With waves breaking over my head, I fought back panic. Glancing to my left, the shore seemed too far away to make it. I thought how ironic it would be if I drowned. Then I consciously slowed my breathing and heart rate. It took a few minutes, but I regained the calm I needed to complete my swim and I learned an important lesson in my journey to personal greatness.
I've never done a triathlon in my life, never participated in a road race since I was 25, never swam in competition and I gave up running over five years ago. Yet, I find myself entering my first sprint triathlon and facing the joy and pain of preparing for it. The most challenging part is the ocean swim. A little under half a mile, the swim runs along the New Jersey coast line next to Asbury Park. A little over a week ago I was swimming in rough surf when I learned my lesson.
At first the waves just seemed like a nuisance. Little by little they began chipping away at my confidence. Was I a little too far out from shore? Did I over-estimate the distance I could safely swim? Would I make it? After a series of three waves broke over my head just as I was trying to breathe I felt the first hint of panic. My heart started pounding. I cursed the relentless waves and pushed against them with all my might. But I knew one thing, I was losing the battle. That's when I chose to breathe deeply and calm myself. Immediately I realized that I could create a rhythm with my strokes that matched the waves. I surfaced for air in the troughs. Wonderfully as I made my turn to swim south again I realized that now the waves were aiding me. Though I would make two more "laps" I was fine.
Anytime we strive to accomplish something waves of opposition will impede us. Whether from others, organizations, the world around us, or even ourselves. Somehow parts of life resist change. My normal response is to fight as hard as I can against the waves as I did in the ocean. But perhaps I've learned my lesson. Rather than initially push harder against the waves of opposition, the next time I might just take a deep breath and learn their rhythm to see if I can move more efficiently through them.
Let's face it, there will always be waves when we strive to accomplish new things, or change our own life. Sometimes those waves will be larger than others, but they will be there nonetheless. The success of our lives, our personal growth and endeavors will depend on how we handle the waves. Cursing the waves doesn't help (though it might feel momentarily comforting), I'm learning from them and finding a way through them to my goals. Give it a try, the water's fine.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Nike is right!
As a writer I spend enormous amounts of time chewing on pens, pacing floors and sitting frozen with my hands extended over the keyboard. Anyone who has written knows the paralysis before writing. You attempt to discern the perfect topic, the perfect tone, the perfect point of view and you become frozen. A long time ago I received the best advice; just start writing, it will come. Now I realize that wisdom works in many ways toward greatness.
The key to any success, any endeavor is starting. I've long lost count of the individuals who tell me they have the great American novel, newest business idea, or are committing again to get in shape, and yet they haven't taken a step. Many of them won't. And it is not that they aren't committed or sincerely want to succeed. It just seems too overwhelming.
The other foe that has to be encountered is our inner negative voice. We come up with excuse after excuse, or very sincere, well-thought out reasons to avoid the challenge. Sometimes it is fear of success or failure, but mostly valid reasons keep us from pursuing our greatness today. Tomorrow after all is still a possibility in our reasoning.
The problem is that we allow these reasons and postponements to fool us into believing that eventually we will get around to our goal. I can't speak for you, but time seems to move rather quickly these days and all of a sudden I'm looking back at the end of another month, year or decade.
"Just do it" Nike proposes. There is sense in that axiom. When we jump in we find our equilibrium rather quickly. We realize that our task is not as difficult as we thought. There is also good research that early success (completing a small task or part of a project) will spur us on to continue.
So, jump in. If your fingers are poised over the keyboard, put them down and write. If you are waiting to start that business, write the plan. If you are getting in shape, walk to store to buy sneakers. But do something!! Because the worst regret in life is "I could have..."
The key to any success, any endeavor is starting. I've long lost count of the individuals who tell me they have the great American novel, newest business idea, or are committing again to get in shape, and yet they haven't taken a step. Many of them won't. And it is not that they aren't committed or sincerely want to succeed. It just seems too overwhelming.
The other foe that has to be encountered is our inner negative voice. We come up with excuse after excuse, or very sincere, well-thought out reasons to avoid the challenge. Sometimes it is fear of success or failure, but mostly valid reasons keep us from pursuing our greatness today. Tomorrow after all is still a possibility in our reasoning.
The problem is that we allow these reasons and postponements to fool us into believing that eventually we will get around to our goal. I can't speak for you, but time seems to move rather quickly these days and all of a sudden I'm looking back at the end of another month, year or decade.
"Just do it" Nike proposes. There is sense in that axiom. When we jump in we find our equilibrium rather quickly. We realize that our task is not as difficult as we thought. There is also good research that early success (completing a small task or part of a project) will spur us on to continue.
So, jump in. If your fingers are poised over the keyboard, put them down and write. If you are waiting to start that business, write the plan. If you are getting in shape, walk to store to buy sneakers. But do something!! Because the worst regret in life is "I could have..."
