Unintentional Misogyny

I didn’t intend to be a misogynist, I didn’t even know I was one until I opened my eyes and looked at what was happening to someone I cared for, then I realized my ignorance and my complicity. Aside from intentional misogynists most of this country runs on an unconscious bias toward white, straight, rich men. There is no real “reverse discrimination” as some would claim. And if you’ve never been on the other side of prejudice you don’t have any idea what it really feels like. And that’s where we need some education in this country.

Twenty years ago I landed a job at Merrill Lynch and met a strong, independent, powerful woman, Jan Sparrow. We became friends and in 2000 we left Merrill Lynch to start our own consulting business. It was when Jan and I began to travel and work together that I saw the bias.

Though Jan had 16 more years in corporate America than I did and vast amounts of experience, she was often ignored when we pitched business and I was focused on. In hotels and airlines (when they still controlled upgrades) I was given upgrades and she wasn’t even though we had identical status in both. In meetings Jan was talked over and interrupted while I was allowed to speak unhindered. It was amazing and appalling. That’s what opened my eyes.

I always believed that everyone had an equal opportunity in this country, but the new research is pointing to a darker reality, our unconscious biases. We don’t know that we score women lower than men when we rate teachers, politicians and professionals. We complement girls and women on their looks and boys and men on their success. When meeting with married couples we defer to men in decision-making, sometimes not even looking at the women in meetings. When a man is strong and aggressive we call him “a go-getter” but if a women is strong and aggressive we call her a "bitch."

Sadly I use to defend myself by saying to women that I wasn’t the enemy; I believed in equality. Now I know that is not enough. I have to believe in inequality, in the subconscious bias that our society, our world teaches us. Jan and every women deserves that from me.

So, now I’m conscious of how women are treated in the boardroom, in lines, at dinners because I’m starting to see the reality that they are not treated equally. To all the men I suggest you find a professional female colleague and follow her around for a day with open eyes and ears. You will be amazed. To all the women, I encourage you to stand up to the misogyny and help us to open our eyes.

  **the reference below is the link to Nicholas Kristoff’s NYT article that inspired this blog. He has the research on bias in his article.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/22/opinion/sunday/nicholas-kristof-straighttalk-for-white-men.html?rref=collection%2Fcolumn%2Fnicholas-kristof

The Snowflake Strategy

Snow is gently falling outside my window. For those of us in the Northeast United States this is a common occurrence this winter especially in the past month. Yet as I gaze out on the winter wonderland that blanketed the area overnight I realize something about accomplishment that snow can teach us… a little bit at a time can cover the world.

Think about the size of a snowflake. Seriously! When we imagine just a small snowflake we might think “what could this possibly amount to?” Yet when we look at drifts, blizzards and snowbound areas we see the power of massing small incidental things to create enormous effects.

Many of us have dreams, some of them big and some of them small. Yet they remain as dreams because we can’t fathom reaching the end, finishing them. They seem too insurmountable. Whether you have a project at work or at home; for your life goal or a career necessity, at times it seems impossible to start.

That’s where the beauty of a snowflake comes in. Just a small, incremental step in the direction of your goal adds up. Just a little each day (and I mean a little) can add up to amazing amounts. Whether you are writing a book and only adding a paragraph at a time, or managing a project at work and just sent the first email, the gradual culmination of small things creates big effects.

What small thing can you do today to make one tiny dent in your “to do” list? What step could you take that would get a little closer to the goal? What tiny fragment could you place in your own world, or the world at large that eventually could blanket everything?

Weather Forecast for Greatness

Doesn't weather amaze you? The variations of each day; the multitudinous minuscule changes that accompany each shift in the atmosphere. Yet underlying all of the variations is an incredible consistency that we rely on. The sun rises each morning. We rotate around it in annual patterns and mostly we can predict what will happen during the various seasons because of this consistency.

Pursuing a goal, learning a skill, or ascending to the next level in anything runs according to this pattern. Yes, we need intensity to achieve great things. But if we only rely on intensity we will burn out, give up, or frustrate ourselves eventually. We need both consistency and intensity to learn or achieve anything. However

Consistency is more important than intensity.

I've learned this important lesson many times in my life as I attempted new skills, tried to attain the next level of ability in an area, or worked to achieve a goal. I'd start with incredible intensity, work for hours in a day only to have the discarded carcasses of goals, dreams and tasks litter my little office. I'm really good at intensity... for a short period. 

