The Busy-ness Whirlpool

How much time do you waste during the day? Yes, I know we are all busy…crazy busy. We brag to each other how busy we are. We even brag about what we don’t have time for. “I’m so busy I haven’t been to the gym in months.” Really? But what are we doing? We are getting sucked into our own busy-ness.

I admit that I also fall into the busy-ness trap. There is always so much to do and there never seems to be enough time. I seem to work at the office, at night sometimes when I get home and in the morning. But what am I really doing?

Very recently two things occurred that kept me very busy and I realized how much of my time was stolen on this busy-ness. First, Microsoft unveiled their new operating system Windows 10. I don’t tend to be much of an early adopter when it comes to technology, but I needed to upgrade the VAIO  in my home office and thought that this new system would do it. Well, the upgrade worked, but I lost two days integrating the system, bringing files over and of course, personalizing the desktop. I rationalized my busy-ness by thinking that I was making myself more efficient.

The second occurrence was the purchase and installation of a new computer for our business office. We were disgusted with our old computers and purchased an “all-in-one” Dell desktop. Again, hours were spent on setting up the system and getting it up to speed. It’s not done yet, I’ve still got more work to do. But I finally realized that a lot of the “set up” was the personalization of the computer and not important for our work.

I offer these two as examples of the “work” that can fill up our day. It is now estimated that most of us spend up to 30% of our work day just scrolling through email and because we are connected at home we continue to work in the evenings and on weekends creating what is approximately a 72 hour work week for ourselves. No wonder we don’t have time for anything. And of course it all seems important.

There is no easy answer. I’m not going to advocate turning everything off, because as a business owner I can’t. But I’m finding that it is important to understand and monitor what keeps me busy. Is it just my own busy work? Am I feeling busy because I’m doing something, anything, even just scrolling through email or Facebook, or am I moving toward accomplishing the things in life that mean so much to me, like writing, speaking and helping others? And of course, I want to spend time with the people in my life I care about. When I put those things in perspective I realize that scrolling through emails, checking news, reading Facebook, posting on Instagram, are jobs I create for myself that keep me busy. I can choose to maximize my time with the work I enjoy and the people I love. Whatever time is left over, I’ll give to my “busy-ness.”

Unintentional Misogyny

I didn’t intend to be a misogynist, I didn’t even know I was one until I opened my eyes and looked at what was happening to someone I cared for, then I realized my ignorance and my complicity. Aside from intentional misogynists most of this country runs on an unconscious bias toward white, straight, rich men. There is no real “reverse discrimination” as some would claim. And if you’ve never been on the other side of prejudice you don’t have any idea what it really feels like. And that’s where we need some education in this country.

Twenty years ago I landed a job at Merrill Lynch and met a strong, independent, powerful woman, Jan Sparrow. We became friends and in 2000 we left Merrill Lynch to start our own consulting business. It was when Jan and I began to travel and work together that I saw the bias.

Though Jan had 16 more years in corporate America than I did and vast amounts of experience, she was often ignored when we pitched business and I was focused on. In hotels and airlines (when they still controlled upgrades) I was given upgrades and she wasn’t even though we had identical status in both. In meetings Jan was talked over and interrupted while I was allowed to speak unhindered. It was amazing and appalling. That’s what opened my eyes.

I always believed that everyone had an equal opportunity in this country, but the new research is pointing to a darker reality, our unconscious biases. We don’t know that we score women lower than men when we rate teachers, politicians and professionals. We complement girls and women on their looks and boys and men on their success. When meeting with married couples we defer to men in decision-making, sometimes not even looking at the women in meetings. When a man is strong and aggressive we call him “a go-getter” but if a women is strong and aggressive we call her a "bitch."

Sadly I use to defend myself by saying to women that I wasn’t the enemy; I believed in equality. Now I know that is not enough. I have to believe in inequality, in the subconscious bias that our society, our world teaches us. Jan and every women deserves that from me.

So, now I’m conscious of how women are treated in the boardroom, in lines, at dinners because I’m starting to see the reality that they are not treated equally. To all the men I suggest you find a professional female colleague and follow her around for a day with open eyes and ears. You will be amazed. To all the women, I encourage you to stand up to the misogyny and help us to open our eyes.

  **the reference below is the link to Nicholas Kristoff’s NYT article that inspired this blog. He has the research on bias in his article.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/22/opinion/sunday/nicholas-kristof-straighttalk-for-white-men.html?rref=collection%2Fcolumn%2Fnicholas-kristof

The Snowflake Strategy

Snow is gently falling outside my window. For those of us in the Northeast United States this is a common occurrence this winter especially in the past month. Yet as I gaze out on the winter wonderland that blanketed the area overnight I realize something about accomplishment that snow can teach us… a little bit at a time can cover the world.