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Take a Day Off
I can still hear the brogue, rough and smooth at the same time. "Take a day off" my grandfather would often say. Yet he, Patrick O'Connor, was one of the hardest workers I've ever seen. Clearly he knew the reality of balance and his wisdom is essential in our 24/7 environment.
Technology pushes us to be constantly present. Reports of people sleeping with their PDAs by them on the pillow is not uncommon. As technology allows us to stray from the office, simultaneously it binds us to our work late into the evening and on weekends. There is a societal expectation of immediate response to a text or email and often if we don't respond immediately the person will call to find out why we did not answer. This is not healthy especially when trying to unleash personal greatness. Why?
Without the mental and physical down-time there is no rejuvenation. We need time away both mentally and physically to allow our bodies and minds the rest they deserve. Beside, though we think we will accomplish more as we toil away 24/7 it is simply not true. We are less creative, vulnerable to stress, and gradually unable to function.
Simply taking 20 minutes at lunch to GET AWAY from your desk can drive more productivity in the afternoon. But taking a full day off, to most of us that is not possible. Yet, taking time to be quiet, to think, to rest is one of the most powerful, productive strategies we can employ. It is in those moments that new ideas blossom, relationships develop and the body replenishes. It's not easy. I know. But over the past month I've explored taking quiet time in the morning, before turning on the computer, my PDA, or reading the news. Creative ideas came in those early hours, along with some necessary soul searching.
My grandfather was right. Take a day off. It will do you good; body, mind and soul.
Technology pushes us to be constantly present. Reports of people sleeping with their PDAs by them on the pillow is not uncommon. As technology allows us to stray from the office, simultaneously it binds us to our work late into the evening and on weekends. There is a societal expectation of immediate response to a text or email and often if we don't respond immediately the person will call to find out why we did not answer. This is not healthy especially when trying to unleash personal greatness. Why?
Without the mental and physical down-time there is no rejuvenation. We need time away both mentally and physically to allow our bodies and minds the rest they deserve. Beside, though we think we will accomplish more as we toil away 24/7 it is simply not true. We are less creative, vulnerable to stress, and gradually unable to function.
Simply taking 20 minutes at lunch to GET AWAY from your desk can drive more productivity in the afternoon. But taking a full day off, to most of us that is not possible. Yet, taking time to be quiet, to think, to rest is one of the most powerful, productive strategies we can employ. It is in those moments that new ideas blossom, relationships develop and the body replenishes. It's not easy. I know. But over the past month I've explored taking quiet time in the morning, before turning on the computer, my PDA, or reading the news. Creative ideas came in those early hours, along with some necessary soul searching.
My grandfather was right. Take a day off. It will do you good; body, mind and soul.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
The Great, Almost Great and Perseverance
Over the past week I've encountered the famous, not-so-famous, and possibly-going-to-be famous and I've been reminded of probably the most important factor in greatness: perseverance. Our perseverance might just determine how successful we will be in unleashing our personal greatness.
Last week, Bruce Springsteen walked right by our window in Asbury Park checking out a courtyard that is next to our bookstore. There was no one with him, no hordes of crowds following him and he seemed a bit lost. Yet later, on the street with his wife, we saw the Bruce that everyone knows waving to people and shaking their hands. A police officer who has been in Asbury Park for years told me he remembers Bruce sitting outside of the stores on Cookman avenue with his guitar case open playing for quarters. Tough to imagine but Bruce persevered and became "The Boss."
On May 2nd we hosted Junot Diaz, author of "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" which won the Pulitzer Prize. Junot shared the reality of coming to the United States from the Dominican Republic not knowing the language, putting himself through college and then spending 11 years writing his book. There was one point where he stopped and couldn't write for years. But he persevered and finished his book. Junot said "As a Hispanic, I have to do everything three times better than the next guy just to get noticed."
Freddie Vargas, who was also present on May 2nd, is a film writer and producer and is also from the Dominican Republic. He came to the States, learned English, put himself through college and still works multiple jobs so he can pursue his passion: making movies. He just won an award for his short movie "Hispaniola." When I asked Freddy how he succeeded he told me "You have to have a passion for what you do. And you have to persevere through everything that's thrown at you." He persevered and is now working on his first full length film.
Sometimes I think that as a privileged white male I haven't really learned about perseverance. It is easy for me to gain access to people and put my ideas out there. What would happen if things got tough? How about you? Got a dream you've put aside because it was difficult? Or are you still pursuing it in the face of all obstacles? Persevere!
