Risk Being "Un-liked"

You may have noticed that I took a little time off from my blogging. Or, you may not have noticed at all. Actually I took time off from all of it; the writing, speaking, and pushing people to move toward unleashing their personal greatness. I was done. Or so I told myself. I'm really good at talking myself in and out of things. This time it worked. I talked myself out of doing what I love to do. And to be honest it wasn't that hard because I convinced myself that no one cared.

Now before you go thinking this is a pity party, it isn't. I'm quite capable of throwing my own party complete with streamers and balloons. And I'm content to enjoy the party by myself; it makes the pity that much easier. No, this is about an important realization for me and I hope for some of you.

What is it that you believe in enough to keep doing when no one is there? What are you so passionate about that when others walk away, you will keep doing it? That is possibly where you will find your personal greatness.

Over the past couple of months, after I stopped writing, I found I couldn't stop thinking about personal greatness. Even though I'd convinced myself that no one cared and it was ridiculous to waste my time on this. I thought I'd move on to other things only to find myself thinking about, reading about and talking about unleashing greatness.

Examining individuals who succeed in almost any field, they willingly pursue what is important to them even when no one else cares, no one is looking and no one is cheering them on. They can't stop. There is almost an irrational drive to pursue something. And this is what sets them apart.

We live in a world of "likes," "followers," and "friends" where we easily judge our work and our lives on how people respond to them. It is tempting to follow the voices. Yet, when you willingly toil on your own; when you believe it something so much that you risk the "un-like" of your friends and acquaintances  you just may have found what you are meant to bring to this world.

The "Magic Wand" of Motivation

The CEO asked us a third time "So, how do we teach my leaders to motivate others?" That he returned to the question after we explained our process twice was not a good sign. So we probed a bit more. Eventually he admitted he wanted a sure-fire, easy way to motivate others to work harder than they had ever before, and he wanted it in simple sound bites that his managers could dole out to the employees. Taking a deep breath I told him "I don't think you can motivate anyone to do anything, especially adults." He looked at me like I had just kicked his dog. "This is going to be interesting" I thought to myself. And the meeting went on from there.

That CEO and others believe that with the right technique you can get people to climb mountains. I think they are wrong. I don't believe you can motivate anyone. People motivate themselves when given the proper tools and platform. For years I've studied the techniques and processes of "great motivators" but in the end I discovered that they don't really change us; we change ourselves. Once the pieces are in place people can motivate themselves to do almost anything, but no one can compel them if they don't buy in. So here are just a few of the important pieces I've learned that help me motivate myself. Perhaps you have more that help you. It is important to remember that this is about motivation, not grit or perseverance.

1. A goal you believe in. Too often we attempt to do things that are not really a goal we embrace. They are goals foisted on us by someone else. Can we accomplish them? Probably with enough sweat, but we won't be motivated to complete them for the sake of the goal. We might be motivated out of a sense of pride, but that comes later. The primary building block for motivation is that we have to believe in and want the goal for ourselves, not for someone else.
   
2. The right stuff. Once the goal is in place we have to question whether we have the skills and ability to attain the goal, or can we learn them. A goal without the skills to get there is just a pipe dream, (like my goal of playing in the NBA) but if we can learn the skills we can attain the goal.
   
3. A plan. I've found that having an idea of the steps necessary to achieve the goal is important. Not that everything has to be laid out perfectly. Part of motivation is flexibility in the face of obstacles. But have an overview of how you want to attain your goal. It helps focus your energy.
   
4. A team. When there are others around you who support your goal it can be the most motivating experience in the world. Nothing is better than friends, family or colleagues to cheer you on. And it doesn't hurt to have people hold you accountable. When others know about your goal, having to answer to them can be quite motivational.
   
5. Celebrate the victories. All along the way, celebrate. When you finish a chapter in your novel, a new painting, a new distance in your running, any new step that you achieve - celebrate it. That is what keeps you going when things get tougher. 