Think about the size of a snowflake. Seriously! When we imagine just a small snowflake we might think “what could this possibly amount to?” Yet when we look at drifts, blizzards and snowbound areas we see the power of massing small incidental things to create enormous effects.

Many of us have dreams, some of them big and some of them small. Yet they remain as dreams because we can’t fathom reaching the end, finishing them. They seem too insurmountable. Whether you have a project at work or at home; for your life goal or a career necessity, at times it seems impossible to start.

That’s where the beauty of a snowflake comes in. Just a small, incremental step in the direction of your goal adds up. Just a little each day (and I mean a little) can add up to amazing amounts. Whether you are writing a book and only adding a paragraph at a time, or managing a project at work and just sent the first email, the gradual culmination of small things creates big effects.

What small thing can you do today to make one tiny dent in your “to do” list? What step could you take that would get a little closer to the goal? What tiny fragment could you place in your own world, or the world at large that eventually could blanket everything?

Live Life on the Peaks

Happiness is not a subject near and dear to my heart. It's not that I'm against happiness, I tend to be a very happy guy. But happiness is not something I pursue. Anyone who consistently reads my writing know that I believe happiness  is a positive effect of pursuing individual greatness, but not the goal in itself.

However, though I don’t focus on happiness many people think I’m the ultimately happy guy who never looks at the dark side of life. Last week I was talking with a friend and she was opining that “on the journey of life you have to experience both the peaks and the valleys.” I agreed, but countered that “just because I experience the valleys on the journey of life doesn’t mean I have to stop and build my house there.”

This past weekend I had the privilege of attending a positive psychology summit at the University of Pennsylvania. It was attended by some of the smartest and most accomplished people I know. Dr. Ed Deiner spoke about happiness and revealed some studies that if you are super happy, you might not achieve as much as someone else who might be moderately happy. (Of course if you are depressed you might not accomplish much either.) Afterword I tried to pursue the point, but he deftly dodged it. However, his point was made. Some of the most prominent people in history struggled with their dark side and used it as a spring-board to creativity and success. It’s important to note that most of them didn’t wallow in their dark side, but acknowledged it and used it.

In the journey of life all of us experience peaks and valleys. However by living in the valleys we close ourselves off from the good side of life. Yes, it is important to experience the highs and lows, but since we all have a choice, why not build our homes on the highs? We can do that by enjoying the peak moments more, exploring them and learning how we can repeat them and treasuring them each time they occur. Then, with confidence we can experience and even explore the valleys, but in time move out and back up to the peaks. So the question remains, where do you want to build your house?

Here Comes the Judge

Can you hear it? Does it get louder every time you try doing something creative and new? You know what I mean, the thought that says "you're not good enough," or "this work is crap, no one will ever read it or want to see it." That's the Judge. Many people I've spoken with struggle with these thoughts that hinder or stop any kind of creativity or new actions. They agree that when they try something they can hear this voice inside their head condemning their attempts or worse yet, laughing at them. It's time to bring the Judge out of hiding and deal with him.

I've dealt with the Judge all my life, in every new endeavor, every new creative effort. There is this thought that my work is never good enough, people don't want to see it and that I'm wasting my time. Sadly I've noticed that the Judge has not grown quieter over the years even after three books and other successes. It seems that he is now emboldened and he has taken on a new tack: "nothing you create will live up to what you've already done so you might as well quit while you are ahead." Sound familiar?

I'm use to the Judge, the nagging voice telling me to "get it right." I even would say to people "I am my toughest critic." Midway through last year I let the Judge win. Telling myself and others I had writer's block, I stopped writing anything. I stopped being creative in my work and bascially just went with the status quo. But I'm also aware that when we engage in negative behaviors we do so because we gain something from them. So I had to ask myself the question, what do I get out of listening to the Judge? And the answer came back loud and clear, safety. When there is nothing new or creative no one can critize or challenge me. I can't underperform precisely because I'm not in the arena. And so for about six months, the Judge succeeded.

So, for those of us who have the Judge in our lives how do we eliminate or at least control him? Create an advocate.

For me, there was tremendous clarity about what I gained by not writing or creating. I gained safety. But what did I lose? I lost the joy and spontaneity of creativity, the exhilaration of the process of creating. I love the feel and sound of new thoughts and the possiblity of the worlds they hold. And I lost the moment when even one person resonated with something I wrote or said.

That's too much to lose.

And so I began thinking of how I feel when I create. I remembered what it is like to let loose. I savored even picking up my fountain pen and filling it with ink before writing (yes, I still use a fountain pen). And I starting hearing the voice of the "Advocate." The Advocate is the voice that encouages me to let go and trust my instinct. The Advocate laughs, as I do, at the sheer joy in creativity. The Advocate comforts me when the fear of something new creeps up by reminding me how often I've been there and have chartered the rough waters successfully. Now I'm starting to realize how loud the Advocate's voice can be.