Last week, Bruce Springsteen walked right by our window in Asbury Park checking out a courtyard that is next to our bookstore. There was no one with him, no hordes of crowds following him and he seemed a bit lost. Yet later, on the street with his wife, we saw the Bruce that everyone knows waving to people and shaking their hands. A police officer who has been in Asbury Park for years told me he remembers Bruce sitting outside of the stores on Cookman avenue with his guitar case open playing for quarters. Tough to imagine but Bruce persevered and became "The Boss."
On May 2nd we hosted Junot Diaz, author of "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" which won the Pulitzer Prize. Junot shared the reality of coming to the United States from the Dominican Republic not knowing the language, putting himself through college and then spending 11 years writing his book. There was one point where he stopped and couldn't write for years. But he persevered and finished his book. Junot said "As a Hispanic, I have to do everything three times better than the next guy just to get noticed."
Freddie Vargas, who was also present on May 2nd, is a film writer and producer and is also from the Dominican Republic. He came to the States, learned English, put himself through college and still works multiple jobs so he can pursue his passion: making movies. He just won an award for his short movie "Hispaniola." When I asked Freddy how he succeeded he told me "You have to have a passion for what you do. And you have to persevere through everything that's thrown at you." He persevered and is now working on his first full length film.
Sometimes I think that as a privileged white male I haven't really learned about perseverance. It is easy for me to gain access to people and put my ideas out there. What would happen if things got tough? How about you? Got a dream you've put aside because it was difficult? Or are you still pursuing it in the face of all obstacles? Persevere!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Positive Deviants
Are you a positive deviant? Am I? Sounds like a personal and intrusive question doesn't it? Yet I couldn't help but reflect on this after I received an email from Harvard Business Review. They offered me an advanced copy of a new book coming out in June 2010 In THE POWER OF POSITIVE DEVIANCE (Harvard Business Press, June 2010), Richard Pascale, the late Jerry Sternin, and Monique Sternin. Apparently they present a counter intuitive new approach to problem solving. The concept is simple: look for outliers who succeed against all odds. By seeing solutions where others don't, these positive deviants spread and sustain needed change. Positive deviance (PD) is founded on the premise that at least one person in a community—working with the same resources as everyone else—has already licked the problem that confounds others. I've not received the book yet, but I'll review it as soon as I do and pass the information on to you.
Meanwhile I reflected on whether or not I was a positive deviant or did I know positive deviants. There are multi-levels of skills and capabilities here. It is not as simple as they make it out to be. But ask yourself if you are part of this group.
The initial premise is that these positive deviants succeed against all odds. This requires enormous perseverance or grit. That is a characteristic that has been proven to equate to success more than IQ or status. So, do you have grit?
Second is that these deviants see solutions where others don't. They see spaces in walls that stop others and find the tunnels through mountains that seem impassable. Can you see solutions? Or do you wait for others to find them?
Finally these deviants spread and sustain needed change. That requires more than just perseverance, but an ability to influence others to move along with the actions you are taking; to get early adopters to buy into the idea. Can you convince others to join you?
I have not read the book, but I'm interested to learn about these positive deviants. After personal reflection, I'm not sure I fit the description, but I know I've met and supported the deviants I've met. So for all you positive deviants out there and for those who support you, remember, we need you, perhaps now more than ever.
Meanwhile I reflected on whether or not I was a positive deviant or did I know positive deviants. There are multi-levels of skills and capabilities here. It is not as simple as they make it out to be. But ask yourself if you are part of this group.
The initial premise is that these positive deviants succeed against all odds. This requires enormous perseverance or grit. That is a characteristic that has been proven to equate to success more than IQ or status. So, do you have grit?
Second is that these deviants see solutions where others don't. They see spaces in walls that stop others and find the tunnels through mountains that seem impassable. Can you see solutions? Or do you wait for others to find them?
Finally these deviants spread and sustain needed change. That requires more than just perseverance, but an ability to influence others to move along with the actions you are taking; to get early adopters to buy into the idea. Can you convince others to join you?
I have not read the book, but I'm interested to learn about these positive deviants. After personal reflection, I'm not sure I fit the description, but I know I've met and supported the deviants I've met. So for all you positive deviants out there and for those who support you, remember, we need you, perhaps now more than ever.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Fasting from Fear
Recently I was asked to preach at local parish. The scripture readings were a hodgepodge and the pastor even apologized that I had to preach on them. Yet as I read through the passages a very familiar phrase jumped out at me, "be not afraid." Now I've heard this phrase constantly used as an assurance and a reason to be at peace, but I never thought of it as a command. But something in the readings made me think of it differently.
The command "be not afraid" or "do not fear" is found almost twice as many times as the command to love in the Bible. Whether you believe or not, this is an interesting commentary on life and demands to be looked at. What are we afraid of and how does it inhibit us?