These are just a few of the ideas  that keep me going when I'm trying to achieve something. Perhaps you have more. But I know that words from a great speaker, or ideas in a great  book don't get me going... I do. I'm the one who motivates me out of bed in the morning and on to the tasks at hand. So, what are you motivated to do?

Intensity Versus Consistency: What Wins?

At least one day a week, maybe two, a friend of mine goes to the gym and really works hard. I mean he goes all out in a spinning class, lifting or some other form of exercise. Yet he can't seem to understand why his shape does  not improve. I'm no fitness guru, but I've learned that consistency is more important than intensity for good  health. Though I've shared that nugget of info with him he still believes he can maintain his health on two intensive days a week. But there is a larger application of this pearl of wisdom and that is to any area of our own personal achievement or personal greatness.

Aristotle once said (or it was attributed to him) that "excellence is not an act, it is a habit." Whether or not Aristotle said this there is extreme wisdom in it. Whether applied to an Olympic athlete, a great musician, artist, or a good person, there is not one moment that defines them. They are defined by all of the struggle, work, sweat and consistency leading up to their own excellence.

People tell me all the time about the books they want to write, the trips they want to take, the goals they've set that they want to achieve and yet time goes by and nothing is done. The key is consistency. Do a little each day and your goal will be accomplished. Too many of us cringe at the daunting goal that we hope to achieve one day. Yet, it is the little goals, accomplished every day that lead to personal greatness.

So, what is your goal, or something on your "bucket list" that you hope to accomplish? What have you done about it today? That is the key. Then take time every day to add to what you are doing. Eventually you will  examine your goal and realize that you've attained it.

Examining my life, the only way I've accomplished anything is to consistently pursue it. If I waited for the right moment, or when I was "inspired" or when everything came together I'd get nothing done. Consistency is much more important than intensity.

Yoga and Personal Greatness: It's Not a Stretch

Some friends came to visit over the weekend. At one point they encouraged us to do yoga with them led by some guru on a DVD. It was brutal. First of all, some of the moves I couldn't come close to performing (you want me to put that leg where?). Second I realized how very inflexible I am (see leg). However what struck me was the encouragement of the couple who told me not to be discouraged, that the body responded very quickly to the yoga moves. They told me it is like the muscle memory from any sport and that once the body knows it can do the movement it is much easier. I hope so. But my reflection on flexibility stretched a little further.

Individuals who achieve personal greatness have a powerful sense of who they are and where they are going. They set very high goals and are relentless in pursuing those goals. But it is a mistake to believe that they are rigid in either their thought process, or their path to their goals. It is this characteristic of flexibility which allows them to continue pursuing goals when others have given up.

For me, and I suspect many others, it's easy to fall into the trap of believing I know most of the ways to do things, or how things work. I have strong mental models that corral me into thinking certain ways, or coming to the same conclusion over and over. And it's this inflexibility that inhibits creativity and innovation. Recently I was attempting to remove a light bulb that had broken, leaving the metal casing still in the socket. I was trying to use a pair of pliers, but the twisting was just making a mess of the remainder of the light bulb. A friend who was watching me grow more frustrated asked if I had an old potato. He pushed the potato into the broken bulb and twisted out the remains of the bulb. A potato? Really? But if the goal was just to get the bulb out, why did I resist using something other than pliers? It wasn't my mental model.

So I'm trying to look at challenges differently. Rather than thinking in a linear fashion, i.e., if this is a nail I have to use a hammer, I try looking at the whole problem i.e., I'm trying to attach something to the wall. It opens up other possibilities and answers. The second thing I'm learning to do is slow down my thinking. If I think quickly I tend to come up with the same solutions because they are easy and I fall into routines. However if I take a little more time to think about the challenge and about my immediate reaction I can hold my first answer aside and see if I can come up with something else.

