The Snowflake Strategy

Snow is gently falling outside my window. For those of us in the Northeast United States this is a common occurrence this winter especially in the past month. Yet as I gaze out on the winter wonderland that blanketed the area overnight I realize something about accomplishment that snow can teach us… a little bit at a time can cover the world.

Think about the size of a snowflake. Seriously! When we imagine just a small snowflake we might think “what could this possibly amount to?” Yet when we look at drifts, blizzards and snowbound areas we see the power of massing small incidental things to create enormous effects.

Many of us have dreams, some of them big and some of them small. Yet they remain as dreams because we can’t fathom reaching the end, finishing them. They seem too insurmountable. Whether you have a project at work or at home; for your life goal or a career necessity, at times it seems impossible to start.

That’s where the beauty of a snowflake comes in. Just a small, incremental step in the direction of your goal adds up. Just a little each day (and I mean a little) can add up to amazing amounts. Whether you are writing a book and only adding a paragraph at a time, or managing a project at work and just sent the first email, the gradual culmination of small things creates big effects.

What small thing can you do today to make one tiny dent in your “to do” list? What step could you take that would get a little closer to the goal? What tiny fragment could you place in your own world, or the world at large that eventually could blanket everything?

Set Your Parents Free

I just returned from visiting my parents for a few days. No, it was not painful. I'm one of those people who happen to love his parents. But I was very conscious on this visit of how much blame is placed on parents for the way their children turn out. Whether the children are spoiled, disciplined, coddled, or potty trained early it seems to provide so many people with the reasons they cannot excel. Well, whether your parents were perfect or not, it's time to set them free.

Just before my trip I stumbled on brand new research about the father's role in the development of his children. Though this research still has to be replicated, scientists believe that the experiences of the father somehow are genetically transmitted to their children. If the father had to struggle and work hard to succeed there is some sort of genetic transmission through their sperm that creates a greater likelihood their children will be willing to struggle more. They tested this theory on mice and found that even when they never allowed the father near the children, if the father had been courageous and fearless, so were the children. If the father had experienced failure and rejection and then withdrew, the children were more hesitant.

Seem like we have more to blame our parents for? No. Of course I could wax poetic about freedom of choice and how we have to become "real" adults by creating our own future. But I'm not going there, this time. What is more astounding is the strong research that people who have difficult childhoods often outperform their peers in a number of areas. Yes, because of the struggles they had when they were young, they tend to have higher courage and grit. They just don't quit.

One study of professional footballers in Australia found one common theme among all of the top players. They all had struggled or suffered through something as children and it drove them to be the best. Similarly there are other studies that show the same factors of early childhood struggle drive the best singers, actors and scientists. (There is part of me that worries I might have had it too good).

So whether our parents were amazing at encouraging us, or they were distant, we get to choose what we will do with that material. Yes, our parents are our foundation, but once the foundation is laid, it's up to us to architect the masterpiece that will go on top of it.

Years ago I tried something. I told my parents I loved them and I loved how they raised me and now it was my turn. They tried to object that they could have done better (I don't see how) but I wouldn't hear it. I told them they were free. I wasn't holding anything against them and now I would build on what they gave me. It was one of the most freeing things I've ever done both for my parents and me. Try it, and your parents will love you for it and you will feel the full power and responsibility of creating your own personal greatness.

Trade Your Bucket List for a Treasure Chest

Let's face it, we are a society that likes everything quick. We pile up at drive-thru windows when it might be faster to get out of the car and go inside. We bemoan slow internet speeds and want the newer devices so they download fast. We even have that really annoying commercial castigating us because our information "was so 42 seconds ago." So is the concept of waiting and working for something really dead or can we still take time to accomplish something great?

An article in the New York Times a few weeks ago unveiled the reality of kids publishing their books at 10 years old or younger. Bankrolled by their parents, they printed copies of their doodles, dreams, and dramas and sold them to any willing family member or friend. Yet one line in the article questioned the long-lasting results of this instant achievement. If you publish your first book at 10, where do you go from there?

There is a characteristic that is very common among individuals who achieve great things and succeed where others fail. It is called "grit." Researched by Angela Duckworth at the University of Pennsylvania and others, this characteristic is predictive of success in academics, work and life. Boiled down, grit means that you have the perserverance and the energy to keep working to achieve something rather than settle for something fast and easy.

I am curious if grit can be developed at a later age. For those of us who had few struggles early in life and usually got what we wanted, can we develop this characteristic now? The answer will be "no" if we continue to short-cut projects, demand results immediately or live continuously in an instant world. The discipline of working toward something is rich and rewarding, full of emotional highs and feelings of success, and it takes time.

Perhaps one of the ways we can move toward mastering this discipline is to think a little differently. I hear so many people talk about a "bucket list" of things they want to accomplish in their life. But you can only fit small, quick things in bucket. Perhaps we need to have a "treasure chest" since you can fit bigger things in a chest. This treasure chest would hold the desires of accomplishments that would enrich our lives, but take some time to achieve, like writing a book, creating a symphony, starting a fund, or learning an instrument.

Rather than just checking something off our list, treasure chest goals can build self-efficacy as we strive for them, engagement as we pursue them, and enrichment as we achieve them. They take time, but we will be better for it and perhaps we can really develop our grit.

Why Do You Do?

When meeting someone for the first time most Americans will first learn a person's name. Then, once we have that memorized, or not, we ask the most common question "what do you do?" Receiving the answer, we can comfortably place that individual in our mental model of how the world works, how relevant their job is and decide if we really care for them or not. Sadly our question reinforces the backwards way of thinking that leads us away from personal greatness. What is most important to success is not what we do, but why we do it.

