Truisms are truisms mostly because they are true. For example "honesty is the best policy" applies to relationships, business, even medical checkups. And honesty is also a key to understanding what direction to take in pursuing greatness. People ask me all the time "how do I know where to focus my energies to pursue greatness?" Well, the first step is brutal honesty.
Yesterday I had the privilege to dine with and listen to Sydney Lea, finalist for the Pulitzer Prize in poetry. Sydney has been nominated and won more prizes for his poetry than I could ever imagine. He came to speak at our bookstore in Asbury Park. Sydney is one of the most self-effacing individuals I've met. But it is not false humility but a brutal honesty that has propelled him to be one of America's best poets.
The most telling part of the evening occurred when someone asked Sydney "why poetry?" Most of Sydney's poems are story-like; snippets of lives, moments and interactions that lend themselves to narrative. Sydney's explanation was amazingly honest. He described his doctoral dissertation as "ponderous" and his attempts at regional stories as "possibly appearing condescending." Conversely his use of poetry allows him to explore the dynamic in a human interaction, capture the regional flair, and briefly convey the meaning. In other words, he is honest about what he CAN'T do. That allows him to focus his energies on what he does well and continue to write better and better.
From boardrooms, to offices, to cubicles; from recording studios, to concerts; from practice to the court or the course, too many of us fail to find our greatness because we refuse to honestly admit what we don't do well and stop doing it. Because if we admit and cease what we don't do well, we can focus on our possibility for greatness. So, be honest, be brutally honest. It might help you find your greatness.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
R.T.F.M.
Okay, I'm proud, stubborn and I'm a guy. I've got three strikes against me when it comes to moving toward greatness, because sometimes the ground I want to cover has already been trod and it makes sense to learn from those who have gone before. Nevertheless, good sense rarely impedes me from failing to leverage the experience of those who have gone before me.
Let's face it. I'm a guy who likes to do things himself. I like putting my stamp on everything I do. But this has a down side. Too often I struggle to learn how to do something relatively simple when I could be spending my time on something that would lead me closer to greatness.
Perhaps an example will help. Recently I had three occasions to attempt something new on our websites. Whether it was dropping a picture into a formatted article, enabling a link so people could follow our blog, or saving a blog I already started, these technological nuances took up a lot of time. UNTIL I read the directions. Yep. I wasted all that time because I just clicked and guessed at how to do these relatively simple procedures. Though they only became simple after I read the directions.
So many people have struggled to achieve or unleash their greatness that we would be foolish to ignore them. Their pathways provide an easier access to greatness than we can accomplish ourselves. However, at some point, if we truly aspire to greatness, we will have to forge our own path. I am just learning that perhaps I don't need to do it myself so early.
Throughout my life I have to be reminded time and time again to "read the frigging manual (R.T.F.M.)." I never thought it would assist my study of and movement toward greatness. But now it makes sense. Books like "Man's Search for Meaning," or poems like "The Road Not Taken," have provided me with food for thought that have inspired action. These are the "manuals" of those who have explored areas that attract me. So now I regularly read where others have gone before me and what they've accomplished. Eventually I know I will forge a path of my own, but for now, to make things a little easier I think I'll read the frigging manual.
So what are the "manuals" you have read, seen, or heard that have propelled you to attempt something new, believe in yourself more, or pursue your own greatness?
Let's face it. I'm a guy who likes to do things himself. I like putting my stamp on everything I do. But this has a down side. Too often I struggle to learn how to do something relatively simple when I could be spending my time on something that would lead me closer to greatness.
Perhaps an example will help. Recently I had three occasions to attempt something new on our websites. Whether it was dropping a picture into a formatted article, enabling a link so people could follow our blog, or saving a blog I already started, these technological nuances took up a lot of time. UNTIL I read the directions. Yep. I wasted all that time because I just clicked and guessed at how to do these relatively simple procedures. Though they only became simple after I read the directions.
So many people have struggled to achieve or unleash their greatness that we would be foolish to ignore them. Their pathways provide an easier access to greatness than we can accomplish ourselves. However, at some point, if we truly aspire to greatness, we will have to forge our own path. I am just learning that perhaps I don't need to do it myself so early.