Studying individuals who have succeeded in amazing ways I've noticed they start with consistency. Each day, or every other day they pursue their goal, practice their skill or chip away at their project. The consistency takes on a routine and the routine propels them to completion. It is only with the foundation of consistency that intensity works. When there are those inspired moments, when you have the time to dedicate a full day to a project, or when you are driven to complete a certain phase, that intensity only helps take the consistency to a higher level. The important thing is not to give yourself a break the next day, or the next week because you have accomplished so much. Return to your practice the next day and return to your consistency. 

Predictions in weather happen because we know averages, norms, seasonal changes and conditions that drive change. Achievement and personal greatness can also be seen the same way. Whatever you want to do, develop a consistent pattern of working at it every day or every other day. Allow the intensity to arise when it will, but return to the consistency. That pattern helps forecast your success. 

Work-Life Balance is the Holy Grail of Our Era

There is no such thing as work-life balance. There I said it and I wasn’t struck by lightning nor did the house shake. Though the inspirational-speaker-gods might be angry with me the ground did not swallow me up. The work-life balance misnomer has floated around for quite a while and it has been the cash cow for a lot of speakers, including me. Everybody seems to want to know how to find the magic balance. It is the holy grail of our era. But just like the holy grail of old, it is just a legend, a myth. It doesn’t exist.

Arianna Huffington’s Third Metric Conference recently focused on redefining success. She identifies that there needs to be a third way of defining success. She believes the first two metrics of success are money and power. Then she offers that the third metric needs to be about well-being. Reading about the conference I agreed with her up until this point. There needs to be a redefinition of success and that is great fodder for another blog. But as I read further in the article I believe the conference just made it more difficult for everybody. They said that the way to find success is to balance money, power and well-being. Okay, now they have just guaranteed that those who attended the conference and those reading about it just added tremendously to their stress level.

Work-life balance is not possible. Mathematically it is almost impossible to balance the hours in a day so that there are precisely enough for work and leisure. More importantly to separate work from life is ridiculous. Most of us have to work for a living. (Perhaps unless you are Arianna Huffington.) Work is integral to our lives. So, what do we have to do?

The challenge of work-life imbalance is stress and guilt. We spend more time on one side of the equation at the expense of the other and we feel stressed out and guilty. We believe we should be focused more on one element than the other whether it’s work or leisure. So the answer is choosing our imbalance.

Some of us actually enjoy the work we do. We are passionate about it and we gain joy in our creativity and success. Others love the power or connection their work brings. And it pulls us away from our family and loved ones. But if we choose the “work” side of the equation to focus on, and accept the fact that it will demand our time, perhaps we can relax so that when we spend the time with our loved ones, or in leisure we can savor the moment rather than feel torn about getting back to work. Or conversely, if we identify that we want to spend the majority of our time with our family and loved ones we set that expectation in our mind, work as little as we can and accept the consequences.

The challenge with work-life balance thinking is the fallacy that we can “have it all.” In reality we can’t have it all, but we can have more of what we want if we stop searching for the grail of balance and just accept whatever imbalance we choose.

STAY In Your Comfort Zone

We live in a world where change seems constant. Technology outpaces our ability to utilize it and to monitor the improper use of it. Corporations radically restructure their infrastructure, platforms and products. Even the pace of inter-generational gaps accelerates dramatically leaving us befuddled in our family or social communication. Yet, this does not mean that we, as individuals or even businesses, have to embrace the same mindset of constant change.

We hear mantras like "change or die," "think outside the box," and "get out of your comfort zone." The challenge is that these concepts are essential to technology businesses and much of the competitive core that makes us our economy. Organizations and corporations need to create, innovate and examine opportunities and weaknesses on a regular basis. Some have gone overboard and waste precious time and energy with constant hierarchical restructuring, but that is a thought for another blog. The challenge is that this "constant change" thinking affects and infects how individuals think about themselves and their work.

If something is working. If your life is going well. If you enjoy what you do and are doing it well. LEAVE IT ALONE! Yes, you continue to work on your skills or relationships to improve them, but you don't need to put change in your life for change sake. Constant change activates the emotional brain into a fight-flight-freeze response and that is the sure-fire way to kill success.

