same with any information about us so that "constructive feedback" grows monstrous until we believe we will be fired, or a snippy reply means that a friend, who we thought liked us, hates us.

Let's do a reality check. We need to be mindful threats against us, and to keep informed. But let's keep this in balance because the quickest way to squelch any attempt at achieving potential is to think that the entire environment around us is so threatening that we have to pull into survival mode.

Occasionally paying attention to the good news around us creates balance, like looking for the heros in current situations, or searching for stories where people helped others. Attention to these stories encourages and inspire us to the point that we believe we can do something similar. Even paying attention to a compliment and not ignoring it can be a wonderfully energizing moment in a day.

"Attention amplifies everything." So, where are you placing your attention during the day and is it helping you or inhibiting you at being your best? Shift your attention to what is good, those you love, or the good things in you and watch what happens to the good in your life. It gets amplified.

Time to Stop Making New Year's Resolutions

2011-01-04T15:15:00.000-08:00

Maybe I’m wrong. Okay, that’s not easy for me to admit. But for years I’ve been badgering people to create specific, short term goals to carry them to success especially at the New Year. Why? Because that’s what I do; that’s what works for me. Reading the research I’ve helped individuals create goals have been driven from what they wanted (intrinsic) and not what others wanted for them (extrinsic). I’ve helped them create benchmarks along the way to celebrate success and see that they are achieving their goals. And yes, some of them achieve their goals… only about 10 percent.

Over the past two weeks before and since the New Year, I can’t tell you how many articles I’ve read about goal setting and the optimal way to succeed and achieve your goals. But my experience has been that by March most people can’t even remember the New Year’s goals they set, let alone achieved them. So, I researched how many people actually achieve the goals they write down. In all of the studies I read, it runs between 8 and 12 percent. Even on the high side that leaves a supposed 88 percent who aren’t achieving their goals. That’s when I thought, perhaps I’m wrong.

For those of us who love lists and goals to cross off, the concept of a New Year’s Resolution is perfect. We make our lists, and create attainable goals and cross them off as we achieve them. However, we are only a small percentage of the population. Yet with 88 percent of the population not achieving their New Year’s goals the world does not come to a stand-still. People go to work, are productive, get raises, raise children, buy houses and achieve things. What are they doing if they are not writing lists? That is the key to understanding success.

I’m discovering that some people, to achieve a goal, have to take the time and identify what they love about something they want to achieve. When they do so, they find that the achievement almost takes care of itself; they love working toward success. Still some people succeed when they have others joining them in the achievement, even just to cheer them on. They like accountability to others and want to talk about where they are on their journey and what the challenges and success are. Still others are happy to move in a general direction, i.e., moving up the corporate ladder or raising a family, and are very adept at dealing with the next stage of their overarching goal. Everyone is different in how they approach achievement and there is no magic on New Year’s Day that makes resolutions automatically come true.

The most important question is how do you succeed? Think of a time when you wanted to achieve something and you did. What did you do? How did you motivate yourself? What did you do to get through the difficult times? Because I’m convinced that success for many people is not just about creating goals, but identifying how you personally have achieved success in the past and applying the same personal process in the future.

Greatness Even At Thanksgiving?

2010-11-22T14:57:00.000-08:00

Food, family, and gratitude are all part of Thanksgiving. But what does this have to do with personal greatness? Just a wish and a few thoughts for you. Click on the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fahSOFqHS6s

Birthday Wishes and Personal Greatness

2010-10-28T10:52:00.000-07:00

What happens on your birthday? Do friends, family and loved ones let you know how much you mean in their lives? Do you know by the end of the day that you matter to someone? Well, their wishes, or at least their presence in your life matter toward achieving your personal greatness.

October 28th is my birthday. Starting days earlier I celebrated with my partner, then on a different evening my business partner. On my birthday itself I received calls, cards, emails, and notices on Facebook from friends and family wishing me well. And it was on the train to Washington DC for work on my birthday that I realized the importance of all those well-wishers. I know I have a community that supports me because of who I am. Though it might be possible to achieve personal greatness alone without a supportive community, it is much more difficult.

Psychology has long understood the importance of the support of family and friends. Yet more and more we live in an isolating society that propels us away from our family and friends for the pursuit of our career. However, cut off from a supportive community, we lack the emotional and psychological backup if our resources are depleted. In other words, without a community it is difficult to always have the strength to be our best.

Positive relationships is one of the pillars to psychologically flourishing, according to Dr. Marty Seligman, and in Well Being, Tom Rath identifies it as one of the essential elements to well-being. Rath even states that we need six hours a day (that includes conversations, phone calls, texts and emails) of interaction with others to thrive in community well-being. Well-being and flourishing are essential to achieving personal greatness and a supportive community is a major factor in both of those psychological states.

Going it alone or rugged individualism hasn't stopped some individuals from achieving personal greatness, but I'm certain it didn't help them. So create a supportive community around you and watch what happens. The community doesn't have to be big, just supportive. Better yet, cultivate a community that both cherishes and challenges you to be at your best and you will see the results.

Perhaps birthdays aren't the best gauge of a healthy community of friends and family. But I know I can rely on them to support me when necessary and push me when appropriate. And at least one time a year, its nice to know they are all there.

What's In A Name?

2010-10-11T08:04:00.000-07:00

Signing a credit card receipt on a recent business trip I realized I have reduced my name to a scribble. Though I've worked hard to be proud of my name I sign it as though it is not important at all. I wonder if my sloppiness hints at what I might think of my name, even of myself. Why is this so important? Because names and words not only identify us; words, because they clarify our goals, affect who we are and who we can become.

So, what's in a name? What's in our name? Simply, whatever we place there. Most of us had no choice in our name. We were named for a loved one, or a friend or something memorable. But think of why that name was chosen. It means the person naming us hoped we'd embody what that name meant to them. But now it is our turn. If someone thinks of our name differently after we've met them then somehow the example of our life changed the way they now hear the name. If our time with them was marked by energy, wonder, goodness, or a deep connection, each time they hear that name, whether directly referring to us or not, they will hold the name with respect and honor.

What if the life we've built leaves scant evidence of compassion or caring, good will or gratitude, struggle or success? Then our name will not expand the thoughts of those who use it nor find itself spoken with reverence.

Similarly the names by which we describe what we do, who we are, in part makes us. We become what we call ourselves. “Artist,” “poet,” “craftsman,” “home-maker,” “entrepreneur.” Some of the words we choose to describe ourselves we keep hidden knowing that is what we really believe about our life. “Loser,” “loner,” “drifter,” “subordinate.” And if the word we use to describe ourselves is less than what we really can attain, it is not the world that holds us back but our own lack of belief, desire or imagination. Though we sometimes rail against the fates it is we who follow the lead of our own words.

So, who are you at your finest moment? What are you at the best times you can remember? “Artisan,” “thinker,” “philosopher,” “philanthropist.” We become what we call ourselves. We move toward what we believe and hope ourselves to be.

Whatever we call ourselves, we will become. Be honest. Think of your strengths, gifts and desires. Cherish and polish the name given you in life and live fully the name you use to describe yourself.

Running Against the Wind

2010-10-03T12:17:00.000-07:00

Running six miles when the wind is blowing 20 miles an hour (like this morning) is not easy, but then neither is striving to achieve your personal greatness. It's important to remember that neither of them is a sprint and so they share some principles that make it easier to keep going.

Do the tough stuff first. The first decision I encounter on a windy day is which way to go. I always turn into the wind, that way it's easier on the way back. Sometimes you can be tired even at the beginning of a day and thinking about greatness is the furthest thing from your mind. Completing a task early in the day gives a boost of energy to move you through the rest of the day. AND you might get more done than you think.

Shorten your strides. Any time I fight the wind I've learned to shorten my stride. My legs are not as strained when I take the shorter strides and I can still keep up a decent pace. Striving for personal greatness there are times we need to attempt less in a day. Smaller, achievable goals allow us to accomplish something without overstriving and completing nothing. Plus sometimes the smaller goals help us maintain our energy and morale when the going gets tough.

Alter your route. On a calm day I run a route that is wide open with few obstructions and a wide open vista. On a really windy day I change the route and use buildings, hedges and trees to block the wind for me as I make my way to the same end goal. Pursuing a goal you have a tendency to approach it the same way every day. Sometimes changing your approach, especially when it is not working, allows you to move beyond banging your head against a wall and though you are not taking your usual direct route, you are moving toward the same goal.

Enjoy the wind. Though running against a wind is challenging, like the 20 mph wind this morning, I've finally learned that I waste more energy cursing the wind and started accepting it. Learning to appreciate how it changes my run and the challenges it offers helps me maintain energy and learn in the process. When your movement toward personal greatness is challenged, stop for a second and see what you are learning. You might realize something significant about yourself, your goal, or about your opposition.

Let's be real, wind or opposition will always be around sometimes stronger than others. Learning how to deal with it make you able to deal with the challenging moments and still move toward your goal.

Nudging Toward Greatness

2010-09-14T05:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was nudged to buy a pair of pants. Yep, I went into a store, found a pair of pants and went to the dressing room to try them on. Turning to hang them up in the dressing room I noticed a sign above a hook. It read "definitely." Turning around I saw another hook on the other side that read "possibly." The store was nudging shoppers to purchase more through the use of the signs.

A couple of years ago I read the book Nudge by Richard Thaler and Cass Sunstein about improving decision making by understanding how we choose. They opine the idea that we can allow people freedom, but make it more likely they will choose the better option if we give them a nudge. There are some interesting moral implications raised in the book, but I'll leave that for you to read.

What struck me yesterday from my shopping experience and as I remembered some of the research in Nudge was the possibility of using techniques to nudge us toward greatness. Some of the most difficult challenges are overcome by changing habits and the key is to make things easy.

For example, I have a salt tooth. I love salty food, and yet I know too much is not healthy for me. I've also discovered that if there is fresh fruit cut up and easily available in bite-sized chunks, I will eat them just as readily. So, placing the cut up fruit within easy access and not purchasing the chips nudges me toward healthier eating. Another experiment I'm trying as a writer is turning off my computer each night so it won't be on in the morning. On my desk are paper and pen (I do all my original writing long-hand) so that the first thing I nudge myself to do is sit and write not browse the Internet.

Where do you need a nudge? Think of how you might position what you need so it is in easy access or the first thing you see. You are more likely to do what you want and need to do if you nudge yourself in that direction.

Moving toward personal greatness requires an awareness of the small steps that propel us everyday. Changing one small step allows us to progress further on the journey to our own personal greatness. Positive nudges help. Oh, and I did buy that pair of pants. It was definitely a good choice.

Being a Great Friend

2010-08-19T13:01:00.000-07:00

"Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.” Mark Twain

After reading this quote a few days ago (a friend posted it on Facebook) we've reflected on how true this is. New research is indicating that our friends can influence us to be happier or more miserable, healthier or fatter, so why wouldn't it be true that they could, simply by social pressure, either help us to achieve our greatness or influence us to give up?