Throughout my life I have to be reminded time and time again to "read the frigging manual (R.T.F.M.)." I never thought it would assist my study of and movement toward greatness. But now it makes sense. Books like "Man's Search for Meaning," or poems like "The Road Not Taken," have provided me with food for thought that have inspired action. These are the "manuals" of those who have explored areas that attract me. So now I regularly read where others have gone before me and what they've accomplished. Eventually I know I will forge a path of my own, but for now, to make things a little easier I think I'll read the frigging manual.
So what are the "manuals" you have read, seen, or heard that have propelled you to attempt something new, believe in yourself more, or pursue your own greatness?
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Mirror, mirror
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the greatest of them all? Probably none of us if we are looking in the mirror. Self-focus, even self-consciousness at key moments can inhibit attaining our best and letting our greatest gifts flow. It is important, in the middle of using our gifts and talents, not to be focused on what others might think of us, but only on the moment itself. Besides, there is new, fun research that indicates few people are looking at us anyway. This is bad news for the cosmetics industry, but good news for the rest of us.
Let's face it. When we learn a new skill, or take what we know to a whole new level some form of self-focus is necessary. We have to be aware of our body if we are practicing a new physical skill, or our mind if we are learning something new. However, once we have moved past practice we have to focus only on the task so we fully engage in the moment and bring out our best abilities. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D. is a world renowned expert in "flow." "Flow" is "the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter." (p.4, Flow). Recently I had the opportunity to hear him speak about flow. He emphasized how important it was to be totally in the moment to experience flow and unleash our abilities. Self-consciousness, he noted, was a major deterrent to flow experiences and in all of his studies no one was able to attain flow when they were self-conscious.
How do we move from focusing on ourselves to focusing only on what we are doing? We need to move from the societal concept that everyone is looking at us. A recent study indicates that even when we do something that really makes us stand out, for example, making an entire room wait 10 minutes for us to show up, when interviewed afterward, only 20% of the group will remember anything about us. The other 80% are probably worried about how they are being perceived.
The key to moments of greatness is to remove the over-abundance of mirrors in our lives and set aside our worries of what others will think. By doing so we unleash the best of our abilities in that moment and move toward our greatness. Besides, in the fairytale, the mirror on the wall was really lying.
Let's face it. When we learn a new skill, or take what we know to a whole new level some form of self-focus is necessary. We have to be aware of our body if we are practicing a new physical skill, or our mind if we are learning something new. However, once we have moved past practice we have to focus only on the task so we fully engage in the moment and bring out our best abilities. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D. is a world renowned expert in "flow." "Flow" is "the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter." (p.4, Flow). Recently I had the opportunity to hear him speak about flow. He emphasized how important it was to be totally in the moment to experience flow and unleash our abilities. Self-consciousness, he noted, was a major deterrent to flow experiences and in all of his studies no one was able to attain flow when they were self-conscious.
How do we move from focusing on ourselves to focusing only on what we are doing? We need to move from the societal concept that everyone is looking at us. A recent study indicates that even when we do something that really makes us stand out, for example, making an entire room wait 10 minutes for us to show up, when interviewed afterward, only 20% of the group will remember anything about us. The other 80% are probably worried about how they are being perceived.
The key to moments of greatness is to remove the over-abundance of mirrors in our lives and set aside our worries of what others will think. By doing so we unleash the best of our abilities in that moment and move toward our greatness. Besides, in the fairytale, the mirror on the wall was really lying.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Toll House Greatness?
Walk into the Toll House hotel in Los Gatos, California and you feel like you are home. The atmosphere is warm and welcoming. It is plush without being ostentatious. Yet more than the appointments what creates the warm feeling is the staff. Without being unctuous they solicit how you are doing and respond in a very warm and comfortable way. More impressive is the energy of the staff. They approach everything with amazing vibrancy from checking customers in to carrying baggage to welcoming and serving in the restaurant. And they interact with each other in the same energized way.
Each day we have an opportunity to engage with any number of people. How are we engaging? Energy and vibrancy are more of a choice than a physical state. So many of my daily encounters are with people devoid of energy and vibrancy and more akin to boredom. And, after encountering the staff at the Toll House, I challenge myself to approach my day with that powerful energy.
