Have You Experienced Achievement Post-Partum Blues?

Okay, I've never had a baby. I'm not physically made that way. And I don't have any children, so I've not experienced the waiting and birthing process. Yet, I wonder if I'm not experiencing some kind of post-partum blues. Of course I'm not comparing the experiences because I'm sure the emotions of having a child are massive. Yet have you ever worked very hard at something, brought it to completion and after the celebration of completing it, felt a let down? Yep, that's what I'm talking about.

Recently I finished a chapter for a book that is much more academic and psychological than I usually write. It was intense over the year doing the research and the months and months of writing up until the time I finished it. Then last week I pressed the send button on my computer and it was all over. Of course I felt the brief time of euphoria, but just as quickly I found that I couldn't write anything for a week (hence no blog). I'm finally getting back to a sense of normalcy.

As I study greatness, I believe I've seen similar things. When any of us prepare diligently for a significant period of time, putting in vast amounts of energy, we experience a let down when it is done. I'm speculating on what happens, but I believe the energy and emotions to complete something big (a degree, a book, a deck), put us in a different space. Pushing ourselves in new directions, or having the discipline to move toward completion of a project is almost like a high. When it's over we come down.

I'm learning two things from this experience. The first is that I have to give myself the time to experience the post-partum. There is a natural ebb and flow in life that makes the highs worth it. When we complete something, we come down off the high and it feels very different. Typically in the past I would immediately engage in something else and deny myself the time to realize what I had done. We need to give ourselves time to savor our achievements even when it gives us an emotional let down. Yet the second thing I've learned from this experience is that by letting myself experience and live through the post-partum I am now excited and ready to engage in something brand new with more energy than before.

So when you finish something you've diligently striven for and you finally put it to bed know two things. You will probably experience a period of feeling emotionally down. Live with it, because is really instructive about how much work you've put into something. And then be ready to experience renewed energy. It will come and you can re-engage fully.

Positiveness Needs a Warning Label

This past Friday I was speaking to a room of approximately 70 financial service professionals about achieving their personal greatness. I told them that the workshop should have a warning label posted on it. I cautioned that if they were more positive, energetic and passionate about their work and life, some people would not like them. Some were surprised at my warning, but most of them agreed. We live in a society that speaks about positiveness, energy and passion quite a bit, but people who have those characteristics often don't seem normal to others.

I have been told in the past that I was "out of touch," "not real," and "too positive." My first reaction to these statements was just to ignore them and dismiss the speakers as negative. However when I heard those comments from different people at different times I started to listen. What I realized was they were telling me how I was being perceived.

People saw me as a high energy, always positive and upbeat person who (they thought) couldn't see the challenges and difficulties of life and work. They experienced me as moving through life in this positive bubble while others struggled, got depressed and became angry. What they never saw or heard was my experience of the negative emotions of life.

There was a brief period that I forced myself to be less positive, less upbeat, less optimistic. I wanted people to see me as "real." But I wasn't being real to myself and I wasn't being fair to others because I was fake.

I've finally learned that I have to meet people where they are. No, that doesn't mean that I will get negative and depressed. It does mean that I have to listen and communicate that I understand their emotions rather than responding with positive affirmations and cheery outlooks.

The most difficult part for me is not trying to "fix" the person or the problem. I want to help everyone feel better about themselves and their lives and I'm finally learning that some people need to stay with negative feelings for a while before they can move on. I can't judge that, I just accept them as they are.

I'm still working on this, but I'm learning to listen carefully to people's challenges and emotions. Now I communicate what I'm hearing from them and empathize with what they say. If they want help, I will try to help them, but if they want to stay in that emotional space for a while I will let them. But when I walk away, I am as positive and upbeat as ever. I don't need to take on their emotion and negativity.

Being positive, energetic and optimistic is wonderful. But it can drive others crazy. When you encounter negativity or challenging emotions from others, listen carefully, respond with compassion and help them only if they ask for help. Meet them at their emotional level. This helps others know you are real. Later you can be your positive, energetic self. Just realize that even if you follow this strategy, there will still be people who will not think you are in touch with reality and that's why positiveness needs a warning label.

What is Your Sweat Point?