If we were focusing on the negative we would talk about "defriending" all of those acquaintances that put us down or "belittle our ambitions" as Mark Twain said. However, rather than focus on the negative, we'd prefer to focus on finding and/or becoming those types of friends who help others achieve greatness. And so we want to identify the qualities of friends who assist us in our greatness journey.

Primarily these friends encourage the growth and development of the unconventional thinking that leads to greatness. Rather than correcting or admonishing new thinking, these friends encourage it.

Also, when we propose a new thought, a breakthrough, a new discovery, or just the next level in our journey a good friend does not attack or undermine us, but congratulates us and asks us to tell them about it. (It is a skill called Active Constructive Responding - more info at Positive Psychology News Daily).

Yet the greatest skill of true friends is that they challenge us to go further in our idea, goal, or work. Gently they provide encouragement by pushing and prodding us to continue on our journey. And they journey with us as much as possible to help us through the difficult times.

Whether you are looking for true friends, or trying to be a good friend, these are the qualities that encourage greatness in others. Remember Mark Twain is right, "the really great make you believe that you too can be great".

Groundhog Day

2010-08-09T18:08:00.000-07:00

Many of us experience the reality of doing the same work, task, sales pitch over and over. Currently I'm heading north to facilitate the same workshop I've lead at least 3 times a day for most of the summer. Yes, there is something to be said for repetition creating predictable, repeatable success, but after a while you have to wonder how to be great every time when you not even sure if your repeating yourself. Yet greatness unveils itself in how we ritualize success yet keep our work fresh.

Bill Murray starred in “Groundhog Day” and whether you enjoyed it or not, there are some personal greatness lessons to be learned from the film. In the film Murray keeps living the same day, Groundhog Day, over and over again ostensibly until he gets it right. But it is a good analogy of how great individuals continue to excel by fixing their mistakes, capitalizing on success and keeping things fresh.

Fix your mistakes. One of the keys to success is to realize how an action, a comment, a decision hindered the process. Identify the mistake and correct it. But don't spend too much time on this. This is where most people get stuck. Fix it and move on.

Capitalize on your successes. If you do something repetitively, experts point out that you need to debrief your success more than your failure. If you have an unexpected success one of the many times you perform a task, take the time to think about what was different and memorize it so you can repeat it next time. Create your own predictable, repeatable success.

Freshen things up. Seems like this contradicts the previous suggestion especially once you've got things going well, but the reality is that you need to continuously inject new energy into what you do. Finding ways to freshen things up helps you approach the same task differently. Some writers move their desk so they will have a different perspective. Actors focus on a different aspect of their character to enhance the role. Facilitators draw participants into the discussion to engender different dialogue. Even musicians change up their performance to enhance both their enjoyment as well as that of the audience.

Personal greatness is a complex balance between repetition and ingenuity. Examining what you do, creating predictable repeatable success, and then allowing it to evolve not only keeps your actions fresh, it allows development even in those tasks you do over and over again. Since for some of us every day is Groundhog Day, wouldn't it be great if it just keeps getting better.

Triathlon: Dream it, Plan it, Achieve it.

2010-07-20T16:04:00.001-07:00

Two years ago I stood on the Asbury Park boardwalk and watched in amazement as athletes young and old swam, biked and ran through a grueling triathlon. I was awestruck as I thought of the time and energy it took every participant to even complete the event. Though it was not the "ironman" event we see on tv, it was enough to leave me cheering for every athlete as they made their way to the finish line.

Dream it. From that moment, each time I saw runners on the boardwalk, or bikes speeding by me, or swimmers in the swells off the beach I wondered what that feeling was like. What was it like to push yourself farther than you ever thought? I dreamt of running a triathlon. But dreams can either be the illusions of unfulfilled hopes or the springboards for reality. By allowing myself to dream I planted the seeds that would grow to fruition. Because dreaming is only the beginning. Success depends on what we do with our dreams.

Plan it. Earlier this year, Jan, my business partner, saw that there was going to be a woman's triathlon in Asbury Park in August. I've always encouraged Jan and immediately told her I would be her coach for the event. She countered by suggesting "You always are willing to work out to support someone else. Why don't you see if there is a triathlon and do it yourself?" I found the Metroman Triathlon and took a week to finally sign up. Now I was committed. Yet planning is always difficult. I had tons of excuses between my business and my life why I could not train for the event. But I made as much time as I could, planning it out carefully to ensure I could finish the event.

A good friend, Brendan, chose to run it with me and he "planned" through incredible research about things we needed to know to run a triathlon. We planned nutrition, exercise, stretching, strength training. Planning does not just encompass the event, but all of the other parts.

Achieve it. July 18th dawned bright and hot. Even the water was 78 degrees. More than anything else I was conscious of enjoying the event. So often we prepare for a day only to have the day speed by without us being conscious of it. I remember the swim even in the heavy swells, the joy of coming ashore. I laughed at the reality of trying to pull on a tight shirt over a wet torso and jumping on my bike. And I remember the grind of the last mile run when I wanted to give up. But I achieved it.

There is nothing that can't be accomplished through that simple three step process. But it all starts with the dreaming. So, what are you dreaming about?

Making the Most of the Waves

2010-07-06T07:04:00.000-07:00

With waves breaking over my head, I fought back panic. Glancing to my left, the shore seemed too far away to make it. I thought how ironic it would be if I drowned. Then I consciously slowed my breathing and heart rate. It took a few minutes, but I regained the calm I needed to complete my swim and I learned an important lesson in my journey to personal greatness.

I've never done a triathlon in my life, never participated in a road race since I was 25, never swam in competition and I gave up running over five years ago. Yet, I find myself entering my first sprint triathlon and facing the joy and pain of preparing for it. The most challenging part is the ocean swim. A little under half a mile, the swim runs along the New Jersey coast line next to Asbury Park. A little over a week ago I was swimming in rough surf when I learned my lesson.

At first the waves just seemed like a nuisance. Little by little they began chipping away at my confidence. Was I a little too far out from shore? Did I over-estimate the distance I could safely swim? Would I make it? After a series of three waves broke over my head just as I was trying to breathe I felt the first hint of panic. My heart started pounding. I cursed the relentless waves and pushed against them with all my might. But I knew one thing, I was losing the battle. That's when I chose to breathe deeply and calm myself. Immediately I realized that I could create a rhythm with my strokes that matched the waves. I surfaced for air in the troughs. Wonderfully as I made my turn to swim south again I realized that now the waves were aiding me. Though I would make two more "laps" I was fine.

Anytime we strive to accomplish something waves of opposition will impede us. Whether from others, organizations, the world around us, or even ourselves. Somehow parts of life resist change. My normal response is to fight as hard as I can against the waves as I did in the ocean. But perhaps I've learned my lesson. Rather than initially push harder against the waves of opposition, the next time I might just take a deep breath and learn their rhythm to see if I can move more efficiently through them.

Let's face it, there will always be waves when we strive to accomplish new things, or change our own life. Sometimes those waves will be larger than others, but they will be there nonetheless. The success of our lives, our personal growth and endeavors will depend on how we handle the waves. Cursing the waves doesn't help (though it might feel momentarily comforting), I'm learning from them and finding a way through them to my goals. Give it a try, the water's fine.

Nike is right!

2010-06-03T15:08:00.000-07:00

As a writer I spend enormous amounts of time chewing on pens, pacing floors and sitting frozen with my hands extended over the keyboard. Anyone who has written knows the paralysis before writing. You attempt to discern the perfect topic, the perfect tone, the perfect point of view and you become frozen. A long time ago I received the best advice; just start writing, it will come. Now I realize that wisdom works in many ways toward greatness.

The key to any success, any endeavor is starting. I've long lost count of the individuals who tell me they have the great American novel, newest business idea, or are committing again to get in shape, and yet they haven't taken a step. Many of them won't. And it is not that they aren't committed or sincerely want to succeed. It just seems too overwhelming.

The other foe that has to be encountered is our inner negative voice. We come up with excuse after excuse, or very sincere, well-thought out reasons to avoid the challenge. Sometimes it is fear of success or failure, but mostly valid reasons keep us from pursuing our greatness today. Tomorrow after all is still a possibility in our reasoning.

The problem is that we allow these reasons and postponements to fool us into believing that eventually we will get around to our goal. I can't speak for you, but time seems to move rather quickly these days and all of a sudden I'm looking back at the end of another month, year or decade.

"Just do it" Nike proposes. There is sense in that axiom. When we jump in we find our equilibrium rather quickly. We realize that our task is not as difficult as we thought. There is also good research that early success (completing a small task or part of a project) will spur us on to continue.

So, jump in. If your fingers are poised over the keyboard, put them down and write. If you are waiting to start that business, write the plan. If you are getting in shape, walk to store to buy sneakers. But do something!! Because the worst regret in life is "I could have..."

Take a Day Off

2010-05-20T11:46:00.000-07:00

I can still hear the brogue, rough and smooth at the same time. "Take a day off" my grandfather would often say. Yet he, Patrick O'Connor, was one of the hardest workers I've ever seen. Clearly he knew the reality of balance and his wisdom is essential in our 24/7 environment.

Technology pushes us to be constantly present. Reports of people sleeping with their PDAs by them on the pillow is not uncommon. As technology allows us to stray from the office, simultaneously it binds us to our work late into the evening and on weekends. There is a societal expectation of immediate response to a text or email and often if we don't respond immediately the person will call to find out why we did not answer. This is not healthy especially when trying to unleash personal greatness. Why?

Without the mental and physical down-time there is no rejuvenation. We need time away both mentally and physically to allow our bodies and minds the rest they deserve. Beside, though we think we will accomplish more as we toil away 24/7 it is simply not true. We are less creative, vulnerable to stress, and gradually unable to function.

Simply taking 20 minutes at lunch to GET AWAY from your desk can drive more productivity in the afternoon. But taking a full day off, to most of us that is not possible. Yet, taking time to be quiet, to think, to rest is one of the most powerful, productive strategies we can employ. It is in those moments that new ideas blossom, relationships develop and the body replenishes. It's not easy. I know. But over the past month I've explored taking quiet time in the morning, before turning on the computer, my PDA, or reading the news. Creative ideas came in those early hours, along with some necessary soul searching.

My grandfather was right. Take a day off. It will do you good; body, mind and soul.

The Great, Almost Great and Perseverance

2010-05-06T04:32:00.000-07:00

Over the past week I've encountered the famous, not-so-famous, and possibly-going-to-be famous and I've been reminded of probably the most important factor in greatness: perseverance. Our perseverance might just determine how successful we will be in unleashing our personal greatness.

Last week, Bruce Springsteen walked right by our window in Asbury Park checking out a courtyard that is next to our bookstore. There was no one with him, no hordes of crowds following him and he seemed a bit lost. Yet later, on the street with his wife, we saw the Bruce that everyone knows waving to people and shaking their hands. A police officer who has been in Asbury Park for years told me he remembers Bruce sitting outside of the stores on Cookman avenue with his guitar case open playing for quarters. Tough to imagine but Bruce persevered and became "The Boss."