So I don't know if I'll ever banish the Judge. The old curmudgeon does make me aware of my work and pushes me to be better. But I want to allow the Advocate to speak and speak loudly on my behalf. Because there is nothing like being creative. It unleashes the best of us. What we have to do is overpower the Judge.

The Ritual Effect

Many years ago when I first began speaking to audiences I would become so nervous I'd want to vomit. I was given some great instruction and wonderful advice that has helped me transition to a much calmer and more professional speaker. One of the key pieces of advice was to create a "ritual." Seriously? When I first heard the word "ritual" I thought of incense and prayers since as an ordained clergyman I've participated in many rituals over the years. But what was suggested to me was using a physical movement that would trigger my body when I was about to speak. My body would then react by moving the energy to where I needed it and not leave it in my stomach. All these years later I still use that same quick ritual before I speak and I feel myself gaining control.

Recently Forbes Magazine ran an article about two associate professors at Harvard, Michael Norton and Francesca Gino, who are researching the effects of rituals. They discovered that rituals help alleviate grief and also enhance the experience of eating. Well, as a clergyman, I know about alleviating grief, but had to smile at rituals enhancing eating. Yet what I wondered is why it has taken so long for many of us to catch on to the power of rituals. 

Rituals enhance, assist and invigorate most activities. Actors, singers, athletes and business men and women use them effectively every day to be better at what they do. A ritual helps them prepare, focus and be energized throughout an action. We now teach professionals to create their own rituals so that they can quickly engage in an activity rather than be hesitant or distracted. 

For example, when I am writing something new I prefer to create the idea long hand. Only once the idea is on paper do I sit at my keyboard and flesh it out. But the ritual I use before I write brings my mind into focus and relaxes me. First I purchased some very nice pens. My favorite is a fountain pen which I purposely fill with ink each time I want to start a new article, or book. The movement of deliberately picking up the pen, opening it and filling it with ink relaxes and focuses me. It's as if my mind and body know what's coming and so they are ready. 

What rituals do you use in your life and work? How do you prepare your mind and body so you will be more relaxed and focused during any activity? Remember, you can create rituals to enhance anything you do. Just as long as they are followed every time by that activity your mind and body will be more in tune and more focused as you start. And you can even use them to enjoy your meals more. 

Are You Living a Life of Creative Tension?

This morning while reading I came across this quote by E.B. White:

“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”

That space between seeking to improve the world and seeking to enjoy it is something I grapple with every day. People challenge me that by focusing so much on personal greatness and changing the world I must not be able to relax and be content. The opposite is true; well, at least about the contentment, I'm working on relaxing.

Between improving and enjoying the world is the creative tension which allows for a powerful, fulfilled life.

As I write this there is a crystal clear azure sky as the sun rises over the ocean in Asbury Park. The street below my window is awash in contrasts of color and white from the light snowfall last night. How can you not be enamoured by a world like this? How can you not enjoy these moments, breathe them in deeply into the fabric of your being and hope against hope that you carry them through a modicum of your day?

And then there is the clarion call of positive change. The day rolls out in front of you with endless possibilities to offer a smile or a laugh, to cheer up someone who is dejected and bring out the best in everyone, especially yourself. That challenge is what gets the blood flowing and the heart racing.

To see your hand on the world around you as it moves toward the good is an amazing thing.

So, I don't intend to shirk from the seductive yet challenging world around us and I hope you won't either. It is what gives my life meaning and vigor. To embrace the wonder of this world, yet to desire to improve it for all people is the ultimate greatness project, and it awaits us each day as we rise to meet it.

American Idle

So what's with all the reality shows? I know American Idol just finished and there is a new reality singing show called Duets coming out. There are enough reality cooking shows to feed a country with their meals. And if all the house repair shows focused on one city, like New Orleans, it would be totally renovated in a week of prime time. So why is there this desire to watch reality when we live it every day?

The Roman emperors were right. Give people bread and "the circus" and they will be fine. In the latter stages of the crumbling Roman Empire they used the games to blind the people to what was happening in politics, the city and in their empire. It was coming apart at the seams. The once mighty empire was corrupt, fat and happy living off it's successes. Yet people flocked to the Colosseum and the Circus Maximus to see competitions and entertainment. Instead of rebuilding the discipline that made them the most powerful empire in the world, they lounged and watched others do the work.