One additional thought about individuals who achieve personal greatness and their flexibility. What, on the outside, looks like a demonic rigor to pursuing a path, on closer inspection reveals that the end goal might be set, but the path to get there is open to flexibility and change all along the way. This is how they succeed. Where others might stop because they can't get traditional funding, these individuals figure out new ways to gain funding for their ideas. When others fail because a part is not available these individuals figure out how to create their product without the part, or with a different part. The key is that they have the end goal in mind, but realize that the road there might not be a straight line.

Physically we need flexibility to flourish and thrive, especially as we age. Yet also mentally we need to understand where we are not flexible in our thinking and stretch ourselves. Who knows? We might find a different and better way to do something we've done for years. It just requires a little flexibility. As for me, I'm not ready to buy a yoga mat, but I might try some of those stretches again.

What is Your Sweat Point?

Okay, I'll admit it. I sweat when I write. Well, maybe not all the time, but most of the time. Why? No, my room is not a sauna. Usually it's on the cool side. Actually it's because when I have a good idea and get lost in my writing my energy level rises in the excitement. I call it my "sweat point."

What do you do that gets you excited during the day? It might be cooking, painting, creating a new website. But think about it? When does your entire being respond to what you are doing? You can feel the energy rise. Your breathing changes. Your heart responds.

I'm not talking about anxiety. We all know what that feels like. That is when the body overreacts to whatever we are doing or more realistically we overreact to what we are thinking. Yep, we really sweat then, but we also hyperventilate, and our bodies react in their fight or flight mode. Usually it happens when we are in over our head on something we are doing.

What I'm writing about are those moments when you are doing something you love and you lose yourself in it. It has been defined as "flow;" when your capability measures up to the challenge of the task. But flow is an amorphous concept. I've often wondered how I know I'm getting into flow. What are the ways I can tell?

For me, as I enter a moment of flow, my body responds to the excitement. I'm focused on the task at hand and I'm lost in it. The world fades. Of course there is the additional energy that I want to do the task well, so my energy level gets even higher. That's when I hit my sweat point. And I know I'm doing something that challenges my capabilities and pushes me farther than before.

What excites you? (wow, that doesn't sound right) What gets your energy going during the day? I've found that for many of us it's initially difficult to define those moments. But today, be aware of your body. Watch for those moments when the energy rises and you believe your abilities are up to the challenge. You will hit your sweat point. Why is this so important?

We all want to be engaged and energize in what we do, but most of us aren't aware what triggers that. Watch for your sweat point because you will start finding those things that engage and captivate you. Once you know what activities create flow you can steer your day toward those moments more and more.

As for me, I'm sweating now. Every morning I get to start my day with something that triggers my sweat point. I can't think of a better way to start my day.

Stop Waiting: Launch and Learn

Recently I've noticed an interesting phenomenon that occurs when a group of people are gathered waiting for something such as an airplane, subway, elevator, etc. If someone pulls out their blackberry, phone, or iphone, other people do also. Though I've no research to cite, it seems that people just want to show others that they are important and busy. Instead of just waiting, they seem to want to show that they have people to call, emails to read and texts to send. Many of them, if you look closely are just playing games. Yet the important part of all these actions are to "look busy."

However the reality for many people is that though they are busy "looking busy" they are actually waiting for something to occur. When I ask people what hinders them from pursuing dreams, living fully, having enriching relationships, most of the time the answers involve waiting for something to occur or someone to do something. They give me very valid reasons that they will start something, but they are waiting "until I have time," "when I have more money," "when the kids are out of school," "when the kids are in school" and the list goes on and on. I also catch myself waiting for the "right time" to launch new ventures. But what are we really waiting for?

Though I believe in being prepared, I personally know that sometimes waiting is my excuse not to start. I rationalize what I need to begin a project, for example, and then wait until whatever I need magically appears. Sometimes the waiting has taken years. It's time to be honest with ourselves.