This past week I listened to two TED talks. One of them explored the inverted way that successful individuals and companies think. Most of us, when asked about what we do as an individual or a company respond by stating "what" we do, then "how" we do it and possibly we might get to "why" we do it at the very end. Essentially we are driven by what we do. But research indicates that very successful companies think the opposite way. They first focus on "why" they do what they do. That is what connects them to others, sells their products and differentiates them. Then they move on to "how" they do it and finally, they transform their "what" into products that are unique and life changing.

We tend to focus on what we do and for many of us, it's been a long time since we focused on why we do it. But focusing on why we do our profession provides motivation, zeal, energy and passion because we hopefully believe in what we do. This is one of the markers of the characteristic of grit. We will persevere because we believe in our reason for doing something.

So, take some time to sit and think about why you do what you do. If you can identify a reason which you really believe, you can unlock passion, energy and ultimately grit. This can propel you to success. And perhaps the next time you meet someone instead of asking "what do you do?" you will think of asking them "why do you do?"

Greatness is Like Going To The Dentist?

Okay, I spent this morning at the dentist. Nothing bad, just a cleaning and checkup that I'd put off for a little over a year. Gratefully, the results were good and there is nothing out of the ordinary, so I'm off the hook for at least 6 months. But while in the dentist chair I was thinking about some shocking statistics I heard recently. Apparently the number of cavities, root canals, even crowns and dental surgery has skyrocketed in the past year. What was most shocking was that it is occuring to young children. The researchers traced one of the causes back to lack of desire on parents part to subject their children to regular brushing because "the children didn't like doing it." Though I'm not a parent, I'm concerned.

Growing up many of us learned the lessons of perseverence because we were encouraged to work for something if we really wanted it. We learned to be happy with the struggle because at the end of it, we would be rewarded with the prize we worked so hard to achieve. Whether it was purchasing a guitar, making a spot on a team, studying to make the honor roll, we embraced the concept that hard work paid off. Psychologists call it "delayed gratification" or if you look at in in terms of perseverence, they call it "grit." Sadly we are quickly becoming a society where happiness and wellbeing is so highly prized at every moment that there is little attention paid to the necessity of long, hard struggle to achieve something worthwhile. Or, ideally, to enjoy the struggle because it means that in the end, you will succeed.

Over the 12 years spent studying personal greatness, I'm always impressed with the fortitude of those who continue practicing, striving, fighting to attain something they really want, and I'm fearful we are creating a society where that characteristic will be a rareity. Recently I'm started setting tough goals for myself once again and going after them. Why? Because I've realized how much I've been seduced into selecting happiness in the moment rather than struggling for something really worthwhile.

Think about it for yourself. What are you striving for that might take time, sweat, and maybe tears, but you will be grateful when you've done it? That one goal might change your life or just the process will make you a healthier, happier person. Going to the dentist is not fun, but I'm healthier for it and probably in the long run I will be happier.

Thumbs Up

I was running on the boardwalk in Asbury Park, New Jersey. Well, not really running, more like a slow jog. I'm trying to get back into running and that day it was not going well. What looked like a beautiful January day with temps in the mid 50s and a crystal clear sky hid a challenge, a constant 12 mph wind.

As I ran into the wind for the first part of my run, I was full of all the complaints about my knees, my back, the chill in the air and especially the wind in my face. Those complaints did not diminish even when I turned and had the 12 mph wind at my back. But as I was moaning and groaning my way back to my start, I picked my head up and saw a challenging sight. An older man (well, he wasn't too much older than me really) was painfully hobb

ling along on a cane. He looked at me running and got a beautiful smile on his face. Then his free hand came up and he gave me a thumbs up as I ran by.

Studies of greatness usually focus on the gold medal winners, nobel prize winners and super elite of the world. Yet in my encounter on the boardwalk I met a great man. He was pushing himself to the edge of his own limitations and was enjoying the moment as he did so. And, as is typical of great individuals, he also lifted me up in the process.

Too often we are held back by what we can't do, rather than celebrating and enjoying what we can do. Not many of us will go down in history, but all of us can change a moment in our life or the life of someone else.

So ask yourself, what are your limits? How often do you push yourself? And when you do push yourself toward you own personal greatness, do you encourage others to do the same? If you have a crutch, do what you can and then share your energy, success, or just your struggle with someone else. Thumbs up.

Pickup Basketball, Grit and Greatness

Ever play pickup basketball? You go to a gym, meet people, pick up teams and play. You never know who you will get on your team, or how your team will do and it changes every time. Last night I was reminded of a critical factor in greatness that any of us can leverage: grit.

Arriving early I was the tenth player so we chose teams and started playing. Since there is only one court, if you win you stay on. As the game progressed more players started arriving at the gym. I knew them. They were bigger, stronger, and more talented than anyone we had on our team. Though we won the first game I thought our time on the court might be short lived. However we won the next five games against far superior teams until we finally lost by a point (I think we were exhausted by that time). Why did we do so well? Our team worked harder, fought harder and wanted to prove ourselves much more than the other teams.

Research on grit, which is perseverance in the face of obstacles, has proven to succeed over talent and IQ. Our cultural challenge is that many of us want instant gratification. Instant gratification will never lead the way to greatness. Those who are willing to continue in the face of obstacles fight against challenges and even fight against their own lethargy will succeed in whatever they want to achieve.

So, what do you want to achieve? What are you doing about it on a daily basis? What do you do when you encounter obstacles? The answers to these questions reveal the likelihood of your success. Any of us can succeed, but it may not happen tomorrow, or the day after, or for quite a while. But if you are willing to make the journey, you may find your success at the end of the road.