We are quickly becoming a country where we watch others do the work we don't want to do ourselves. I'm not saying we don't work hard. Many of my friends work 60 or more hours a week at their jobs. But the hard work of creating a legacy for our lives, of helping others build a community, of building a country that is the standard bearer in education, innovation and caring for it's citizens lies outside of our work-a-day world. That's where greatness is built. When we finish the work of the day and then use our time to work on our own lives, or the lives of others. But it's easier to watch others do it because we claim that we are too tired at the end of the day.

Studies have shown that when we volunteer, or just help a friend we are happier and healthier. Our well-being increases and it's not just for that moment. So the excuse of being too tired really doesn't fly. All of us could find even 20 minutes to work on our future well-being, our family, or our community. The results over time will be amazing.

As I write this I'm aware that I'm writing for myself. I used to volunteer in many organizations and help out at church. All of that slipped away and now I console myself by writing checks. Not the same thing! But I also still marvel at what a passive society we've become.

No one individual and no society has achieved anything by sitting and watching others (except to get a flabby butt). There are times to watch and admire the great things others can do. Then it's time to get off the couch.

How to Pack Your Suitcase and Save Brain Power

Packing for Seattle yesterday morning I realized how much brain power I was saving. I’ve packed so many times that it is rote memory at this point. How my shoes go in, where I put my razor, how my tee shirts are packed. And even though I’m adding some vacation time to this business trip, it added only a moment’s hesitation. Very little brain power was used in this packing.

So, why is that important? Recent research indicates that we use up brain power as we make decisions. Even the little decisions such as which cereal we eat, depletes our brain power. Now, think of how many choices we have in a day. We probably have hundreds before we leave the house in the morning. The problem is that as the day progresses and our brain become tired (to use a very unscientific term) we start making decisions based more on gut instinct, or the easiest choice rather than thinking about them. Essentially we become stupid.

There is a way to give the brain a break. Create good habits. I’m not talking about the good habits of what we eat or how we behave, though those are necessary in society. I’m talking about taking away the thinking involved in the mundane tasks so that we can have the brain power left over to use on the difficult ones.

Simply put, be boring in some areas of your life. It’s okay. Though some people say that creativity is enhanced when you drive to work a different way, or brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand (that’s tough) but I’d rather save my creativity for writing or music. And I’d rather save my brain power for some important decision-making.

Think about it. When you awake in the morning knowing what you are wearing (even if you didn’t put it out the night before) and you eat the same (hopefully nutritious) breakfast, you’ve saved yourself from having to make all of those decisions. It makes the day easier.

Since I fly so much out of Newark Airport I always park in the same aisle. That way, when I get off a plane I never have to think where my car is. It’s always in the same place. I do the same with my glasses and wallet when I enter my house. I never have to think about it. It saves me time and brain power.

So, what good habits can you adopt especially with those things you do on a regular basis? Find a routine you don’t have to think about and imbed it into your daily life. It makes life much easier to live and it gives you some left over brain power for those difficult decisions like what movie to watch on the flight? 

Enough With Focusing On Happiness!

Recently there has been a plethora of articles and research on happiness. The "how" of happiness, the mindset of happiness, even the foods of happiness. It is seemingly everywhere. Yet we are no happier. The rates of depression, especially since the Second World War are staggering and even living in one of the safest and most developed nations in the world, we don't even rank in the top 10 as being the happiest. With all the focus on happiness, you'd think we could dent the statistics a little. The challenge is that we are focusing on the wrong thing.

Of course happiness is important, it's even in our bill of rights. Yet, like trying to grasp a wave, when you grab for happiness, it falls apart. Happiness is subjective, minute to minute. If you ask me right now if I am happy, I'll say yes because my computer is working, I have a full stomach and I know there is good coffee down the street. However, in a nanosecond my phone could ring bringing me bad news about someone I love and instantly my happiness is gone. So how can we spend so much time focusing on happiness when it disappears so quickly? All of the quick fixes in the magazines and on TV won't elevate our level of real happiness because it focuses on something very ethereal and fleeting. Rather our focus should be on living a full life and happiness will be one of the by-products.

The main paradox in the happiness phenomena is the focus on self. Almost all of the research and practice is how to elevate your happiness. This intense navel gazing only tends to make individuals more suspect of their own happiness and creates concomitant highs and lows in self-esteem and positive affect as they study their own mood swings. Good research has indicated that by doing something for someone else we raise the level of our happiness significantly and for a longer period of time. Wow, something as simple as a charitable act can change our well being. It's better than a tax write-off. And think of how the focus has shifted. By not focusing on ourselves, but focusing on helping others, we achieve what all the self-focus will not.

So too we can find happiness in what we do. Not by focusing on how I feel each and every day while doing my tasks, but focusing rather on doing the tasks and becoming absorbed in them. Engagement increases levels of happiness, well being and self-efficacy. Find something in your work that really engages you and let yourself get lost in it. You will be amazed at the difference.