Let's face it. Facing a day with positive energy and vibrancy is a choice. What do you choose?
Each day we have an opportunity to engage with any number of people. How are we engaging? Energy and vibrancy are more of a choice than a physical state. So many of my daily encounters are with people devoid of energy and vibrancy and more akin to boredom. And, after encountering the staff at the Toll House, I challenge myself to approach my day with that powerful energy.
Let's face it. Facing a day with positive energy and vibrancy is a choice. What do you choose?
Friday, August 28, 2009
So You Think You Can Multitask?
The idea that anyone can multitask effectively is one of the biggest lies foisted on American individuals and commerce. In the name of multitasking we forgo the sacred moments of intimacy, the joy of singular devotion to a project, and the uncluttered creativity of thinking. Efficiency becomes the new god in this mindset and all else falls under its dictatorial rule.
But aren't we being more efficient by multitasking? Not so fast.
A new study from the researchers at Stanford University confirms what many of us, who have been ignored by someone multitasking, already know; multitaskers, far from being efficient, are just multiplying the tasks they are doing badly. They are not completing any task or conversation to the best of their ability and multitasking makes them worse.
What Clifford Nass and other researchers discovered were three challenges that heavy multitaskers share. People who do a significant amount of multitasking can't seem to ignore irrelevant data to focus on what is important. They are more distracted than others. Surprisingly they also have a poorer ability to take in and organize information. Finally they had more of a difficulty switching from one task to another.
Of course the argument is that younger and younger generations are growing up multitasking and so they will be better at it. Again that is false. The research studied young men and women who use various electronic means simultaneously and have grown up with it.
Perhaps all of us need to push back on the notion that any individual can do two separate cognitive activities equally as well. And as we move toward greatness, we need to give ourselves the opportunities to savor and revel in sacred moments of intimacy, the joy of singular devotion to a project, and the uncluttered creativity of thinking.
But aren't we being more efficient by multitasking? Not so fast.
A new study from the researchers at Stanford University confirms what many of us, who have been ignored by someone multitasking, already know; multitaskers, far from being efficient, are just multiplying the tasks they are doing badly. They are not completing any task or conversation to the best of their ability and multitasking makes them worse.
What Clifford Nass and other researchers discovered were three challenges that heavy multitaskers share. People who do a significant amount of multitasking can't seem to ignore irrelevant data to focus on what is important. They are more distracted than others. Surprisingly they also have a poorer ability to take in and organize information. Finally they had more of a difficulty switching from one task to another.
Of course the argument is that younger and younger generations are growing up multitasking and so they will be better at it. Again that is false. The research studied young men and women who use various electronic means simultaneously and have grown up with it.
Perhaps all of us need to push back on the notion that any individual can do two separate cognitive activities equally as well. And as we move toward greatness, we need to give ourselves the opportunities to savor and revel in sacred moments of intimacy, the joy of singular devotion to a project, and the uncluttered creativity of thinking.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Walk Like A Winner
Are you sitting up straight? Are you standing erect? Sounds like some of the questions we were asked as children. Sometimes it was a command rather than a question. Yet over the past week I've found myself more aware than ever of my posture especially when things are difficult.
What started my consciousness was watching the PGA last week. I watched as Tiger Woods lost the lead and was walking down the center of one of the fairways. Even the commentator mentioned the confident way he held himself. You couldn't tell that he was losing. As a matter of fact you would have sworn that he was winning. What's with that?
Dr. Jim Loehr studied athletes winning and losing. He compared their posture and body language and discovered something different about the best. Those who were on the top of their sport comported themselves exactly the same whether they were winning or losing. They always walked like winners. What Dr. Loehr discovered is that our posture speaks volumes not only to others but to our own psyche as to our impending success or failure.
So, be honest. Do you walk like you are winning, or is your head always bowed? Pick your head up, walk like you are winning and watch the difference it will make in how you feel.
What started my consciousness was watching the PGA last week. I watched as Tiger Woods lost the lead and was walking down the center of one of the fairways. Even the commentator mentioned the confident way he held himself. You couldn't tell that he was losing. As a matter of fact you would have sworn that he was winning. What's with that?