Athletes have known this for decades. When they are in the zone, when everything is going right, they don't change a thing. They use the same rituals to prepare, eat the same food, go through the same game-day routines and ride the wave of success. It is when they suspect they could improve an element of their game, or they feel something going wrong that they move to change it.

So when things at work or at home are going well; when what occupies our time also fills our soul, we need to enjoy it. That's why they call it a "comfort zone." Allowing these moments in our lives give us the energy to continue the journey and eventually reenter the maelstrom of change.

You Need A Cheering Section

There is an interesting phenomenon in sports that also speaks to achievement and success for all of us. Studying the season of any team statistics strongly point to a “home court advantage.” Any team seems to play better when the cheering section is behind them. This is so much of a factor that in basketball, the fans are often called “the sixth man” as though they played the game with the team. But what has this got to do with success and achievement?

Recently the new CEO of Yahoo rattled the working world by calling their employees back into their offices. No more tele-commuting for Yahoo. Her motives focused on the necessity of employees interacting personally to foster innovation. Studies indicate that she is right about bringing employees together. Following her lead, Best Buy and KPMG also ordered their employees back into the office.

Let’s put aside the question of flexibility and work-life balance for a minute. I’m all for flexibility and utilizing the power of technology to complete work wherever and whenever the employee can. (I’ve done some of my best projects sitting on the sand looking at the ocean.) But for a moment, let’s look at some of the positives of working together.

Alex Pentland of MIT studies the highest performing work groups and found that one of the key factors for success is physical proximity. Teams that were near each other, where they could bounce ideas off each other, meet at the water fountain, take a coffee break or lunch together were more productive and innovative. They were more successful. Pentland even found he could identify that how the employees spoke to each other; where and how they stood in proximity to each other, was indicative of how successful the work group would be.

Additionally studies in Positive Psychology indicate that the social aspect of work, just being around other people and interacting with them, can make people happier. We are social animals and we enjoy being with others. The simple affirmation of being recognized as we walk into work, or in a restaurant, or bar, elevates us for the moment as part of a hive.

But we also need to consider the “cheering section” effect. Speaking to many people about their successes in life I realize that its very difficult to “go it alone.” When there are people around who acknowledge what you’ve done, how you’ve contributed and (if applicable) how good your work is, you do better work. It’s like having a “sixth man.”

Yes, there is a freedom that technology allows us so we can work from anywhere. But what are we giving up? We are social animals. We love a hive and to be part of one. So whether your company demands employees return to the office or not, you need to design your own cheering section. Meet at Starbucks with other workers. Take a home worker out to lunch. You will be amazed at the results. And, if you are really serious about succeeding, create your own cheering section. Identify the people who will encourage and help you along the way. Nothing will stop you because you will always have the home court advantage.

Do You Feel Lucky?

"I'm a great believer in luck and I find that the harder I work the more luck I have." Thomas Jefferson.

I don't believe in luck. Well, let me amend that. I didn't believe in luck. The reason was that I wanted to believe I was in control of my present circumstances and my future success. I felt that everything that happened to me was part of my own work and preparedness. Of course, we've all heard the aphorism "luck is the intersection of opportunity and preparation." I was so immersed in this thinking that I stopped wishing people "good luck" and instead I wished them "continued success." Recently I read Great by Choice by Jim Collins where he dismisses the concept of luck being a factor in organizational success. For Collins, success is all about how organizations plan and execute on their plan.

Yet empirical evidence pulled at me. Good and bad things happen to people when other things could or should have. That is really the definition of luck; good or bad. Reading about successful people often reveals they are in the right place, at the right time. Or they happen to meet just the right person to pursue their goal. Or they accidentally discover something while working on a different project. Or they just miss the storm that capsizes everyone else while they sail on to victory. It was a factor out of their control, but they just happened to utilize it. History is filled with great individuals who were "lucky." But is that all there is to it?

 Recently Dr. Adam Grant from Wharton interviewed Michael Mauboussin about his new book, The Success Equation. Mauboussin spoke about luck being the stuff that happens around you (good and bad) over which you have no control. But what he also discovered from studying successful people is that more things go their way (luck) than individuals who are not as skilled or persistent. In other words, Thomas Jefferson could be right that the harder you work the more luck you will have.

Examining my own life I can honestly say that I've been lucky. I've met the "right" people, had the "right" interviews, pitched the "right" solution and often at just the "right" time. But usually it happened when I worked hard at success. What about you? How much has luck played a part in your life and your success? For me, I still want to do more research, but what I'm beginning to understand, as I examine my own life, is that even though I did not believe in luck, apparently luck believed in me.