Okay, I'll admit it. I sweat when I write. Well, maybe not all the time, but most of the time. Why? No, my room is not a sauna. Usually it's on the cool side. Actually it's because when I have a good idea and get lost in my writing my energy level rises in the excitement. I call it my "sweat point."

What do you do that gets you excited during the day? It might be cooking, painting, creating a new website. But think about it? When does your entire being respond to what you are doing? You can feel the energy rise. Your breathing changes. Your heart responds.

I'm not talking about anxiety. We all know what that feels like. That is when the body overreacts to whatever we are doing or more realistically we overreact to what we are thinking. Yep, we really sweat then, but we also hyperventilate, and our bodies react in their fight or flight mode. Usually it happens when we are in over our head on something we are doing.

What I'm writing about are those moments when you are doing something you love and you lose yourself in it. It has been defined as "flow;" when your capability measures up to the challenge of the task. But flow is an amorphous concept. I've often wondered how I know I'm getting into flow. What are the ways I can tell?

For me, as I enter a moment of flow, my body responds to the excitement. I'm focused on the task at hand and I'm lost in it. The world fades. Of course there is the additional energy that I want to do the task well, so my energy level gets even higher. That's when I hit my sweat point. And I know I'm doing something that challenges my capabilities and pushes me farther than before.

What excites you? (wow, that doesn't sound right) What gets your energy going during the day? I've found that for many of us it's initially difficult to define those moments. But today, be aware of your body. Watch for those moments when the energy rises and you believe your abilities are up to the challenge. You will hit your sweat point. Why is this so important?

We all want to be engaged and energize in what we do, but most of us aren't aware what triggers that. Watch for your sweat point because you will start finding those things that engage and captivate you. Once you know what activities create flow you can steer your day toward those moments more and more.

As for me, I'm sweating now. Every morning I get to start my day with something that triggers my sweat point. I can't think of a better way to start my day.

Spring Awakening

Yesterday was beautiful in New Jersey. Though there were strong winds, the smell of spring spiraled through the air, the daffodils pushed up through the soil and the sun was strong. It's early for Spring, but it is always welcome. As I saw the world coming to life again, I reflected on moments of new growth for all of us.

As I travel and work around the world I'm struck that many adults seem to be just going through the motions. There is little evidence of life and energy left in us. Walking through the major cities in the world most adults walk with their heads down, eyes on the pavement, seemingly lost on some serious intent, but looking bored or angry. And yet there are those who catch my eye with their energy, smile and passion. They draw me like a bee to honey. Why are they so energetic?

All of us have times of exhaustion when we move from day to day in a fog just getting through. Yet for some it's become a lifestyle for many of us. I find myself occasionally sinking into the tepidness of routine, but I'm enamoured by those who have so much energy. What I'm learning is that they have found what they love to do, they do it with passion and they are so in love with their life they are not afraid to express their passion.

These individuals who exude all of this energy don't seem to run out. Energy grows even as they display it in all they do. And it's not just extroverted people who do this. Even introverts who love what they do glow with an inner radiance. So, if like me you find yourself not being the energetic person you want to be, just reexamine your life. Find something you love to do. Whether it is part of your work, your personal life, your art, awaken yourself to passion and joy. You will be amazed what transformation takes place in all of the other areas in your life. Additionally, you will surprise those around you also. Now is the time for a spring awakening.

Toll House Greatness?

Walk into the Toll House hotel in Los Gatos, California and you feel like you are home. The atmosphere is warm and welcoming. It is plush without being ostentatious. Yet more than the appointments what creates the warm feeling is the staff. Without being unctuous they solicit how you are doing and respond in a very warm and comfortable way. More impressive is the energy of the staff. They approach everything with amazing vibrancy from checking customers in to carrying baggage to welcoming and serving in the restaurant. And they interact with each other in the same energized way.

Each day we have an opportunity to engage with any number of people. How are we engaging? Energy and vibrancy are more of a choice than a physical state. So many of my daily encounters are with people devoid of energy and vibrancy and more akin to boredom. And, after encountering the staff at the Toll House, I challenge myself to approach my day with that powerful energy.

Let's face it. Facing a day with positive energy and vibrancy is a choice. What do you choose?