On May 2nd we hosted Junot Diaz, author of "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" which won the Pulitzer Prize. Junot shared the reality of coming to the United States from the Dominican Republic not knowing the language, putting himself through college and then spending 11 years writing his book. There was one point where he stopped and couldn't write for years. But he persevered and finished his book. Junot said "As a Hispanic, I have to do everything three times better than the next guy just to get noticed."

Freddie Vargas, who was also present on May 2nd, is a film writer and producer and is also from the Dominican Republic. He came to the States, learned English, put himself through college and still works multiple jobs so he can pursue his passion: making movies. He just won an award for his short movie "Hispaniola." When I asked Freddy how he succeeded he told me "You have to have a passion for what you do. And you have to persevere through everything that's thrown at you." He persevered and is now working on his first full length film.

Sometimes I think that as a privileged white male I haven't really learned about perseverance. It is easy for me to gain access to people and put my ideas out there. What would happen if things got tough? How about you? Got a dream you've put aside because it was difficult? Or are you still pursuing it in the face of all obstacles? Persevere!

Positive Deviants

2010-04-28T07:06:00.000-07:00

Are you a positive deviant? Am I? Sounds like a personal and intrusive question doesn't it? Yet I couldn't help but reflect on this after I received an email from Harvard Business Review. They offered me an advanced copy of a new book coming out in June 2010 In THE POWER OF POSITIVE DEVIANCE (Harvard Business Press, June 2010), Richard Pascale, the late Jerry Sternin, and Monique Sternin. Apparently they present a counter intuitive new approach to problem solving. The concept is simple: look for outliers who succeed against all odds. By seeing solutions where others don't, these positive deviants spread and sustain needed change. Positive deviance (PD) is founded on the premise that at least one person in a community—working with the same resources as everyone else—has already licked the problem that confounds others. I've not received the book yet, but I'll review it as soon as I do and pass the information on to you.

Meanwhile I reflected on whether or not I was a positive deviant or did I know positive deviants. There are multi-levels of skills and capabilities here. It is not as simple as they make it out to be. But ask yourself if you are part of this group.

The initial premise is that these positive deviants succeed against all odds. This requires enormous perseverance or grit. That is a characteristic that has been proven to equate to success more than IQ or status. So, do you have grit?

Second is that these deviants see solutions where others don't. They see spaces in walls that stop others and find the tunnels through mountains that seem impassable. Can you see solutions? Or do you wait for others to find them?

Finally these deviants spread and sustain needed change. That requires more than just perseverance, but an ability to influence others to move along with the actions you are taking; to get early adopters to buy into the idea. Can you convince others to join you?

I have not read the book, but I'm interested to learn about these positive deviants. After personal reflection, I'm not sure I fit the description, but I know I've met and supported the deviants I've met. So for all you positive deviants out there and for those who support you, remember, we need you, perhaps now more than ever.

Fasting from Fear

2010-03-10T09:05:00.001-08:00

Recently I was asked to preach at local parish. The scripture readings were a hodgepodge and the pastor even apologized that I had to preach on them. Yet as I read through the passages a very familiar phrase jumped out at me, "be not afraid." Now I've heard this phrase constantly used as an assurance and a reason to be at peace, but I never thought of it as a command. But something in the readings made me think of it differently.

The command "be not afraid" or "do not fear" is found almost twice as many times as the command to love in the Bible. Whether you believe or not, this is an interesting commentary on life and demands to be looked at. What are we afraid of and how does it inhibit us?

Think about it. I know that for me, as an introvert, it is difficult for me to approach new people. Why? I know that there is a fear of rejection. The same applies when I withhold honest feedback in a relationship. I'm afraid I might hurt the other person. That is honorable, but then they miss important feedback. So, what are you afraid of in life? How do those fears inhibit you? Remember, the only fears that are natural to us are fear of loud noises and fear of falling. The rest we've learned.

But what would life be like if we had no fear, obviously within reason. We would reach out to others and cross barriers. We wouldn't see color, sex, creed, or any other prejudice. We would be willing to unleash our greatest talents because we could put aside the inhibitions of fear. It could be an amazing life!

Fasting is a concept embraced by many different facets of society. It involves setting something aside or denying oneself for a period of time. What if we fasted from fear? What would life be like if we embraced our full self without fear of what others might say, fear of success, or fear of failure? It might just be the jump start many of us look for. Be not afraid. That is a fast worth embracing.

What Happens When the Voices Stop?

2010-02-12T13:42:00.000-08:00

Part of my life experience was helping in hospitals where I encountered my share of patients who heard voices. We were trained to deal gently with these individuals until someone with more expertise could be called. Yet, I always thought of these individuals as outside the confines of normal society until recently. Now I'm hearing my own inner voices. Nope, I'm not losing it, but rather becoming aware of something that's been going on for a long time and I think others may experience.

How did I start hearing voices? Well, our study of greatness this year focuses on the inner processes that many individuals experience in order to fully understand who they are and what they bring to their part of the world. I'm trying many different practices that unveil our inner world. Elementary to many of these practices is slowing down long enough to be aware of all the thoughts flying through our heads. So, I tried slowing down.

I've heard practitioners offer the analogy of sitting beside a river (of your thoughts) and just calmly watching them drift by without judgement or action. Initially when I tried this I was aware that my thoughts don't drift. They are like level four rapids. Still that didn't stop me from diving in to fix or judge them whenever and wherever I felt like it. Seemed like I couldn't stop myself.

After about four days of being aware of this rushing river I started getting a better handle on it and, though I dove in a lot, it wasn't quite as often. I learned to notice the judgements on myself and others, the "shoulds," "oughts," and "have tos," that rippled by with all the other thoughts.

Then after about a week and a half, I noticed a silence in my head. No judgements, to dos, or lists to tackle, just a focus on what I was doing. Oh, it didn't last long since I had to dissect the silence, judge it and categorize it, but it was there. And then I felt a wonderful peace because that moment was just mine. I guess for that moment the voices stopped. So, I'm gonna sit by this river a little longer and see what else happens.

Giving Up or Giving In?

2010-01-22T12:14:00.000-08:00

The day I learned to water ski I also gained a valuable lesson that I promptly shelved and rarely referenced until recently. Try as I might to get up on my skis I kept falling and filling my body cavities with more and more water. Finally as I was about to quit in frustration the generous friend who was teaching me yelled "stop trying so hard!" He yelled across the water, for everyone on shore to hear "you're trying to pull yourself out of the water by your own strength! Don't be so stubborn, let the boat do it!" Out of sheer anger I just laid back and thought "fine, and when I crash one more time, I'm outta here." Gunning the boat forward, he never glanced back as I glided up out of the water and began the thrill of water skiing.

For 10 years we've researched greatness in individuals and organizations. We examined the data from countless studies to identify characteristics, processes, and results which we published in Pathways to Greatness. I am pretty proud of what we've accomplished. But a conversation at a wedding recently hinted that my study was obsessed with goals and achievement. That conversation, along with others, made me question whether I was "trying to pull myself out of the water" rather than examine other ways to live greatness. Additionally some of my friends who are more versed in eastern concepts said that our study was very western in scope and focused too much on doing and not enough on being.

So, this year the Greatness Project will focus on developing or experiencing greatness through some inner work. Trust me, this will be murder for me. I am a typical American male with a western mindset, driven to achieve. I've only been conscious of this for two days and already I've had to stop myself from setting stretch goals at least five times.

I need help. Feel free to let me know ways to unleash personal greatness without making it about achievement. I will share with you all I learn from this journey. Perhaps it is time for me to stop trying so hard and let the boat pull me out of the water.

Doing Resolutions Right

2010-01-05T11:16:00.000-08:00

Okay, New Year’s Eve is over and we’re moving into the year. If you’ve not yet created some resolutions, there is still time. If you have created resolutions, there is still time to make them stick. Great things can come from good resolutions.

The most important starting point is picking resolutions that you want to follow, not society or others say you should. Let’s face it, if you really don’t want to follow your resolutions, you will last about a month (if you’re lucky) before you abandon them. Motivation that comes from you, not from others, is the greatest driver of success. Recently I learned from a friend about his success in losing weight. After many failed attempts insisted on by others, this time the initial decision was his, because he was unhappy about how he felt physically. He never called it a diet, he called it a wellness campaign.

The second key point in resolutions is to be specific. The absolute worst thing you can say to yourself is “I’ll do my best.” Studies show that people who “do their best” under-perform those who create a specific goal to strive for. My friend chose a specific goal of being able to participate and complete a 39 mile fund raiser about 7 months from the beginning of the year. He said that it fit his desire for wellness not just weight loss.

Finally, the resolution has to be broken down into daily goals. My friend chose to count calories, so he could have the proper nutrition and miles so he could participate in the fund raiser. After 6 months he had lost 35 pounds and was able to participate in the walk. So, it’s not too late. But what will you do to make your life great? Resolutions are catalysts for greatness.

Christmas Musings

2009-12-24T04:54:00.000-08:00

An Empty Space

An empty space graces the center
of the manager scene.
Yet a spot of trampled hay cannot contain
the unfathomed hope placed here;
as though a cosmic arrow points dramatically
from heaven reading
“watch this!”
to accentuate the absurd hope we place
on a moment, a place, a new born.

At millennial celebrations of crèches and caves
we bring a battered hope yearly to this moment
to be mended or rebuilt and believe that perhaps
this year the birth of one will move all
toward peace.

In film and word we expound
the transformative power of the season
when George Bailey realizes his good fortune,
Scrooge tears open his curtains,
and we long for the dawning of a new age.

Yet watching and waiting will not spark a change
and longing will leave millions unfed.
Hope that energizes voices and
desire that strengthens muscle
redeems this scene from a saccharine docility
and transforms dreaming and longing
into action.

New and ancient our collective journeys
draw us yearly past this manger scene.
Yet we receive the gift, we are reborn,
we journey onward renewed.

SAA

Stop What You Are Doing

2009-12-05T11:38:00.000-08:00

Truisms are truisms mostly because they are true. For example "honesty is the best policy" applies to relationships, business, even medical checkups. And honesty is also a key to understanding what direction to take in pursuing greatness. People ask me all the time "how do I know where to focus my energies to pursue greatness?" Well, the first step is brutal honesty.

Yesterday I had the privilege to dine with and listen to Sydney Lea, finalist for the Pulitzer Prize in poetry. Sydney has been nominated and won more prizes for his poetry than I could ever imagine. He came to speak at our bookstore in Asbury Park. Sydney is one of the most self-effacing individuals I've met. But it is not false humility but a brutal honesty that has propelled him to be one of America's best poets.

The most telling part of the evening occurred when someone asked Sydney "why poetry?" Most of Sydney's poems are story-like; snippets of lives, moments and interactions that lend themselves to narrative. Sydney's explanation was amazingly honest. He described his doctoral dissertation as "ponderous" and his attempts at regional stories as "possibly appearing condescending." Conversely his use of poetry allows him to explore the dynamic in a human interaction, capture the regional flair, and briefly convey the meaning. In other words, he is honest about what he CAN'T do. That allows him to focus his energies on what he does well and continue to write better and better.