Where Are Your Calluses?

I picked up my guitar yesterday. It was painful. No, not the music I tried to play, but the tips of my fingers after 30 minutes. They were killing me and I had to stop. I thought to myself "wow, it wasn't that long ago that I'd play for hours and not have a problem." Who am I kidding? It was long ago and I haven't played in years. Most important I've lost the calluses I had built up in the past and now I've got to do it all over again.

In the 13 years that we've been researching achievement and greatness there is one characteristic that continues to dominate why people are successful; hard work. Great individuals and high achievers work hard at their craft, usually much harder than anyone else in their field and that is why they achieve. Very few are the smartest, strongest, or fastest genetically. There are others who should beat them. But these individuals who succeed out-work others every time.

We live in a society that eschews dedication and hard work even as we protest that we are working too hard. We want everything quickly and easily. Immediate gratification is the order of the day. And we expect that we can have an innate talent in something so we won't sweat even as we win. That is a mindset that will defeat us eventually.

Carol Dweck has studied success for over 40 years and her recently published book, Mindset, offers interesting research indicating that how we perceive our talents and abilities can have a direct affect on our success. She identifies two different ways to think about your abilities. The fixed mindset believes that abilities or intelligence are fixed and that there is only so much that anyone has. So, if you are inherently talented in guitar, for example, you have that amount of talent. (that is not me) The growth mindset believes that all of our abilities and intelligence can be developed. The difference in the two is when they encounter challenges or hard work. The fixed mindset believes that they should easily succeed and overcome anyone or anything. That means initially they can't show anyone they are working hard and if they fail, it demoralizes them. The growth mindset however sees challenge and failure as an impetus to work harder. They eventually will succeed because they believe they learn from challenge and failure. The good news, according to Dweck, is that we can change our mindset.

So, where are your calluses? What is it that you work hard to develop, or produce and you continue day after day even in the face of challenge? Everyone of us has the potential to unleash the best of our abilities and talents, but it doesn't come in a day, a month or a year. Success is hard work. Once we embrace that mindset, we have set ourselves on the right path for personal greatness.

As for me, I'll pick up the guitar again today, even though it is painful. I've been wanting to play again for years and now is the time. I'll know I'm succeeding when the calluses develop.

Do You Learn More From Success or Failure? Think Again

Yesterday preparing for a leadership retreat we were on a conference call with the committee discussing how to set up the best learning environment and what tasks and activities to use. As a defense for a particularly difficult task someone said "we learn more from our failures than our successes." With that, everyone on the call acknowledged the truth of this statement, accepted that the challenge embedded in this one activity would be beneficial and moved on. But I've never been a big fan of old wives' tales (maybe because I'm not) and so I wondered what is the truth behind the saying.

I admit I remember my failures much more than successes. Perhaps that's because I play them over and over in my mind. I think I'm hoping for a different ending. But one thing I know is that I examine every detail of what happened to ensure I won't fail in that way again. Because of my reply it does seem that I learn more from my failures because I pay attention to them more than my success. But what does research say about learning more from failure.

It seems that the belief is false. We learn more from success than we do from failure. Yep, so I apologize to the old wives who believed this. In 2009 MIT studied how the brain processes success and failure. Essentially when we finish a task signal neurons send information to brain cells informing them of the success or failure. The difference is that when we succeed at the task researchers discovered that the signals last significantly longer, are stronger and actually change brain cells so we are more likely to succeed the next time. When we fail at the task the signals are weak and don't change the brain cells at all. Of course more research is necessary to determine if there is a different signal if the success or failure is life threatening, but the initial research points to success as the greater learning tool.

So why does the old theory persist? Because similar to me, many of us focus much more on our failures. We replay them over and over to make sure we learn from them. Yet interestingly, do you ever find yourself making the same mistakes over and over again? I know I do. Now I know why. My brain isn't changing after a failure.

What we need to do is start dealing with our success differently. If it is the better learning tool, we need to replay the successes in our heads to see what we've learned. That will implant the new behavior faster than failure and we will remember it more.

So the next time you succeed, enjoy the moment. Replay it in your head and think of how you did it differently and what you learned. You are programming your brain to do it right the next time and you are more likely to remember it. And perhaps along the way we can change an old wives' tale.