Finally a focus on happiness in the moment necessarily moves us away from any suffering or struggle. Yet most of us have had moments in our lives when we've struggled to achieve something and suffered through the painstaking process. When we finally finish we feel better than we have in ages and that memory stays with us longer than almost any other.

I'm not saying we shouldn't be happy. However we need to stop focusing on it because we will never succeed in securing it directly. Unleashing our talents and abilities, especially for others and doing so in a way where we struggle to succeed is the surest way to deep and long-lasting happiness; it's just not popular to say so. We want the quick way to happiness, but that is also the quickest way to lose it. Focus on someone else and bring all your gifts and talents to bear. Happiness will come.

Charisma With a Small "c"

Over the Easter holiday I went out for a jog while visiting my parents in Virginia Beach. One of the streets I passed was named "Charisma Way." I laughed as I ran by, thinking of the pressure of living up to their address. Yet reality is far more insidious. We often hear that great women and men have charisma seemingly from the moment they are born. Supposedly they captivate others and conquer mountains from the time they first walk and talk. This false belief allows the rest of us to resign ourselves to average lives since we are not "gifted." However we need to reconsider this false belief.

True enough, there are women and men who captivate a room the moment they walk in and make others feel as they are the only person in the world when they communicate. These individuals seemingly dominate any discussion, rally or gathering effortlessly and hold sway at will. They are the "natural" leaders who supposedly move groups to support causes. Usually tall, athletic and good looking, we stand aside to permit them access to any pulpit they wish. Yet, is it true that they are the natural leaders, or are we just holding back?

History recounts numerous individuals who used their "gift" for the wrong purpose; to start wars, demean others, or just to fill their own ego. History also teaches us that individuals who have passion and purpose can move mountains even without the usual anointing of charisma. These are people who use what they have to move toward their own personal greatness and change their world, however small, in the ways they can.

There are few of us who will go down in history; few of us who were born on "Charisma Way" and yet all of us can affect the world around us. What are your gifts? What are your talents? The world is less if we hold them back in favor of others. So perhaps there is charisma with a small "c" that doesn't need the pulpit, or approval of the crowd, but succeeds nevertheless in touching the lives of others and making them better. Either way, all of us are anointed to achieve our own personal greatness and we will do it in our own way.

Can Smoke Detectors Lead to Greatness?

The chirping of a smoke detector greeted me as I got out of bed this morning. I ignored it, strolled downstairs to get my coffee and then sat down to meditate. The chirping seemed to increase. Exasperated I got up, found a new battery, grabbed a chair and replaced the battery, but not before I was tempted to silence the detector permanently. For many of us the proliferation of "alerts" in our business lives might numb us to their importance, but we ignore them at our own peril and risk missing a meeting, a phone call or a flight. Some of the "alerts" in our bodies offer the same annoyance, but, if dealt with, allow us to deal with situations before they become major problems. The challenge is our society would have us block our natural alerts leading to much larger life problems.

We now have the capacity to block feelings of pain, guilt, anxiety, loneliness, stress and many others. In some extreme cases necessity demands that people are relieved of these symptoms. Yet for many of us these are the "alerts" our body sends when something is not normal and needs to be attended to. For example anxiety, for me, has become a great alert when I am attempting something I've not tried before. Rather than ignore it, I pay attention to what I'm anxious about and draw on other strengths to channel the anxious energy so that my work is better. If I were to ignore the anxiety, it might take over. The same occurs when I'm feeling stressed. I use the  alert to help locate the source of the stress and choose what I can do (since most of my stress is caused from a feeling of lack of control).

All of us live with alerts that our bodies and minds offer us when something is out of balance. What are your alerts? Are they consistent? Rather than ignoring them or finding ways to dull them, try listening to them and seeing what they are telling you. Alerts are there for a reason. Dealt with properly, they can help us get back into balance.

Comparisons Are Odious

I'm a competitor. There, it's out. Not that this is any surprise for any of my friends and acquaintances. Though I've tried to tame my competitive spirit over the years, I've not succeeded. Essentially I've stopped talking about it and tried to hide my feelings. But seriously, for those of us who are competitive, it's tough to shake. My competitive self comes alive in everything from cards, to sports, writing, speaking, business - you name it, and I'll compete in it. The upside is that competition has made me better in many areas and so it can be a useful tool in striving for personal greatness. The downside is that competition is based on comparisons and as Barry Schwartz puts it so well "comparisons are odious."

Competition drives us to be better in the things we attempt to do. When we examine our role models in the various dimensions where we want to succeed, we raise our sights on what we believe we are capable of doing. We broaden our concepts of how we will attempt to succeed in our endeavors and hopefully learn from our role models what other aspects of our discipline we wish to develop. So competition can have an upside.