Think about it. I know that for me, as an introvert, it is difficult for me to approach new people. Why? I know that there is a fear of rejection. The same applies when I withhold honest feedback in a relationship. I'm afraid I might hurt the other person. That is honorable, but then they miss important feedback. So, what are you afraid of in life? How do those fears inhibit you? Remember, the only fears that are natural to us are fear of loud noises and fear of falling. The rest we've learned.
But what would life be like if we had no fear, obviously within reason. We would reach out to others and cross barriers. We wouldn't see color, sex, creed, or any other prejudice. We would be willing to unleash our greatest talents because we could put aside the inhibitions of fear. It could be an amazing life!
Fasting is a concept embraced by many different facets of society. It involves setting something aside or denying oneself for a period of time. What if we fasted from fear? What would life be like if we embraced our full self without fear of what others might say, fear of success, or fear of failure? It might just be the jump start many of us look for. Be not afraid. That is a fast worth embracing.
The command "be not afraid" or "do not fear" is found almost twice as many times as the command to love in the Bible. Whether you believe or not, this is an interesting commentary on life and demands to be looked at. What are we afraid of and how does it inhibit us?
Think about it. I know that for me, as an introvert, it is difficult for me to approach new people. Why? I know that there is a fear of rejection. The same applies when I withhold honest feedback in a relationship. I'm afraid I might hurt the other person. That is honorable, but then they miss important feedback. So, what are you afraid of in life? How do those fears inhibit you? Remember, the only fears that are natural to us are fear of loud noises and fear of falling. The rest we've learned.
But what would life be like if we had no fear, obviously within reason. We would reach out to others and cross barriers. We wouldn't see color, sex, creed, or any other prejudice. We would be willing to unleash our greatest talents because we could put aside the inhibitions of fear. It could be an amazing life!
Fasting is a concept embraced by many different facets of society. It involves setting something aside or denying oneself for a period of time. What if we fasted from fear? What would life be like if we embraced our full self without fear of what others might say, fear of success, or fear of failure? It might just be the jump start many of us look for. Be not afraid. That is a fast worth embracing.
Friday, February 12, 2010
What Happens When the Voices Stop?
Part of my life experience was helping in hospitals where I encountered my share of patients who heard voices. We were trained to deal gently with these individuals until someone with more expertise could be called. Yet, I always thought of these individuals as outside the confines of normal society until recently. Now I'm hearing my own inner voices. Nope, I'm not losing it, but rather becoming aware of something that's been going on for a long time and I think others may experience.
How did I start hearing voices? Well, our study of greatness this year focuses on the inner processes that many individuals experience in order to fully understand who they are and what they bring to their part of the world. I'm trying many different practices that unveil our inner world. Elementary to many of these practices is slowing down long enough to be aware of all the thoughts flying through our heads. So, I tried slowing down.
I've heard practitioners offer the analogy of sitting beside a river (of your thoughts) and just calmly watching them drift by without judgement or action. Initially when I tried this I was aware that my thoughts don't drift. They are like level four rapids. Still that didn't stop me from diving in to fix or judge them whenever and wherever I felt like it. Seemed like I couldn't stop myself.
After about four days of being aware of this rushing river I started getting a better handle on it and, though I dove in a lot, it wasn't quite as often. I learned to notice the judgements on myself and others, the "shoulds," "oughts," and "have tos," that rippled by with all the other thoughts.
Then after about a week and a half, I noticed a silence in my head. No judgements, to dos, or lists to tackle, just a focus on what I was doing. Oh, it didn't last long since I had to dissect the silence, judge it and categorize it, but it was there. And then I felt a wonderful peace because that moment was just mine. I guess for that moment the voices stopped. So, I'm gonna sit by this river a little longer and see what else happens.
How did I start hearing voices? Well, our study of greatness this year focuses on the inner processes that many individuals experience in order to fully understand who they are and what they bring to their part of the world. I'm trying many different practices that unveil our inner world. Elementary to many of these practices is slowing down long enough to be aware of all the thoughts flying through our heads. So, I tried slowing down.
I've heard practitioners offer the analogy of sitting beside a river (of your thoughts) and just calmly watching them drift by without judgement or action. Initially when I tried this I was aware that my thoughts don't drift. They are like level four rapids. Still that didn't stop me from diving in to fix or judge them whenever and wherever I felt like it. Seemed like I couldn't stop myself.
After about four days of being aware of this rushing river I started getting a better handle on it and, though I dove in a lot, it wasn't quite as often. I learned to notice the judgements on myself and others, the "shoulds," "oughts," and "have tos," that rippled by with all the other thoughts.
Then after about a week and a half, I noticed a silence in my head. No judgements, to dos, or lists to tackle, just a focus on what I was doing. Oh, it didn't last long since I had to dissect the silence, judge it and categorize it, but it was there. And then I felt a wonderful peace because that moment was just mine. I guess for that moment the voices stopped. So, I'm gonna sit by this river a little longer and see what else happens.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)