From boardrooms, to offices, to cubicles; from recording studios, to concerts; from practice to the court or the course, too many of us fail to find our greatness because we refuse to honestly admit what we don't do well and stop doing it. Because if we admit and cease what we don't do well, we can focus on our possibility for greatness. So, be honest, be brutally honest. It might help you find your greatness.

R.T.F.M.

2009-11-20T14:21:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'm proud, stubborn and I'm a guy. I've got three strikes against me when it comes to moving toward greatness, because sometimes the ground I want to cover has already been trod and it makes sense to learn from those who have gone before. Nevertheless, good sense rarely impedes me from failing to leverage the experience of those who have gone before me.

Let's face it. I'm a guy who likes to do things himself. I like putting my stamp on everything I do. But this has a down side. Too often I struggle to learn how to do something relatively simple when I could be spending my time on something that would lead me closer to greatness.

Perhaps an example will help. Recently I had three occasions to attempt something new on our websites. Whether it was dropping a picture into a formatted article, enabling a link so people could follow our blog, or saving a blog I already started, these technological nuances took up a lot of time. UNTIL I read the directions. Yep. I wasted all that time because I just clicked and guessed at how to do these relatively simple procedures. Though they only became simple after I read the directions.

So many people have struggled to achieve or unleash their greatness that we would be foolish to ignore them. Their pathways provide an easier access to greatness than we can accomplish ourselves. However, at some point, if we truly aspire to greatness, we will have to forge our own path. I am just learning that perhaps I don't need to do it myself so early.

Throughout my life I have to be reminded time and time again to "read the frigging manual (R.T.F.M.)." I never thought it would assist my study of and movement toward greatness. But now it makes sense. Books like "Man's Search for Meaning," or poems like "The Road Not Taken," have provided me with food for thought that have inspired action. These are the "manuals" of those who have explored areas that attract me. So now I regularly read where others have gone before me and what they've accomplished. Eventually I know I will forge a path of my own, but for now, to make things a little easier I think I'll read the frigging manual.

So what are the "manuals" you have read, seen, or heard that have propelled you to attempt something new, believe in yourself more, or pursue your own greatness?

Mirror, mirror

2009-11-12T05:36:00.000-08:00

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the greatest of them all? Probably none of us if we are looking in the mirror. Self-focus, even self-consciousness at key moments can inhibit attaining our best and letting our greatest gifts flow. It is important, in the middle of using our gifts and talents, not to be focused on what others might think of us, but only on the moment itself. Besides, there is new, fun research that indicates few people are looking at us anyway. This is bad news for the cosmetics industry, but good news for the rest of us.

Let's face it. When we learn a new skill, or take what we know to a whole new level some form of self-focus is necessary. We have to be aware of our body if we are practicing a new physical skill, or our mind if we are learning something new. However, once we have moved past practice we have to focus only on the task so we fully engage in the moment and bring out our best abilities. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D. is a world renowned expert in "flow." "Flow" is "the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter." (p.4, Flow). Recently I had the opportunity to hear him speak about flow. He emphasized how important it was to be totally in the moment to experience flow and unleash our abilities. Self-consciousness, he noted, was a major deterrent to flow experiences and in all of his studies no one was able to attain flow when they were self-conscious.

How do we move from focusing on ourselves to focusing only on what we are doing? We need to move from the societal concept that everyone is looking at us. A recent study indicates that even when we do something that really makes us stand out, for example, making an entire room wait 10 minutes for us to show up, when interviewed afterward, only 20% of the group will remember anything about us. The other 80% are probably worried about how they are being perceived.

The key to moments of greatness is to remove the over-abundance of mirrors in our lives and set aside our worries of what others will think. By doing so we unleash the best of our abilities in that moment and move toward our greatness. Besides, in the fairytale, the mirror on the wall was really lying.

Toll House Greatness?

2009-10-22T12:10:00.000-07:00

Walk into the Toll House hotel in Los Gatos, California and you feel like you are home. The atmosphere is warm and welcoming. It is plush without being ostentatious. Yet more than the appointments what creates the warm feeling is the staff. Without being unctuous they solicit how you are doing and respond in a very warm and comfortable way. More impressive is the energy of the staff. They approach everything with amazing vibrancy from checking customers in to carrying baggage to welcoming and serving in the restaurant. And they interact with each other in the same energized way.

Each day we have an opportunity to engage with any number of people. How are we engaging? Energy and vibrancy are more of a choice than a physical state. So many of my daily encounters are with people devoid of energy and vibrancy and more akin to boredom. And, after encountering the staff at the Toll House, I challenge myself to approach my day with that powerful energy.

Let's face it. Facing a day with positive energy and vibrancy is a choice. What do you choose?

So You Think You Can Multitask?

2009-08-28T13:37:00.000-07:00

The idea that anyone can multitask effectively is one of the biggest lies foisted on American individuals and commerce. In the name of multitasking we forgo the sacred moments of intimacy, the joy of singular devotion to a project, and the uncluttered creativity of thinking. Efficiency becomes the new god in this mindset and all else falls under its dictatorial rule.

But aren't we being more efficient by multitasking? Not so fast.

A new study from the researchers at Stanford University confirms what many of us, who have been ignored by someone multitasking, already know; multitaskers, far from being efficient, are just multiplying the tasks they are doing badly. They are not completing any task or conversation to the best of their ability and multitasking makes them worse.

What Clifford Nass and other researchers discovered were three challenges that heavy multitaskers share. People who do a significant amount of multitasking can't seem to ignore irrelevant data to focus on what is important. They are more distracted than others. Surprisingly they also have a poorer ability to take in and organize information. Finally they had more of a difficulty switching from one task to another.

Of course the argument is that younger and younger generations are growing up multitasking and so they will be better at it. Again that is false. The research studied young men and women who use various electronic means simultaneously and have grown up with it.

Perhaps all of us need to push back on the notion that any individual can do two separate cognitive activities equally as well. And as we move toward greatness, we need to give ourselves the opportunities to savor and revel in sacred moments of intimacy, the joy of singular devotion to a project, and the uncluttered creativity of thinking.

Walk Like A Winner

2009-08-20T13:31:00.000-07:00

Are you sitting up straight? Are you standing erect? Sounds like some of the questions we were asked as children. Sometimes it was a command rather than a question. Yet over the past week I've found myself more aware than ever of my posture especially when things are difficult.

What started my consciousness was watching the PGA last week. I watched as Tiger Woods lost the lead and was walking down the center of one of the fairways. Even the commentator mentioned the confident way he held himself. You couldn't tell that he was losing. As a matter of fact you would have sworn that he was winning. What's with that?

Dr. Jim Loehr studied athletes winning and losing. He compared their posture and body language and discovered something different about the best. Those who were on the top of their sport comported themselves exactly the same whether they were winning or losing. They always walked like winners. What Dr. Loehr discovered is that our posture speaks volumes not only to others but to our own psyche as to our impending success or failure.

So, be honest. Do you walk like you are winning, or is your head always bowed? Pick your head up, walk like you are winning and watch the difference it will make in how you feel.

A Grain of Salt

2009-08-07T12:23:00.000-07:00

I write this flying back from Florida where I spoke at a leadership conference about focusing on strengths rather than on weaknesses to drive greater growth and success. The audience of 175 leaders interacted with me and each other, asking questions that only deepened their understanding. They laughed at the right spots, even applauded at a few and were vocally appreciative as they came up to me at the end of the almost four hour session. So what's bothering me? I want to know who, if any, will change their leadership style and why.
Change is not that easy. Listening to information, no matter how compelling, rarely engenders the motivation to change our behavior. Even if everyone in that room was convinced that this leadership style would help them dramatically (and I'm not that naïve) most will only retain a rapidly fading memory of our time together and will most likely forget me and the session in three days. But what about the precious few who, believing in the efficacy of a strengths-focused leadership model, read a little more, create some goals and start adopting new behaviors? What makes them different?
I'd like to offer a theory. These individuals are able to either lower the defense mechanisms we all put in place to defend our egos, or momentarily put their egos aside. Look at little children. They are sponges for learning. With little to defend they absorb everything around them. As we grow, we learn to defend what we've accepted as real and our openness to new ideas closes up until some of us get to the point when we stop learning.
Of course being totally open to new ideas creates other challenges. We might end up believing in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or the tooth fairy. So, we do have to examine new ideas with a grain of salt. That being said, many of us use so much salt evaluating new ideas it is a wonder we don't die of sodium poisoning.
So what's the strategy? I don't know. If it were easy the world would be changing at a momentous pace because we'd all know how to identify and adopt new, helpful ideas and behaviors. I've found one strategy that works for me. When I learn a new idea or strategy that might help me develop as a speaker, leader, writer (I need lots of development) I don't tell anyone at first. I need time to analyze what I've heard, to sift through it and use my own grain of salt. That way, if I like and adopt the ideas, I'm more prepared to offer them to others in a cohesive way before they can bring on their shakers of salt.
175 leaders heard some new ideas this morning, ideas that could change their life or leadership for the better. How many will change? We will never know. But what about you and me? New thoughts, new ideas, new behaviors; what keeps you from embracing them and changing your life?

Everyone Has a Story

2009-07-03T13:23:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a story. Our stories seek release. The compilation of a lifetime of truths, or the brilliant awakenings of youth, our stories are integral to our own awareness of self and essential for the growth of others. They are composed from the hard knocks of life and the moments of ecstasy. These stories shape us as we tell them or write them, chipping away at the unessential and leaving a masterful sculpting of who we are at our best and our worst.

We don't think much our stories, told at dinner tables, or more likely in the car at McDonalds. We glibly share the troubles, toils, and triumphs of the day, yet these words shape us and shape those around us. Leaving a story with an unfulfilled ending creates a tension in those who listen. Will it end well or not? Whether we realize it, our world view is captured in our telling of our story more than almost anything else we do. Do we see the world as a safe place, or one in which to be afraid? Most importantly, are there heroes and villains, reconciliation or revenge, peace or war? This is what our stories tell about us. This is what our stories teach our children.

The problem with our stories is that no one seems to care any more. If a story can't be condensed into 144 characters, it seems too long. Who listens? Do we even listen to ourselves? Letting others tell their story and also teaching them to listen helps us all unlock the secrets of life through the triumphs and tragedies, heroes and villains. The stories may not always have a happy ending, but they all speak the truth.

Making Greatness Be Enough

2009-06-09T03:35:00.000-07:00

The word "greatness" scares people. Heck, sometimes it frightens me. It is because we think of greatness mostly in the context of astounding feats, historic accomplishments and breath-taking acts of heroics. Yet in our daily lives greatness means using the gifts and talents we have to the best of our ability in any given moment. Recently I had an email exchange with a friend of mine. Nancy agreed that I could share her story and our exchange to highlight the daily reality of greatness. The email correspondence went like this.