Yet the cost of competition, especially the constant comparison to others, comes at a hefty price. If our comparisons always find us lacking in some capacity, eventually that will impact our self-image, our happiness and ultimately our well-being. The poem/prayer Desiderata offered "If you compare yourself to others you may become vain or bitter, for always there are greater and lesser persons than yourself." The phrase "keeping up with the Joneses" encapsulates the idea of comparison with our neighbors, but with TV and the internet we have the opportunity of comparing ourselves constantly against a much higher bar and it can leave us feeling drained and worn out.

Once again, balance is key. Utilizing our skills and abilities to their maximum is shown to increase experiences of "flow" and a growth in self-esteem. When we push ourselves to attain the next level in whatever our discipline, we can enjoy more positive emotions and a higher level of happiness. The discipline is to compete with ourselves after examining what others are doing. We can learn from them what might be the next level in our discipline, but then we have to create our own goals, so that we are not comparing ourselves to them, but to what we believe we can achieve.

Competition can be a tool, if used well, in moving toward our personal greatness. When balanced it will push us toward the best we can be, but in a competition against ourselves.

Do You Have a Deviance Support Group?

"Excellence is a form of deviance." This quote from Robert Quinn's book Deep Change resonated powerfully and personally with me. Within the short sentence is important wisdom for anyone who strives toward their own personal greatness. Why? Because as Quinn says, when you choose to be your best, when you choose to do things that others are unwilling to do, to go the extra mile, you will stand out in any community, team, organization or family. You will be deviant.

Speaking about personal greatness around the country, I always raise this question of stepping out of the norm. What happens to people who are different because they are pursuing their personal greatness? Many words will be offered and sadly most of them reveal the negative side of being different. The one word that consistently arises when speaking about striving for personal greatness and being different is that we become a "target." I'm told "people will come after you," "they will try to find out what's wrong with you," and "they will try to level the playing field."

One of the key factors in personal greatness is the willingness, legally and ethically, to do what others are not willing to do. This deviance might mean spending extra time in practice, working on a new skill, pushing yourself to a new level in your expertise, or just living every moment with incredible energy and passion. It is this deviance that others and systems try to quell.

Prepare for the reality that if we choose to work toward unleashing our gifts and talents, there are those who will resent us, those who will envy us, and the system itself (society, organization or family) will attempt to pull us back into the norm. This is why individuals striving for personal greatness tend to find each other and create supportive communities. History reveals the bonding of great writers, scientists, thinkers etc who supported each other in moving toward new heights in their fields. Whether our focus is being the best employee or spouse we can be, or discovering a cure for cancer, the same need is present - we need a supportive community.

Who do you have who supports your positive deviance? Who is present in your life and encourages you to continue taking steps that differentiate you from the norm? These are the people who need to be present along the way as you all strive for your personal greatness.

China and US: Virtue is Found in The Middle

In Beijing our guide proudly escorted us through palaces and monuments of China's glorious past and around examples of their unlimited potential. She consistently spoke about how the government was moving to correct corruption and even referenced, though in veiled language, some of the challenges they face. Yet when speaking about the government, the country, or even herself she consistently used the pronoun "we." She embodied a "collective" mindset and provides a key learning point for all of us struggling to create a place where everyone can achieve their personal greatness.

We focus in this country on individuality. From the creation of the Constitution we emphasized the rights of the individual. This fosters an atmosphere where whatever is right for me is the most important thing. The state's responsibility is to protect my rights so that I can grow as an individual. This differentiation from others has it's place. It is part of the natural healthy psychological growth of any child. Yet have we taken it too far?

Current society offers us the iphone, ipad, moble me, (emphasis on "I" or "me"). We can eat individually by "having it my way," or with a "personal pan pizza." We are invited to create our own "personal home page" on many online sites and the news sites allow us to personalize the news we read. Mostly everything we read, eat, or do allows us to individualize in some form or another.

Yet the reality exists that we are a community. We have laws and societal standards which assist our growth, stability and functioning as a collective. This collective thinking is singularly important when developing the possibility of all people to discover and attain their personal greatness. What are we doing as a society to help all people move toward that goal? Are we willing to assist others, and occasionally compromise so that others can also succeed?

These are hard questions and they come with balance. In collective cultures, such as China, there is little place for the development of the individual outside what they can provide for the collective whole (though this is changing as I write this). What occurs is a society where almost everyone is working for the common good of all. What it doesn't foster is the development of the powers of each individual to be independently creative, critical and opportunistic. Conversely we have a society where we encourage individuality to the point that many people focus solely on their personal gain to the detriment of society.