Successful individuals who have vibrant, exciting lives are not waiting for others to make life exciting. They choose to do so. Individuals who start new ventures, or personal projects and succeed often do it in the face of small resources, lack of support and little time, yet they succeed anyway. Perhaps we are waiting for the right time because we want it to be perfect. It won't be! Perfect doesn't exist. So with any venture the key is "launch and learn" i.e., start something and learn as you go.

Waiting is the perfect excuse, even when we claim we are too busy. But what are we really waiting for? It will never be the perfect time, perfect person, perfect idea. Launch into it and learn as you go. There is really nothing more exciting than to be in the middle of doing something you enjoy. And you can really have something to do rather than stand around fingering your mobile device.

Trade Your Bucket List for a Treasure Chest

Let's face it, we are a society that likes everything quick. We pile up at drive-thru windows when it might be faster to get out of the car and go inside. We bemoan slow internet speeds and want the newer devices so they download fast. We even have that really annoying commercial castigating us because our information "was so 42 seconds ago." So is the concept of waiting and working for something really dead or can we still take time to accomplish something great?

An article in the New York Times a few weeks ago unveiled the reality of kids publishing their books at 10 years old or younger. Bankrolled by their parents, they printed copies of their doodles, dreams, and dramas and sold them to any willing family member or friend. Yet one line in the article questioned the long-lasting results of this instant achievement. If you publish your first book at 10, where do you go from there?

There is a characteristic that is very common among individuals who achieve great things and succeed where others fail. It is called "grit." Researched by Angela Duckworth at the University of Pennsylvania and others, this characteristic is predictive of success in academics, work and life. Boiled down, grit means that you have the perserverance and the energy to keep working to achieve something rather than settle for something fast and easy.

I am curious if grit can be developed at a later age. For those of us who had few struggles early in life and usually got what we wanted, can we develop this characteristic now? The answer will be "no" if we continue to short-cut projects, demand results immediately or live continuously in an instant world. The discipline of working toward something is rich and rewarding, full of emotional highs and feelings of success, and it takes time.

Perhaps one of the ways we can move toward mastering this discipline is to think a little differently. I hear so many people talk about a "bucket list" of things they want to accomplish in their life. But you can only fit small, quick things in bucket. Perhaps we need to have a "treasure chest" since you can fit bigger things in a chest. This treasure chest would hold the desires of accomplishments that would enrich our lives, but take some time to achieve, like writing a book, creating a symphony, starting a fund, or learning an instrument.

Rather than just checking something off our list, treasure chest goals can build self-efficacy as we strive for them, engagement as we pursue them, and enrichment as we achieve them. They take time, but we will be better for it and perhaps we can really develop our grit.

Be Like Michelangelo

As little children we are allowed to indulge our fantasies. We "play" astronaut, lawyer, doctor, businessperson, actor and try on various occupations at our whim. We dream of accepting the Nobel Prize for peace, or literature and believe we can make a difference in the world. Even to a certain point, adults indulge us and ask, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" and then they usually smile at our innocence. Then reality hits. We somehow learn to believe we are much like other children, not special and without extraordinary talents or abilities. School and interaction with our peers reinforces the sad result of standing out or being different, so many of us learn to blend in with the crowd. Imagine the gifts and talents that are lost or underused.


Michelangelo once said "the greater danger for most us of lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short, but in setting our aim to low and achieving our mark." Perhaps the challenge is that we worry about the falling short, or the failure. Yet in reality our lives are richer when we strive for difficult achievements whether they are personal changes or to help others. Each day becomes valuable for as much as we can move toward something larger than ourselves. So it does not benefit us to "settle" but rather to have fun seeing what we are capable of doing. 


Admittedly, it's easier to "settle" and just get through life. Still it pales in comparison to lives lived in pursuit of a loftier goal. That goal might not include the Nobel Prize, but it could mean being the best parent, boss, co-worker that we are capable of being. We might set a goal to write a novel, or book of poetry or to speak in front of a group of people. Perhaps we might win the Pulitzer Prize, or not. Does it matter? No, even the striving will enrich our lives. 