Nancy: How do you get great when you're in a slump? The job, the home, the kids... greatness feels like a heavy lift.

Scott: Sometimes it's the little things. Find something you do really well (something small) and do it and succeed. It is a great energy booster. Sometimes greatness resides in getting through the day without killing someone, or losing your temper. We tend to think of it as everything going great. Sometimes it is surviving the difficult stuff.

Nancy: After a long and unproductive weekend (not to mention my 30th high school reunion – how did I get so old??), Tuesday back at work was dragging. Last night, after I read your message I initially thought – ugh, I’m not good at anything. Well, that can’t be true. In fact, I’m a great shopper! First I laughed, then I was telling my daughter about it and she said – you’re right, Mom, and I need shoes for the formal dance on Friday, let’s shop (she HATES shopping, probably switched at birth, but I digress). We had a really enjoyable visit and bought shoes and a dress for an upcoming event. Although I didn’t discover a cure for cancer or solve the world economic crisis, it sure meant the world to her. And I didn’t kill anyone AND I didn’t lose my temper. All in all a great night. Sometimes I guess we just need to re-define greatness. Tonight I plan on making a great dinner – and making that be enough.

My friends and family remind me constantly that greatness can be scary because most people can only focus on getting through the day. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I believe that most people want to get through their day in a way that is fulfilling, passionate and powerful. When I plant my feet on the floor in the morning and choose to pursue greatness each day I may not solve all of the world's problems, but I'm focused on using all of my gifts and abilities in the best way I can, even on the tough days and making that be enough.

Pull The Trigger

2009-05-05T06:25:00.001-07:00

Recently we were invited to speak to a group of middle managers about greatness. The session was very interactive and informative concerning perceptions of greatness and what gets in the way of individuals pursuing their personal greatness. We noted how easy it was to identify why people won't pursue greatness. The discussion was lively and almost raucous as we listed all of the barriers. Then we asked another question. "What is it that encourages or triggers people to pursue greatness?" The silence was thunderous.

As we engaged the managers about what triggered some of them to be at their very best every day we eventually revealed a plethora of reasons. It seems that everyone had their personal trigger compelling them to seek greatness. So, we realize that one size does not fit all when it comes to encouraging greatness.

But think about it for a second. If you identify a moment you were at your very best, what was it that made you try so hard? Was it pride, desire, curiosity, stubbornness, or one of a host of triggers? If you can identify your personal trigger, you can employ it to help you be at your best everyday. Greatness is not a single action or pursuit, it is a lifestyle. Yet we all know that there are some days easier than others to continue the journey toward greatness.

Take the time to identify your trigger. Then, when you feel yourself flagging on the journey, pull the trigger.

Let us know what triggered you to pursue greatness, it might help others discover theirs.

Seeing the Stumbling Blocks

2009-04-29T08:43:00.000-07:00

If you could be happier, healthier, or pick whatever "er" you like, why wouldn't you do it? I've thought about this mystery quite a bit over the past few years. Faced with either insanity (doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results) and positive change, some people choose insanity. Why? I've got a few ideas, but I'd love to hear yours.

#1. S--t is warm. Though we might be up to our ears in it, we know what we are dealing with. We don't like the situation, but we don't know what would happen if we change it. So, perhaps fear of the unknown is greater than fear of the known (even if we don't like where we are).

#2. We are clueless. Interesting studies show that we tend to influence and be influenced by our friends. After a while this can create a group-think. So, if all of my friends willingly put up with mistreatment, ill health, bad habits, it is pretty natural that I will. Because this is the group I hang with, I might not have any idea that life can be different. I have no desire to change my behavior because I don't know there is another way to live.

#3. One is the loneliest number. Because we tend to surround ourselves with those who think and act similar to us we worry that if we change they will reject us. Actually that is pretty sound reasoning. Think about it. You change your behavior and you, by implication, suggest that others in your group do also. Traitor! Better we all go down together than risk the change. This is one of the main reasons that AA suggests to it's members to change their friends.

#4. No one else to blame. This I believe is the most powerful reason people choose not to embrace positive change. If I take control and change my life, I am fully responsible. There is no one else to blame if something doesn't work out. It is easier to just stay where I am and blame my situation or other people.

These are just a few ideas about why people might not embrace positive change, but they concern me. Helping people achieve their personal greatness is a passion and a quest. These are just some of the stumbling blocks. Perhaps if we can identify them, we can help get them out of the way. What other stumbling blocks have I missed?

The Product is You

2009-04-08T08:41:00.000-07:00

I called a CEO of a large non-profit to check in and see how he was handling these tough times. Always interested in empowering his staff and creating a great work environment I wanted to see what he asking of his staff considering these tough times. He told me that he is asking them all to be entrepreneurs. "I want them to have the mindset that this is their business and to be looking for new and different ways to make money for the organization." He went on to share with me an example of an employee stepping up with a great new idea for generating revenue.

But he got me thinking about greatness and how we approach our lives. Okay, I'll ask you the question I was pondering myself: are you the owner, entrepreneur of your own life, or does someone else own it and you are working for them? Don't answer too quickly. There are those who are not living for themselves, making their own decisions, or changing anything. They are just getting by. If you want to be the owner of your own life there are a few things to consider.

Initially we have to develop a product. What we have to offer to the world is ourselves; we are our product. So, how unique is your product? Are you continually updating and refining your product? Is it the best product it can be, or have you settled for an average product?

The second step is marketing. Since you are your product, what do people see when they look at you? Are you presented in the best way possible? Is there something else that could maximize your marketability? What is your ad campaign, in other words, how do people learn about what you do?

The final step is fulfillment. When someone deals with your product (you) what do they experience? Is it always high quality, timely, excellent? Or is the product just mediocre?

So, if you make the choice to be a life entrepreneur, it's time to take a hard look. The product is you. How are sales going?

Ticket to Greatness

2009-03-28T13:50:00.000-07:00

Driving route 195 Jan and I were in a animated discussion about greatness. Specifically we were excited about our launch of greatness architects and the establishment of a new charitable foundation called the Greatness Project Fund. Greatness architects are like minded individuals who are imagining and designing ways that they or others can achieve greatness. We hope to create a world-wide movement to engage people in the dialogue about and unleashing of personal greatness. But our dialogue was interrupted by the flashing lights of the police car behind us. Yep. The officer was pulling us over.

Walking up to our car he stopped slightly behind the front door and asked for Jan's license and registration. Looking them over he told us "I pulled you over because you were going 78 in a 65 mile an hour zone. I'll be right back." But instead of walking back to his car he asked "was there some emergency that you were going so fast?" Jan replied "no, we were just having a really exciting dialogue about greatness." The office stopped and then asked "you were discussing greatness?" We replied yes and told him about greatness architects and the greatness project fund.

After a brief discussion, the officer smiled broadly and said to Jan "I'm gonna let you go today with just a warning to slow down. And, when you talk about this, tell people you met a great NJ state trooper." With that he walked back to his patrol car.

I'm not advocating using this method to get out of a ticket, but as an example of the interest so many people have in greatness. My hope is that as we move more people to talk about greatness, it will change behavior, mindsets and eventually change lives. Hopefully the dialogue is a true ticket to greatness.

Getting Out of Our Own Way

2009-03-24T18:52:00.000-07:00

Flying to Akron, Ohio to work with a business on leadership, I'm stuck pondering why we get in our own way to greatness. Jan, my business partner, had a session with business leaders in Chicago. Despite having research to show how moving toward a positive work environment was more productive, the group argued about why they would want to recognize someone for good work or even be positive. Says a lot about the state of business these days. More importantly these leaders requested the session because things are not going well. Yet presented with well-researched methods to improve their performance as well as their employees, they steadfastly refused to change their behavior.
Rather than spend my time berating these leaders, I also have to admit that change does not come easily to me either. I have my ways of thinking and doing that I've developed over the past 52 years. And when push comes to shove I'm tempted to push and shove new ideas out of my way rather than change. So how do we get out of our own way? I think we need help. On our own we can remain steadfast in denial that anything needs to change. When there are those we trust, who we listen to, they can call us to greater things.
Call them coach, mentor, colleague, or simply friend, we need people in our lives who push us out of our own way. These are people who remind us of who we can be when we are either too blind to see the next step or too stubborn to take it. That old adage “behind every successful man, there’s a woman” is mostly true. But perhaps we can make it more inclusive to say that behind every successful person there is someone who encourages them. I’m lucky enough to have begun with one person who I trusted very much. Now I’m willing to listen to others and so my circle of “encouragers” has expanded.
Who do you listen to, talk to, share your ideas with? If you can’t name someone, get someone. It is easy to become lost in our own thoughts, behaviors, habits, and actions. We need others to push us out of our own way, to help us achieve our greatness.

Hang Up The Phone

2009-03-16T18:00:00.000-07:00

Tonight I asked Jan, my business partner and friend, "what did you learn about greatness today?" Okay, so I'm not good with small talk and tend to go right for deep conversations. But Jan had an answer for me. She told me that she had watched someone facilitate a session about stress management. This facilitator has a good reputation and it was a small group. What Jan told me was "he could have phoned it in. He is really good at facilitation and could have coasted through the session and all of the evaluations would have been fine, but he didn't. He was focused, engaging, energetic and gave it his all." She said that "watching him I became so aware that we have a choice in everything we do either to lay back and just show up, or to really do our best. Great individuals bring their best every time."

Let me offer another contrasting example. About a month ago I had the opportunity to hear a singing legend and was really excited about the opportunity. However, though acknowledged as one of "the greats", she sauntered in 90 minutes late, no apologies, sang mostly to the band and didn't engage the audience at all. I was almost glad when the concert ended. I enjoyed a dramatic contrast last week when I saw Hall and Oates in Asbury Park. Though already in the songwriters' hall of fame, they gave it there all, connected with the audience, were alive and energetic and responded to our enthusiasm with three encores. They were great. I was buzzing about their concert for days afterward. They really impacted me and that is what great people do.

Jan reinforced a key characteristic of great individuals. They don't "phone it in." They aren't partially present to those things they care about. They are fully present, engaged and enlivened by what they are doing at that moment. Well, what about the rest of us? Are we really fully present to what we do, who we love, and what we care about? Or are we just phoning it in?

Donut or Not?

2009-03-06T09:58:00.001-08:00

Okay, I read a lot of blogs. This morning I was reading a blog dissing mindfulness meditation. The writer dismissed mindfulness essentially because it made people too calm. Interesting. She proposed that people are more "human" when they get upset and explode. Aside from an apparently negative view of humanity, there was a more important point made when the writer acknowledged that she gave up on mindfulness because it was too hard. So perhaps it was easier to debase mindfulness rather than admit she could not commit to it.