Augustine of Hippo once stated "virtue is found in the middle." Developing individual strengths and personality is essential to the natural psychological growth of any individual and assists the whole society. But additionally it is necessary to have moments of compromise and agreement so that the society as a whole can thrive and foster each individual's personal greatness. Growth toward personal greatness cannot be found solely by focusing on "I" but by balancing our personal needs with the needs of the group and also focusing on "we." The balance is key and creates a place where everyone can grow and thrive.

China: What Can We Learn From Them?

My recent trip to Beijing confirmed what I learned on my first trip last year. China is a country in search of a vision. She doesn't really know what she wants to be. My driver took me on unplanned routes past new empty factories and housing developments.  They were built to emphasize the new growth of China, but are not yet affordable to the people. He took me past the national museum with the brand new statue of Confucius outside and said that the government was reintroducing Confucius because communism was failing. Capitalism has been introduced, but regulated unevenly; at times with a heavy hand and other times the government looks away. China has built brand new internal airports only to have them sit empty and still they intend to build the largest airport in the world in Beijing. Where are they going? What are they trying to be?

Mao's Mausoleum

There is no doubt of the growth in China. They are moving at a very rapid pace toward new technologies and innovative ideas. Their new architecture is amazing by any city's standards. But once you look past the surface, the growth is uneven and haphazard. This is a country in search of a vision; they don't know who they want to be.

Individual, organizational and national growth depend on a few characteristics; the freedom to grow, innovative ideas, resources to develop those ideas, and a clear direction. China has all but the last characteristic. Their history illuminates the development from fiefdoms, to a powerful imperial dynasty, then a strong communist state, and now, well, not really anything.

Any of us can learn from their challenges. I've met with countless individuals who had the freedom, ideas, and resources to be amazing at whatever they chose. The challenge was that they never chose. I've struggled with that same challenge. When there are so many avenues to choose to try new things, it's difficult to pick one because you worry you will chose incorrectly, or leave a good road behind.

However the poison of indecision is far more insidious than we realize. Trapped in not choosing a direction, we wallow in perpetual mediocrity, or occasion triumphs only to sink back into uncertainty. To achieve our best, we need a direction.

Sometimes, for me, it is as simple as picking a direction I really believe I want my life to move and taking a few steps. I've learned that sometimes it becomes very clear, very quickly that it is the wrong direction and I can retrace my steps and head another way. But I've clarified my direction and eliminated a road for the future. That is worth the attempt. Sometimes I choose well and it feels like everything clicks into place as I move toward my vision.

Ask yourself: what's my vision for myself, or for my organization or family? Is it clear to me? Is it clear to others? Once you have identified your vision strive for it with everything you have because all your energies will be focused in the same direction and you will more likely succeed.

Spring Awakening

Yesterday was beautiful in New Jersey. Though there were strong winds, the smell of spring spiraled through the air, the daffodils pushed up through the soil and the sun was strong. It's early for Spring, but it is always welcome. As I saw the world coming to life again, I reflected on moments of new growth for all of us.

As I travel and work around the world I'm struck that many adults seem to be just going through the motions. There is little evidence of life and energy left in us. Walking through the major cities in the world most adults walk with their heads down, eyes on the pavement, seemingly lost on some serious intent, but looking bored or angry. And yet there are those who catch my eye with their energy, smile and passion. They draw me like a bee to honey. Why are they so energetic?

All of us have times of exhaustion when we move from day to day in a fog just getting through. Yet for some it's become a lifestyle for many of us. I find myself occasionally sinking into the tepidness of routine, but I'm enamoured by those who have so much energy. What I'm learning is that they have found what they love to do, they do it with passion and they are so in love with their life they are not afraid to express their passion.

These individuals who exude all of this energy don't seem to run out. Energy grows even as they display it in all they do. And it's not just extroverted people who do this. Even introverts who love what they do glow with an inner radiance. So, if like me you find yourself not being the energetic person you want to be, just reexamine your life. Find something you love to do. Whether it is part of your work, your personal life, your art, awaken yourself to passion and joy. You will be amazed what transformation takes place in all of the other areas in your life. Additionally, you will surprise those around you also. Now is the time for a spring awakening.

Greatness is Like Going To The Dentist?

Okay, I spent this morning at the dentist. Nothing bad, just a cleaning and checkup that I'd put off for a little over a year. Gratefully, the results were good and there is nothing out of the ordinary, so I'm off the hook for at least 6 months. But while in the dentist chair I was thinking about some shocking statistics I heard recently. Apparently the number of cavities, root canals, even crowns and dental surgery has skyrocketed in the past year. What was most shocking was that it is occuring to young children. The researchers traced one of the causes back to lack of desire on parents part to subject their children to regular brushing because "the children didn't like doing it." Though I'm not a parent, I'm concerned.