Dr. Jim Loehr studied athletes winning and losing. He compared their posture and body language and discovered something different about the best. Those who were on the top of their sport comported themselves exactly the same whether they were winning or losing. They always walked like winners. What Dr. Loehr discovered is that our posture speaks volumes not only to others but to our own psyche as to our impending success or failure.
So, be honest. Do you walk like you are winning, or is your head always bowed? Pick your head up, walk like you are winning and watch the difference it will make in how you feel.
Friday, August 7, 2009
A Grain of Salt
I write this flying back from Florida where I spoke at a leadership conference about focusing on strengths rather than on weaknesses to drive greater growth and success. The audience of 175 leaders interacted with me and each other, asking questions that only deepened their understanding. They laughed at the right spots, even applauded at a few and were vocally appreciative as they came up to me at the end of the almost four hour session. So what's bothering me? I want to know who, if any, will change their leadership style and why.
Change is not that easy. Listening to information, no matter how compelling, rarely engenders the motivation to change our behavior. Even if everyone in that room was convinced that this leadership style would help them dramatically (and I'm not that naïve) most will only retain a rapidly fading memory of our time together and will most likely forget me and the session in three days. But what about the precious few who, believing in the efficacy of a strengths-focused leadership model, read a little more, create some goals and start adopting new behaviors? What makes them different?
I'd like to offer a theory. These individuals are able to either lower the defense mechanisms we all put in place to defend our egos, or momentarily put their egos aside. Look at little children. They are sponges for learning. With little to defend they absorb everything around them. As we grow, we learn to defend what we've accepted as real and our openness to new ideas closes up until some of us get to the point when we stop learning.
Of course being totally open to new ideas creates other challenges. We might end up believing in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or the tooth fairy. So, we do have to examine new ideas with a grain of salt. That being said, many of us use so much salt evaluating new ideas it is a wonder we don't die of sodium poisoning.
So what's the strategy? I don't know. If it were easy the world would be changing at a momentous pace because we'd all know how to identify and adopt new, helpful ideas and behaviors. I've found one strategy that works for me. When I learn a new idea or strategy that might help me develop as a speaker, leader, writer (I need lots of development) I don't tell anyone at first. I need time to analyze what I've heard, to sift through it and use my own grain of salt. That way, if I like and adopt the ideas, I'm more prepared to offer them to others in a cohesive way before they can bring on their shakers of salt.
175 leaders heard some new ideas this morning, ideas that could change their life or leadership for the better. How many will change? We will never know. But what about you and me? New thoughts, new ideas, new behaviors; what keeps you from embracing them and changing your life?
Change is not that easy. Listening to information, no matter how compelling, rarely engenders the motivation to change our behavior. Even if everyone in that room was convinced that this leadership style would help them dramatically (and I'm not that naïve) most will only retain a rapidly fading memory of our time together and will most likely forget me and the session in three days. But what about the precious few who, believing in the efficacy of a strengths-focused leadership model, read a little more, create some goals and start adopting new behaviors? What makes them different?
I'd like to offer a theory. These individuals are able to either lower the defense mechanisms we all put in place to defend our egos, or momentarily put their egos aside. Look at little children. They are sponges for learning. With little to defend they absorb everything around them. As we grow, we learn to defend what we've accepted as real and our openness to new ideas closes up until some of us get to the point when we stop learning.
Of course being totally open to new ideas creates other challenges. We might end up believing in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or the tooth fairy. So, we do have to examine new ideas with a grain of salt. That being said, many of us use so much salt evaluating new ideas it is a wonder we don't die of sodium poisoning.
So what's the strategy? I don't know. If it were easy the world would be changing at a momentous pace because we'd all know how to identify and adopt new, helpful ideas and behaviors. I've found one strategy that works for me. When I learn a new idea or strategy that might help me develop as a speaker, leader, writer (I need lots of development) I don't tell anyone at first. I need time to analyze what I've heard, to sift through it and use my own grain of salt. That way, if I like and adopt the ideas, I'm more prepared to offer them to others in a cohesive way before they can bring on their shakers of salt.
175 leaders heard some new ideas this morning, ideas that could change their life or leadership for the better. How many will change? We will never know. But what about you and me? New thoughts, new ideas, new behaviors; what keeps you from embracing them and changing your life?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)