Daily we are confronted with the choice to continue with our disciplines, new habits, exercise, or whatever we've committed to. Yep, sometimes it seems easier to just give in and give up. Currently some of the closest people around me have committed to a wellness regimen. They are eating healthy and exercising. Yet, the choice is constantly in front of them. Walking into Dunkin' Donuts this morning for coffee, one of my friends whispered "Maple frosted with sprinkles," sighed and then ordered just a cup of coffee. A choice, but a choice that has repercussions.

Research indicates that discipline in one area of our life affects other areas. When we take control of something small, it manifests itself in all we do. Though I've no research to back this up, I have to also believe the opposite; when I let discipline go in one area, it affects many other disciplines.

We create artificial moments to start anew; New Year's resolutions, Lent, a new job or an opportunity. We also use life tragedies and triumphs to promise new behavior: 9/11, the miracle on the Hudson, the birth of a child, marriage or death. The key is continuing the journey toward the new life. So the next time you are confronted with the choice of forgoing a discipline, promise, or resolution ask yourself two questions: Why go backwards? Do I really want to start this all over again? It's easier to pass up the donut, or continue with the meditating.

Give Time Time

2009-03-01T11:33:00.000-08:00

The devil was on my mind this morning and it wasn't just because I was at church. Okay, it started there. We heard the christian scripture story about Jesus going out to the desert and the devil tempting him. Interestingly, all of the temptations concern solving problems - hunger and power for example, immediately. Whether you are christian or not the story points out one of the key challenges to greatness in our society - immediacy. We want everything right now including greatness. We don't want to take the time to develop our skills, ideas, or plans. We want success and we want it immediately. We won't give time, time.

The reality is that we have to give ourselves and others a break. In 42 BC Publius Syrus said "It takes a long time to bring excellence to maturity." More recently, in his new book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell offers the current research indicating that it takes approximately 10,000 hours of practice to achieve excellence. The problem is that our society offers instant gratification in so many areas that we somehow want to believe ourselves capable of achieving greatness quickly. It's true that we can achieve fame almost overnight (American Idol, Survivor), or fortune instantly (MegaMillions lottery is currently at $212 million dollars), yet the reality is that greatness will not be rushed.

We need to be humble enough to allow ourselves and others to develop and mature. Setting short term goals helps; we all need to know we are succeeding. But more importantly we have to realize that we will not achieve our personal greatness overnight. Don't be tempted. Give time time.

Nothing But The Radio On

2009-02-18T12:30:00.000-08:00

Our radio host, Joe Fermano, on WNJC 1360 AM, was so excited we could hear him coming out of his chair. His interview about our book, Pathways to Greatness, was scheduled to run 30 minutes with one intermission for commercial break. He skipped the commercial break and went straight through until the music cut him off at the end of the show. "You have to come back, you have to come back" he insisted. Joe raved about the book, even on his YouTube video called "I am the greatest." Clearly he was excited to talk about greatness.

In Australia a friend listened in to the radio show online (technology is amazing) and IMd me afterward on Facebook. He loved the interview and thought it went really well, but he encouraged us to "get the message out about greatness." "We need to hear this, especially right now."

This morning, an entrepreneur friend heard about the radio show and sat me down to ask about it. After I filled in the details he said, "helping us all focus on greatness and how to achieve it is just what we need right now. How can you get this message out there?"

My question also. Every time we speak about greatness, people read our book or respond to this blog it creates excitement and energy. Just the opposite of what is currently happening. So how do we spread the research about greatness? How do we involve others in creating a movement to focus on greatness even in difficult times? A small AM radio station was a start, but where can it end?

Wadda You Lookin At?

2009-02-11T11:39:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had someone look at you? I mean really look at you, deeply, directly into your eyes? It can be disconcerting at times. In some places it can be a direct threat (I was born in New York City). Yet in the best of times it is a wonderful acknowledgement of the person you are. That direct, deep look fosters a connection which creates great moments of creativity, collaboration, intimacy and a host of other positive behaviors. When I connect in this manner, or someone connects with me, the ability to create something positive is almost effortless because by the simple action of looking someone in the eye, I acknowledge their personhood, uniqueness and contribution.

A principle found in Positive Psychology is that individuals and organizations tend to move in the direction that they focus on. Though this principle is not about eye contact, I think it applies very well. Think of the effect of two different experiences. In one conversation you attempt to explain your idea to someone, only to watch them looking at their Blackberry, glance at the paper, look at the floor, looking anywhere but at you. They are moving in a direction, but it is not toward you. How do you feel? How empowered are you now? Yet in a different conversation your listener looks directly into your eyes as you speak. They acknowledge the words you speak, even without saying a word. Since they are focusing only on you, it seems that they are connecting with you. Now how do you feel?

I don't know about you, but I want people around me who listen to me and look at me when I am speaking. They enliven me and make me feel that my ideas are valuable. But a more important lesson for me was learning to do the same for others. I am often distracted by my Blackberry, computer screen, or movement behind the person I'm listening to. They know it and I know it. So I use a discipline now. I make sure I see the color of their eyes. If I don't know the color of their eyes at the end of the conversation, I know I have not looked at them. Sound simple? Try it. You will find out how often you aren't really looking. More importantly, you will learn to look and connect, and those around you will want to speak with you because you make them feel great.

Why Don't We Change The World?

2009-02-07T09:45:00.000-08:00

We are in a crisis of global proportions. No one denies this. We are at a turning point in history. Many people believe this. We can do something about this crisis moment to turn the world in a positive direction. Only a few people are doing something. So, what is the difference with this final group?

It has always amazed me that difficult times draw out diverse and often violently opposite reactions. There are those who look for fault, and wonder who is to blame. Others hide their heads in the sand and wait for the mess to pass. Some people anoint others to fix the problem and then wait for their heros to act. Then there are those who, without waiting for the government, church, corporation to either give them permission, or assistance, set out to fix the problem.

Ode Magazine, in the January/February 2009 Issue highlights 25 "intelligent optimists" who are doing something about changing the world. Their stories are powerful insights into individuals who don't just buck the system, they completely ignore it (or its obstacles) in order to bring new, creative, positive ideas to fruition. These aren't radicals, but dedicated men and women who did not wait for someone else to solve world problems, they tackled them on their own.

Looking at myself I wonder if I have the characteristics these people embody. Most times, even when I think of a positive idea, it languishes until something distracts me and I focus elsewhere. Or I bemoan the possibility of doing something new while simultaneously someone else is already doing it.

What can we learn from these people? Hey, I'm learning that if I want to change the world, I just have to go out and do something. Talking never accomplished anything by itself. Secondly, I'm learning to set my sights high. The dramatic changes listed in Ode are amazing and I'm sure everyone told these people they were going to be disappointed. Finally, most of them had help. Guess I'm learning that I can't do it alone. So, what do you want to do?

Another Chance

2009-02-02T17:53:00.001-08:00

Those of us who were in New York City on September 11th as the World Trade Center Towers were attacked thought that life would never be the same. On Fifth Avenue, crowds huddled around cars with their radios turned up so everyone could hear the news and the only other sound was crying. We promised we'd treasure every moment, love our families, live the life of our dreams. Yet less than two months later, on a flight to California, I overheard someone say that they were tired of hearing about 9/11. When I returned to New York City, the horns had started again, the anger was back, people were running to make money, and it was as if it was all a bad dream. Very few people changed. What does it take to make us aware of what is important in life? What does it take to make us embrace our dreams and live the life we really desire?

A study of great individuals in history identified "trigger points." These were moments in the person's life, or events in history, that challenged them to think differently, to act differently, and change their behavior. In each of their lives, it was the catalyst that helped unleash their greatness.

All of us have another chance. We stand on the edge of a new awareness and this one can't be ignored by one group or another, it affects all of us. It can't be dismissed by different countries, we are all in this one together. The financial and business systems we fostered are flawed, not because of what they produced, but because they were driven by greed and excess. The majority of us went along with it because we also prospered. Now they have failed. It is a "trigger point" for all of us. We cannot live with business as usual. Now is the time to rethink how we go about our lives. We have the chance to ask the hard questions: what is important to me? Am I pursuing it? Am I living out my own personal greatness?

Can we talk?

2009-01-24T06:44:00.000-08:00

Abraham Lincoln always fascinated me even at a young age. So, I knew about his "team of rivals" and willingness to listen to everyone's opinion. I thought that he was a great man and a little nuts. After all, who would invite his or her rivals to help in running a government? I use to believe that great men and women had the answers and then let others in on their findings. Wrong.

Studying great individuals reveals that they share an attitude of openness. They listen to and understand what other people suggest, and glean from conversations the most important information. Listening makes them no less passionate about their beliefs, but connects them to the other person (even their adversary) because they begin by identifying the common goal.

So I question, how open are we? Are we willing to listen carefully, respectfully to another view of an issue or do we just shout them down and dismiss them, if not out loud, in our mind? Who knows, by listening we all might learn something.

Were Your Eyes Opened?

2009-01-19T11:34:00.000-08:00

"Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve." Martin Luther King Jr.

It started as a simple thought, "let's participate in the National Day of Service." We chose The Center in Asbury Park, NJ a residence for individuals with HIV/AIDS. The posting on the website for the National Day of Service said they needed canned goods and hats and scarfs. We drove over to ask them what they really needed. Colleen and Bob, two volunteers, met us at the door and gave us a tour. The care and concern for everyone who walked through the doors was immediate. Throughout the tour, meeting and acknowledging residents and volunteers alike, everyone was smiling and upbeat. The Center opens the doors to help many others who are not residents and have an amazing food pantry. But Colleen took us into another storage room. "What we don't have are basic toiletries. There is no deoderant, shampoo, or especially in this cold weather, skin lotion." A list in our hands, we left with the awareness that we take so much for granted. Two more messages awaited us on our service day.
Filling our basket full at a local CVS we told the woman behind the register what we were doing. She was thrilled and glad that we were helping out. Then shared her story of having been very wealthy, but she went through a divorce and spent all of her remaining money on health care for her mother who had no insurance. Now she wasn't sure how to pay the bills. But she thanked us for helping others. We walked out more aware of our health and our insurance.
Stepping out the door of the CVS we were asked for money. A "train ticket" was the reason he told us. But after giving him a little cash we watched as he walked into the nearby Burger King to get something to eat. Now we were conscious that we are always able to eat.
The Center was very grateful for the donations, but the residents especially were overjoyed with the candy. Colleen tipped us off that they rarely got treats and the residents loved them. The little bags of chocolate bars were the highlight. Amazing the things that make a day special.
Service opens eyes. It opened mine. So, what did you do today? Were your eyes opened.

Hopeless? Not Yet

2009-01-15T03:56:00.000-08:00

Sunday morning. Typical ritual for me. Coffee, relaxing music and the New York Times. By the time I finished reading the paper I felt physically beaten down. The news shouted about Israel and Gaza, Russia and the Ukraine, about new conflicts starting in Africa and the continuing tension between India and Pakistan. Pummled by the world I turned to business only to be buried under the avalance of news about bad markets, bad business, and bad people. It was endless. So, I felt myself searching for some sign of hope in all of this bad news.