The choice of how we live and experience our lives is up to us. There is no one else around to ask, "what do  you want to be when you grow up?" So, look into the mirror and ask yourself that question, then set your sights high. The journey is worth it.

China: What Can We Learn From Them?

My recent trip to Beijing confirmed what I learned on my first trip last year. China is a country in search of a vision. She doesn't really know what she wants to be. My driver took me on unplanned routes past new empty factories and housing developments.  They were built to emphasize the new growth of China, but are not yet affordable to the people. He took me past the national museum with the brand new statue of Confucius outside and said that the government was reintroducing Confucius because communism was failing. Capitalism has been introduced, but regulated unevenly; at times with a heavy hand and other times the government looks away. China has built brand new internal airports only to have them sit empty and still they intend to build the largest airport in the world in Beijing. Where are they going? What are they trying to be?

Mao's Mausoleum

There is no doubt of the growth in China. They are moving at a very rapid pace toward new technologies and innovative ideas. Their new architecture is amazing by any city's standards. But once you look past the surface, the growth is uneven and haphazard. This is a country in search of a vision; they don't know who they want to be.

Individual, organizational and national growth depend on a few characteristics; the freedom to grow, innovative ideas, resources to develop those ideas, and a clear direction. China has all but the last characteristic. Their history illuminates the development from fiefdoms, to a powerful imperial dynasty, then a strong communist state, and now, well, not really anything.

Any of us can learn from their challenges. I've met with countless individuals who had the freedom, ideas, and resources to be amazing at whatever they chose. The challenge was that they never chose. I've struggled with that same challenge. When there are so many avenues to choose to try new things, it's difficult to pick one because you worry you will chose incorrectly, or leave a good road behind.

However the poison of indecision is far more insidious than we realize. Trapped in not choosing a direction, we wallow in perpetual mediocrity, or occasion triumphs only to sink back into uncertainty. To achieve our best, we need a direction.

Sometimes, for me, it is as simple as picking a direction I really believe I want my life to move and taking a few steps. I've learned that sometimes it becomes very clear, very quickly that it is the wrong direction and I can retrace my steps and head another way. But I've clarified my direction and eliminated a road for the future. That is worth the attempt. Sometimes I choose well and it feels like everything clicks into place as I move toward my vision.

Ask yourself: what's my vision for myself, or for my organization or family? Is it clear to me? Is it clear to others? Once you have identified your vision strive for it with everything you have because all your energies will be focused in the same direction and you will more likely succeed.

Greatness is Like Going To The Dentist?

Okay, I spent this morning at the dentist. Nothing bad, just a cleaning and checkup that I'd put off for a little over a year. Gratefully, the results were good and there is nothing out of the ordinary, so I'm off the hook for at least 6 months. But while in the dentist chair I was thinking about some shocking statistics I heard recently. Apparently the number of cavities, root canals, even crowns and dental surgery has skyrocketed in the past year. What was most shocking was that it is occuring to young children. The researchers traced one of the causes back to lack of desire on parents part to subject their children to regular brushing because "the children didn't like doing it." Though I'm not a parent, I'm concerned.

Growing up many of us learned the lessons of perseverence because we were encouraged to work for something if we really wanted it. We learned to be happy with the struggle because at the end of it, we would be rewarded with the prize we worked so hard to achieve. Whether it was purchasing a guitar, making a spot on a team, studying to make the honor roll, we embraced the concept that hard work paid off. Psychologists call it "delayed gratification" or if you look at in in terms of perseverence, they call it "grit." Sadly we are quickly becoming a society where happiness and wellbeing is so highly prized at every moment that there is little attention paid to the necessity of long, hard struggle to achieve something worthwhile. Or, ideally, to enjoy the struggle because it means that in the end, you will succeed.