Growing up many of us learned the lessons of perseverence because we were encouraged to work for something if we really wanted it. We learned to be happy with the struggle because at the end of it, we would be rewarded with the prize we worked so hard to achieve. Whether it was purchasing a guitar, making a spot on a team, studying to make the honor roll, we embraced the concept that hard work paid off. Psychologists call it "delayed gratification" or if you look at in in terms of perseverence, they call it "grit." Sadly we are quickly becoming a society where happiness and wellbeing is so highly prized at every moment that there is little attention paid to the necessity of long, hard struggle to achieve something worthwhile. Or, ideally, to enjoy the struggle because it means that in the end, you will succeed.

Over the 12 years spent studying personal greatness, I'm always impressed with the fortitude of those who continue practicing, striving, fighting to attain something they really want, and I'm fearful we are creating a society where that characteristic will be a rareity. Recently I'm started setting tough goals for myself once again and going after them. Why? Because I've realized how much I've been seduced into selecting happiness in the moment rather than struggling for something really worthwhile.

Think about it for yourself. What are you striving for that might take time, sweat, and maybe tears, but you will be grateful when you've done it? That one goal might change your life or just the process will make you a healthier, happier person. Going to the dentist is not fun, but I'm healthier for it and probably in the long run I will be happier.

Being Invisible

Want to try an interesting experiment? The next time you get together with friends, go out to a party, or attend a networking event try being invisible. It is really interesting and very easy to do. The way to become invisible at a gathering is to ask the first question of someone you meet, or someone you know. I've discovered that when I do that the person goes on and on about themselves and rarely asks me about how I am or what I am doing. There is little or no reciprocity. You can spend an entire evening listening to your friends and neighbors, business associates and new acquaintances and never say a word other than to ask the next question. Try it. You will be amazed at how quickly you can become invisible.

The art of conversation has been lost among the world of Twitter, Facebook, blogs and instant fame. It seems to be much more important to proclaim what we've done recently rather than dialogue about an issue or idea. Most current conversation are statements thrown up against, or in support of each other. But rarely are they elicited by a question, or and interaction. One person finishes speaking, or not, and the other jumps in with a statement of their own which may or may not have to anything to do with the topic at hand. We might as well be standing on opposite street corners posturing on our soap boxes and stating to the world what we believe, or what we've done.

The problem with this discourse is that is doesn't propel deep thinking, or generate new ideas. This type of discourse focuses more on "winning by sheer volume." Okay, not all conversation has to be deep or generate new ideas, but when was the last time you had a substantive conversation about a relevant topic where there was a give and take of ideas and everyone listened to and learned from each other? We all need a refresher course in the art of conversation.

So, try the experiment of being invisible. First of all, you will learn a lot. Listening to others is the quickest way to garner new ideas and perspectives. Second you can become aware of how little reciprocity there is in current dialogue. Hopefully it will create a desire in you to find meaningful dialogue during the week. Those dialogues lead to new insights, ideas and perspectives. And, at least you won't be invisible anymore.

What's Your Trigger?

Every morning, like clockwork, the first thing I do is pour myself a cup of coffee. It is so much a part of my morning ritual, I don't even have to make the coffee, it's on a timer so I have a hot cup ready for me  as I come downstairs. For those of us who enjoy our morning cup, we know it is the start of the day, the launch pad, the starting block and everything takes off from there. Medically, we know about the caffeine in coffee and how it stimulates the body, but there is something in the rhythm and ritual of that first cup that really starts my day.

Similarly all of us have our "caffeine" to get us started on projects, whether they are continuing or new. We use different ways to psyche ourselves up to dive back into a task, or begin something else. Perhaps we don't realize how valuable that knowledge is and how important it is toward achieving personal greatness. But being able to stimulate energy and drive when we need it is one of the keys to success in any endeavor. First we need to know what gets us going.

For decades scientists have studied the rituals and routines that athletes, actors, speakers, etc use to prepare for their craft.They develop these rituals prior to needing the extra jolt of energy to begin a task. Whether developed consciously or unconsciously science shows us that when these individuals start their ritual the mind and body prepare for what comes next. It is a "trigger" that stimulates a holistic response and helps the person fully focus on and attack their project.

What are your triggers? What do you do to prepare for a new project, recreate the energy for a long-running piece of work, or psyche yourself up for a short burst of productivity? By identifying your triggers, or creating them you can utilize them any time you need to engage in productive  and enjoyable work. You can even use them when the task is not as fulfilling. The important step is to know how to prepare yourself to be at your best.

Personally I've found the discipline of early morning works for me. With my coffee in hand, I meditate for a while, and then turn on my computer. I've found with this ritual it triggers my desire to write and I am ready by the time the computer boots up. Find your triggers or create new ones. This is a first step toward any success you want.