Our society revels in bad news. Some people claim that it is "reality." Perhaps. But studying great individuals you discover that they thrive in difficult times because they simultaneously see both the current difficulties and a hopeful future. The difference is that they work on the hopeful future. Hope is not just wishing. It is a discipline of establishing a goal, setting the path, and doing everything in your power to succeed.

After I put the paper down I thought of what I hope for in this world. Perhaps this moment can be a turning point. There is a growing distaste globally for violence as a resolution to anything. I hope for more avenues to peace. The partisan war in politics has paralyzed this country. I hope for rational, cooperative politicians to work together to move us forward. Finally, the global financial meltdown highlights that money is not the only answer. I hope we rebuild an economy that focuses more on providing opportunities for everyone to achieve his or her greatness.

Hoping creates energy and drive. It spurs us to move from complaining and worrying to discovering innovative ways to deal with challenges. What do you hope for?

Integrity in the HOV Lane

2009-01-07T18:13:00.000-08:00

In the wake of the financial crisis, where CEOs made selfish decisions that destroyed the lives of many people, the question arises "Didn't they teach ethics in business school?" We look at Bernie Madoff and Governor Rod Blagojevich of Illinois and easily condemn them while opining that they are not men of integrity.

It would be easy to place the guilt on MBA programs, law schools, universities and other institutions. Others might blame parents and say that they are not doing their job. Still others might cry the lack of religion and long for the day of hell-fire and brimstone. But the toughest place we might have to look is in the mirror. Are we tolerating lack of integrity in ourselves and others and in doing so encouraging greater and greater lapses in integrity until someone finally gets caught.

A quick example might help. This evening, driving back to Trenton from New York City, I was amazed at all the cars that were driving in the HOV Lane, which is supposed to be for vehicles with 3 or more occupants, and was stunned with how many of them had only one person. So I started counting and identified 14 cars in a row with only one passenger. By the way, I know the HOV was not lifted tonight.

So, though it might be easy for us to point fingers at those who showed a lack of integrity and hurt others, my question is where did it start? It started with some small broken law, infraction, bent rule because someone thought no one would get hurt. After a while it gets easier.

If I've learned one thing, it is that greatness begins with the small things, not the big ones. We build from seeds that we and others plant. So, our behaviors now, are our destiny to come. What do we choose?

Who Has Time For Greatness?

2009-01-05T18:06:00.000-08:00

Lunch today provided a deeper glimpse into a world Jan Sparrow and I are just beginning to explore, the universe of social networking... online of course. A good friend, Meredith Gould, gave us a crash course on the use of these social sites to expand our social real estate and promote ourselves. It amazed me the various ways that I can link to our business website, www.asgmc.com, my publishing company, www.greatinsightspress.com, our passion for greatness, www.greatnessproject.com, and even our hope for our next venture, www.greatnessarchitects.com. Okay, so after the conversation today I joined Twitter. So far it's the most complicated networking site I've seen. But of course I'm also already on Facebook, LinkedIn and Ning and that is aside from my three email addresses. Our question to Meredith at the end of lunch was "who has time for all this?"

Supposedly this is the 21st century way to do business, and perhaps it is. But is this a way to live? Over the recent holiday I had an interesting experience in "unplugging." I left my laptop at a friend's house knowing I would be back the next day and I went home without it. For 24 hours I was without a computer. Of course I had my BlackBerry, but that is not the same. I found myself wandering into my study looking longingly at the table where I usually get online. It amazed me how seduced I've become to this electronic world.

In the time without emails (I turned my BlackBerry off), Facebook, Ning, LinkedIn, or surfing I rediscovered the joy of a good book. I sat for a while and just thought. I even played my guitar which I haven't touched for months. And all of a sudden it hit me. How can we accomplish great things if we are online all the time? What greatness can we aspire to if all we are doing is reading the accomplishments of others and satisfying ourself by making them our "friend?"

So for me, I'm limiting my time. Once in the morning and once at night. It's not easy because now I have time when I'm finished work. But maybe tonight I can use that time to think about changing the world. Or perhaps I'll just play my guitar again.

Our new book is published!!

2008-12-05T03:57:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'm pretty excited about this. We launched our new book after 8 years of study on greatness. The reviews are just coming out and everyone loves the book. Not that I live by reviews, but it's good to hear. What is also happening is that people are talking about the book. It strikes a chord in them. They challenge themselves to develop and are heartened to read about others who have also struggled with unleashing their greatness.

What is also gratifying is that the academic community and psychology community are looking seriously at the book. A review is forthcoming on positive psychology news daily and they found the research and studies we cite to be compelling as well as readable.

More than anything I am excited about the dialogue. Focusing on greatness and how to develop it in ourselves and others creates a totally different dynamic for academic, corporate, religious and political groups. Greatness shifts our focus to possibilities we had neither previously considered, nor thought possible.

If we move the global dialogue just slightly toward unleashing the capacity for greatness in all people the impact will be enormous. Now is a perfect opportunity to begin the dialogue. That's why I'm so excited about the book.

Our New BookPathways To Greatness: 77 Inspirational Essays from The Greatness Project is published. Go to www.greatinsightspress.com to order a copy today!

Opportunity Galore

2008-11-06T19:01:00.000-08:00

Prior to the Presidential election, Barack Obama appeared via satellite on John Stewart's comedy show, The Daily Show. One of the most important questions John asked of Barack Obama was "why do you want this job?" But he went further and clarified what he meant. He compared America to a car. "It is like getting a car" Stewart said. "When you were looking at it at first it was brand new. Now it's looking pretty dinged up and bad. Why would you want to be president with all of the difficulties facing you? Why not just walk away?" Obama laughed and replied that it is in difficult times that a president can really make a difference. So many people need someone to help them right now. Now presidential decisions really impact people's lives.

Earlier today, I was in a room full of middle management leaders of non-profit organizations. They listed all of the challenges facing them in this economic crisis. Some were content to stay mired in the difficulty of it all, bemoaning the fact that they could not do anything. Yet, all of a sudden some other managers spoke up and said that there was opportunity here. One saw the opportunity to offer a lower cost, high quality option for parents desiring good education for their children and stated that now they are being taken more seriously. Still another manager acknowledged that this downturn gave permission for some people to admit they needed help and her agency could now step in to offer help to so many more people.

Same situation, yet some people see barriers where others see bridges. Some leaders stop and wait for the difficulty to go away while others stop momentarily to roll up their sleeves and then dive in to see what they can do. Some complain that the circumstances inhibit them from proceeding, while others embrace the circumstances and proceed anyway. Greatness resides in the latter responses.

Difficulties always arise. Yet difficulties are only an indication that the path is not straight or level. It simply means that we have to steer a little differently.

The current situation in the world is challenging. It requires new ways of thinking and acting. Most of all, it requires great individuals to step up and lead. This time is ripe for great women and men to come forward. Historically, it is in the times of turmoil that great individuals rise and are recognized.

How are you responding? Are you searching for bridges, rolling up your sleeves and embracing the circumstances?

Missed Opportunity

2008-10-13T16:11:00.001-07:00

Sadly both Obama and McCain missed an opportunity to move this country toward greatness Even now they could do it, but it will take a strong leader. At the second debate, they were questioned when they would ask the citizens of this country to sacrifice. We are in the midst of two wars, tumultuous upheaval in the financial markets, and a deepening reliance on foreign oil. Yet in all of the talk, there has been no request for us, as citizens, to do anything. We are just supposed to go on about our business and not be a part of the future of our nation. That cannot happen.

Individuals, organizations, and nations that achieve greatness do so through sacrifice and struggle. They put aside individual comforts for the greater good. They realize that even small actions, combined, have tremendous impact. There is no person, organization, or nation that achieved greatness without sacrifice. Our nation was built on that notion, but recently we've seemed to have lost our concept of personal responsibility. Once we elect our leaders (which only a small percentage of us do) we then leave it to them to make everything right. It gives us great comfort that when things do not go our way we can blame them and not have to look in the mirror.

Whether they do it now or when one of them gets in the White House, either Obama or McCain has to call on all of us to help fix the problem. Though both of them have promised to end the Iraq war one way or the other, we still have to deal with the return of our troops and treating them well. We have a tremendous dependence on foreign oil and we could curb our use of it daily, move toward more energy efficiency and assist companies to find alternative fuel sources. We could even assist in repairing our international relations. All of us know people in countries around the world. A focused effort of contact with friends, asking for their assistance and getting a strong message out about our global concern, could begin to turn the tide, rather than wait for diplomats to do it.

I'm sure there are other ideas you have to change the world. But there are few of us who have the impact of a Bill Gates. Together, however, we can make a difference.

We need to be challenged by a leader who tells us what we can do and doesn't take it all on him or her self. We need to know we are part of the remedy. That struggle unites a people. That struggle unites a nation. That struggle makes a nation great.

Father Abraham

2008-07-03T03:42:00.000-07:00

If you haven't read Abraham Maslow recently (and who of us have) you might want to pick up a copy of his book The Farther Reaches of Human Nature. It is an exploration into the concept of greatness, though Maslow refers to it as self-actualization. Heck, if you don't want to read the entire book, just read chapter 3. Maslow identifies eight behaviors that lead to self-actualization. It is a "how-to" chapter on greatness.

Most of us are familiar with Abraham Maslow from our psych 101 classes in college. We learned about his "hierarchy of needs" culminating in self-actualization. It seemed from that brief perusal that Maslow focused only on the stages of development that life pushed us through. If we don't fulfill the needs in one stage, we don't progress to the next. It seemed very punitive and negative.

However, rereading Maslow recently for a paper I'm writing, I realized that he was much more than a needs-driven psychologist. Maslow explores the positive dimensions of psychology, especially the upper limits. Writing about self-actualization, peak experiences, and transcendence, he explores human possibilities with a rich lexicon that is part psychology, part philosophy and part poetry.

If you are interested in greatness then perhaps Maslow's description of how he began his study of self-actualization will seem familiar. "My investigations on self-actualization were not planned to be research and did not start out as research. They started out as the effort of a young intellectual to try to understand two of his teachers whom he loved, adored, and admired and who were very, very wonderful people. It was a kind of high-IQ devotion. I could not be content simply to adore, but sought to understand why these two people were so different from the run-of-the-mill people in the world." (emphasis mine). I found myself nodding in agreement as I thought about these words. Maslow read my mind and my desire to understand greatness.

If you wish to understand greatness, for yourself or others, pick up Abraham Maslow again. You won't be disappointed.

Getting in the way of greatness

2008-05-15T07:32:00.001-07:00

The current political race presents a powerful indictment of our country. Rather than focus on issues of policy we seemingly succumb to the maelstrom of our subtle (and no so subtle) prejudices. We analyze Clinton's sex, McCain's age, and Obama's race with aplomb. In corporate America, if someone raised these questions at an employee's performance appraisal he or she would be fired immediately. There are corporate laws protecting the rights of employees from this prejudicial nonsense. Reviewing job performance is about past, present and planned, future actions. Anything else is not pertinent to a job performance and is illegal. Not so in American politics. Thus we are pummeled by inane, inaccurate, and inappropriate information that should have nothing to do with our choice for a leader.