Over the 12 years spent studying personal greatness, I'm always impressed with the fortitude of those who continue practicing, striving, fighting to attain something they really want, and I'm fearful we are creating a society where that characteristic will be a rareity. Recently I'm started setting tough goals for myself once again and going after them. Why? Because I've realized how much I've been seduced into selecting happiness in the moment rather than struggling for something really worthwhile.

Think about it for yourself. What are you striving for that might take time, sweat, and maybe tears, but you will be grateful when you've done it? That one goal might change your life or just the process will make you a healthier, happier person. Going to the dentist is not fun, but I'm healthier for it and probably in the long run I will be happier.

Time to Stop Making New Year's Resolutions

Maybe I’m wrong. Okay, that’s not easy for me to admit. But for years I’ve been badgering people to create specific, short term goals to carry them to success especially at the New Year. Why? Because that’s what I do; that’s what works for me. Reading the research I’ve helped individuals create goals have been driven from what they wanted (intrinsic) and not what others wanted for them (extrinsic). I’ve helped them create benchmarks along the way to celebrate success and see that they are achieving their goals. And yes, some of them achieve their goals… only about 10 percent.

Over the past two weeks before and since the New Year, I can’t tell you how many articles I’ve read about goal setting and the optimal way to succeed and achieve your goals. But my experience has been that by March most people can’t even remember the New Year’s goals they set, let alone achieved them. So, I researched how many people actually achieve the goals they write down. In all of the studies I read, it runs between 8 and 12 percent. Even on the high side that leaves a supposed 88 percent who aren’t achieving their goals. That’s when I thought, perhaps I’m wrong.

For those of us who love lists and goals to cross off, the concept of a New Year’s Resolution is perfect. We make our lists, and create attainable goals and cross them off as we achieve them. However, we are only a small percentage of the population. Yet with 88 percent of the population not achieving their New Year’s goals the world does not come to a stand-still. People go to work, are productive, get raises, raise children, buy houses and achieve things. What are they doing if they are not writing lists? That is the key to understanding success.

I’m discovering that some people, to achieve a goal, have to take the time and identify what they love about something they want to achieve. When they do so, they find that the achievement almost takes care of itself; they love working toward success. Still some people succeed when they have others joining them in the achievement, even just to cheer them on. They like accountability to others and want to talk about where they are on their journey and what the challenges and success are. Still others are happy to move in a general direction, i.e., moving up the corporate ladder or raising a family, and are very adept at dealing with the next stage of their overarching goal. Everyone is different in how they approach achievement and there is no magic on New Year’s Day that makes resolutions automatically come true.

The most important question is how do you succeed? Think of a time when you wanted to achieve something and you did. What did you do? How did you motivate yourself? What did you do to get through the difficult times? Because I’m convinced that success for many people is not just about creating goals, but identifying how you personally have achieved success in the past and applying the same personal process in the future.

Give Time Time

The devil was on my mind this morning and it wasn't just because I was at church. Okay, it started there. We heard the christian scripture story about Jesus going out to the desert and the devil tempting him. Interestingly, all of the temptations concern solving problems - hunger and power for example, immediately. Whether you are christian or not the story points out one of the key challenges to greatness in our society - immediacy. We want everything right now including greatness. We don't want to take the time to develop our skills, ideas, or plans. We want success and we want it immediately. We won't give time, time.

The reality is that we have to give ourselves and others a break. In 42 BC Publius Syrus said "It takes a long time to bring excellence to maturity." More recently, in his new book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell offers the current research indicating that it takes approximately 10,000 hours of practice to achieve excellence. The problem is that our society offers instant gratification in so many areas that we somehow want to believe ourselves capable of achieving greatness quickly. It's true that we can achieve fame almost overnight (American Idol, Survivor), or fortune instantly (MegaMillions lottery is currently at $212 million dollars), yet the reality is that greatness will not be rushed.

We need to be humble enough to allow ourselves and others to develop and mature. Setting short term goals helps; we all need to know we are succeeding. But more importantly we have to realize that we will not achieve our personal greatness overnight. Don't be tempted. Give time time.