Perhaps we should vote blind. If all we saw was the record of the candidates' accomplishments and their ideas and policy suggestions without all the extraneous b.s. we could select a leader more on what they offered rather than vote against them because we were prejudice.

Years ago it was believed that women did not have the ability to play in the great orchestras. Though talented women auditioned for these positions the selection committees always found them lacking in some way. Only a few women successfully negotiated the gauntlet of auditioning. Finally it was suggested that all the musicians auditioning for a spot in an orchestra submit their resume without a name on it and audition behind a screen so the committee could not see them. The number of women selected to be on orchestras rose instantly.

How can individuals rise to greatness when their accomplishments and ideas are seen behind a veil of prejudice? If our primary concerns in a political year promote sexism, ageism, and racism the issues will be obscured and individuals who could be great will never be given a chance simply because they are different.

Where Are You?

2008-02-18T17:46:00.000-08:00

Okay, have you seen what the social entrepreneurs are doing? They are simply remaking the planet. They are not waiting until the government, or somebody else takes care of the poor, fixes the environment, or offers empowerment to the underpriviledged. By the power of passion and some really incredible ideas, they are choosing to do something about this planet before it is too late.

If you are confused at this point and have no clue what I'm talking about, let me recommend a book. The Power of Unreasonable People by John Elkington and Pamela Hartigan. Though I thought I was up to date with reasonable solutions to the worlds problems, these people are turning things on their heads. What are they doing? Look up the Aravind Eye Care System in India, the Social Stock Exchange in Brazil, ParqueSoft in Colombia, The Marine Stewardship Council in theUnited Kingdom and the Institute for OneWorld Health and One Laptop Per Child, both in the US. I'm not going to describe them here, that what the internet is for. Believe me, you won't believe what you find.

However, I'm also embarrassed. I was a part of the generation that was going to save the world (a younger part, but a part nonetheless). We protested, wrote letters, marched and had sit-ins. I was proud of my generation when we stood up to the world, protested a war, ended most of the remaining discrimination based on race and gender, and looked toward a hopeful future. Now when I look around (and I count myself in this group too) our sit-ins are at Starbucks, or Barnes and Nobel, our last "march" wasn't a protest, but a month on a calendar, and any time we get really upset, we might place an electronic signature on a mass generated email.

I love that these individuals (okay, I'll call them "young people" because they are all a lot younger than me) are not waiting for permission to do it right. They are just doing it. They are recreating the way money gets to the poor, pushing for a realization of the global footprint of every industry and.... well, hopefully they are embarrassing us into action.

It causes me to stop and look at my life and I hope it does the same for you. Since when have we become so focused on protecting our square-footage that we've lost sight of the bigger picture. There are people starving, and they don't have to. We have the ability, means and distribution to end poverty and hunger now. Do we have the desire?

Look around. Once again young people are marching to change things. But they are not marching for their own rights, but for those of others. I've been through this before, and so have many of you. But the last time, we were the ones in the street. Where are you now?

A New Year. So What?

2008-01-19T04:21:00.000-08:00

So, it is a new year. Big deal. Most of us probably forgot our resolutions by now or never even made any. Besides, what the heck, ruts and routine are comfortable. What is that old saying... "@#*# is warm." Yup. Better to just stay where we've always been and be able to complain about it rather than try something new and have no one but ourself responsible. And as for changing ourself, why bother? We'll just revert back to the same old, same old. Easier to save our energy rather than waste it on self-improvement. Besides, if we change, someone might expect more from us and we wouldn't want that.

Ever get these thoughts running through your head as you try living up to your New Year's resolutions? It is pretty normal because we are creatures of habit. Changing old habits to new ones requires time and effort. Sometimes we feel like Sisyphus, pushing the rock up the mountain only to have it roll back down again. The difference is that unlike Sisyphus, the rock does not roll all the way back to the bottom. Every time we take control of a segment of our life, or try to enhance something of ourselves, we push that rock further up the mountain toward achieving our personal best. If it rolls back, it rarely rolls all the way back to the start.

Let's look at reality for a second. It is 2008. How old are you? How much time do you think you have left on this planet? Even if you are relatively young (I keep thinking I'm young) can you guarantee you will live to your life expectancy? Probably not. The reality is that we don't control how fast time moves. We only control how we spend our time. So, are you living the life you want? REALLY?

All a new year does is raise questions. Probably the most important question pokes its head up at this time of year: how do you want to live your life? Resolutions, for many of us, are the baby steps we need. If we need to radically change our life, these little resolutions can lead to revolutions. But, it all depends on us.

So, it is a New Year. How are you going to live this year?

Wackos unite!

2007-10-15T12:10:00.000-07:00

Why does it seem that when people want to focus on doing good, or focus on the positive, they are labled as wackos? As we build the Greatness Project and dialogue with people about seeking greatness, it amazes me that so many people find the idea strange. Immediately they question me as to whether I have my eyes open to see all of the challenges and difficulty in the world (as if you could possibly miss it). They believe that focusing only on the negative will somehow achieve good things in the world. Well, if there is one thing I have learned is that if you look for something, you will definitely find it.

Yes, Virginia there is a crappy world out there. There is also a beautiful one right along side of it. I don't advocate ignoring the challenges of this world. But if you believe that we will achieve new inventions, development of culture, and interconnectedness by focusing on all the bad, I believe you are mistaken. There is a place for trying to fix that which is broken. And there is a place for making what is good even better.

On October 4-6 in Washington, DC the Positive Psychology Summit was held. The focus was how to create greater life satisfaction or well being in the world. Issues such as sustainability, poverty, employment, and more were identified. And also in the course of those days we talked about empowerment, passion and happiness. Of course some dismissed the conference as a gathering of starry-eyed optimists. Obviously they were not present. But even if they weren't there a question remains for me: why do we put down ANY attempt to make the world better?

If being concerned about the world is crazy, I'm in. If caring that people have the ability to create a life worth living is nuts, lable me nuts. If believing that we have the desire and capacity to elevate this world to a level as yet unknown is wacko, let me get in line. Where do you stand?

Good or Great?

2007-09-02T06:33:00.000-07:00

We just returned from two weeks in Asia. Our business in Hong Kong and Singapore was designed to help professionals communicate powerfully with their clients. Prior to our trip we spoke with experts about Asia; how people learn in Asia, how they use interaction in a training session, etc. We learned that the mindset is very different in Hong Kong and Singapore. No one likes to stand out because it might mean that another loses "face." Now, the concept of "face" that most of us westerners have is one of pride. However, the Asian concept of face is not necessarily pride for the individual, but pride for the group. Sure they do not want to be put down in front of a group. (Who does?) But they don't want to be highlighted. If they are praised then that means that others in the group did not do very well. Either praise or correction has to be given to the group as a whole, or in private.

But what struck us as more interesting is the expert on Asia told us the Greatness Project would not fly over there. He was right. We learned very quickly that individuals are not seeking greatness for themselves but for the whole group (whatever group they identify with). And more importantly, they don't like using any labels they consider extreme. Let me clarify that last statement. In a private session one of the professionals told me that the words "great" "fantastic" "wonderful" sound like a lie to him. "I don't believe you" he told me "when you use these words because nothing is perfect. There is always more that can be learned. To the Asian ear, we can't hear these words. Just say "good" or "bad".

So, are we just typically western because everything has to be grandiose? Do we use larger than life words to feel better about ourselves, or could we be honest and say we were "okay"? Speaking with friends when we returned we all agreed that in corporate America, no one just wants to be rated "good" as an employee. That's not good enough. We have to be rated higher. When some companies attempted to get correct rating scales for their employees it was challenging because as Americans we see good as average.

We still believe greatness, as a goal and concept, has universal applicability. What is more intriguing is that the word and concept can mean so many different things to so many different people. Maybe it means different things to every one of us. If we continue talking about it, perhaps we will come up with a better, broader concept. That would be... good.

Do You Hate Work?

2007-07-19T17:18:00.000-07:00

When did work become a four letter word? (You know what I mean) Complaining about work is almost a competitive sport. People complain about housework, homework, work-work; we even relegate exercise to the same category so we can complain about our workout.

We sound like a society that hates work. A USA Today poll in 2006 related that 64% of those surveyed hated their jobs. That isn't surprising considering we have a mental model in this country that we are supposed to "get through" our work so we can relax. Think about it, we have "Hump day" (Wednesday) "So Happy It's Thursday, and TGIF, thank God it's Friday. Yet the reality is that we spend more time at work than almost any other activity. So, how can we become great if we don't want to work?

In his book Flow, The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi discusses his research on where and when people experience "flow" (optimal experience) in their life. Surprisingly to most of us, flow is experienced more at work than at leisure. Why? Because we experience flow when we are pushed; when we have to think, or react, or get mentally stretched beyond where we have been before. We are tired, but elated. Yet even Mihaly acknowledges that his subsequent survey of individuals (even those who knew they had more flow experiences at work) uncovered that people still would rather have leisure over work. That attitude is rather obvious in many manufacturing, retail, and even hospitality businesses. Interacting with working people often is like negotiating a mine field of anger; they'd rather be home in front of the TV.

Mihaly also brings up an interesting point regarding our attitude toward work. He writes "As punishment for his ambition, Adam was sentenced by the Lord to work the earth with the sweat of his brow. The passage of Genesis (3:17) that relates this event reflects the way most cultures, and especially those that have reached the complexity of 'civilization,' conceive of work - as a curse to be avoided at all costs." (pg. 144) Perhaps this Judeo-Christian concept has tempered the enjoyment we might have around work.

God forbid if you really like (or even love) your work. There is nothing to talk about around the water cooler. You are seen as lucky, special, or weird. This reaction is natural because if you love your job then the other person can also. Maybe they don't want to.

Bringing life into work and work into life opens the possibility of flow experiences and creates the more important possibility we may do something great. Striving for something, straining to accomplish it, pouring out your sweat is what makes great things happen. And you know what, it feels good. Maybe we can save the word "work." Maybe it's good for something.

So what?

2007-06-25T06:18:00.000-07:00

Who cares about greatness? Well, if you're here you do and we do. Since beginning this project, it fascinates me how quickly people want to hear about what we've discovered. There is something in us, as humans, that drives us to desire something more, something greater. But why? Why do we want more than just survival, or, once we've accomplished that, leisure? Perhaps Maslow was correct with his hierarchy of needs building up to self-actualization. We desire to reach outside of ourselves.

My interest is more plebeian. Greatness fascinates me. I wonder why some "make it" and others don't. I ruminate on the combination of characteristics that blend to give one person success and another mediocrity. I wonder if there is a formula and in the same instant, realize that there is not, cannot be a formula since there are so many different aspects of greatness.

So, welcome to the Greatness Project blog. You will find more questions than answers here, but hopefully you will also find a place where you can ruminate on the state of greatness; your own, and that of the world.