Lessons Learned While Cooking

Last night I cooked dinner. I call it "Pasta Rustica" which is basically onions, garlic, capers, red pepper flakes and tomatoes thrown over linguine. For a change I threw in bacon.(It wasn't too bad) So what, you might say. Well a couple of years ago I would not have attempted any kind of cooking. Why? Because I had learned to be helpless in the kitchen. My concern is that our society is moving in the direction of helplessness in many ways. But a little more about my lesson.

I've had two incredible models for cooking in my life, my mother and my partner. Both of them in their own way can enter a kitchen and come out with some amazing food. The know the difference between turmeric and cumin seed while I just know how to spell the words. They put in a pinch of this and a dab of that. After a life of seeing this I was incredibly intimidated. I thought I'd never be able to cook like them so I didn't cook at all. I had given into learned helplessness. Learned helplessness is when you believe or have been told that someone else can do it better, quicker and more professionally than you. After a while it is easier and less intimidating to just let them do it. And that's just what I did. I didn't even try because I believed it would never be as good.

Recently in our society the temptations to fall into learned helplessness are greater. We have experts in almost everything that we can call on to do the work. We have "super nannies" to tell us how to raise children, we have "super chefs" who make a gourmet meal in 30 minutes and then get "chopped" because they forgot a garnish. We have life coaches and consultants because they supposedly help us make better decisions. Some of them make the decisions for us and we are weaker for it. We have party planners and designers because they have a "better eye" than we do. Really?

Sometimes it is convenient to hire others to do things around the house, or assist us in moving something along. But are we giving our lives away? There is something gratifying about seeing your own handiwork, or making your own decision and living with it. It might not be perfect, but it's yours. When I cook, sometimes I'm not sure what's gonna happen, but it just feels good to do it.

So pick some area you'd like to try. Maybe cooking, writing, wallpapering a room. Yep, educate yourself the best you can, but then be your own coach and walk through it. The feeling of accomplishment is amazing. And bring a sense of humor. Failure is not only an option, but it actually helps because you realize you can fail and the whole world does not fall apart.

Experts are fine and coaches help lots of people. However we have to find a balance where the life we live is ours and not some TV show version. Trying something and working through it creates a wonderful sense of ownership and helps us appreciate that we have the skills to success. (it's called self-efficacy). As for me, right now I'm gonna make breakfast.

Be Like Michelangelo

As little children we are allowed to indulge our fantasies. We "play" astronaut, lawyer, doctor, businessperson, actor and try on various occupations at our whim. We dream of accepting the Nobel Prize for peace, or literature and believe we can make a difference in the world. Even to a certain point, adults indulge us and ask, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" and then they usually smile at our innocence. Then reality hits. We somehow learn to believe we are much like other children, not special and without extraordinary talents or abilities. School and interaction with our peers reinforces the sad result of standing out or being different, so many of us learn to blend in with the crowd. Imagine the gifts and talents that are lost or underused.


Michelangelo once said "the greater danger for most us of lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short, but in setting our aim to low and achieving our mark." Perhaps the challenge is that we worry about the falling short, or the failure. Yet in reality our lives are richer when we strive for difficult achievements whether they are personal changes or to help others. Each day becomes valuable for as much as we can move toward something larger than ourselves. So it does not benefit us to "settle" but rather to have fun seeing what we are capable of doing. 


Admittedly, it's easier to "settle" and just get through life. Still it pales in comparison to lives lived in pursuit of a loftier goal. That goal might not include the Nobel Prize, but it could mean being the best parent, boss, co-worker that we are capable of being. We might set a goal to write a novel, or book of poetry or to speak in front of a group of people. Perhaps we might win the Pulitzer Prize, or not. Does it matter? No, even the striving will enrich our lives. 


The choice of how we live and experience our lives is up to us. There is no one else around to ask, "what do  you want to be when you grow up?" So, look into the mirror and ask yourself that question, then set your sights high. The journey is worth it.

Do You Own Your Life?

"What we say and what we do ultimately comes back to us so let us own our responsibility, place it in our hands, and carry it with dignity and strength."  Gloria Anzaldua


I discovered this quote as I researched a workshop I'm facilitating tomorrow on personal greatness. This quote sums up the pivotal point of achievement and personal greatness. We have to own it. In all of the study we've done over the past decade we can't move past this moment as the key to utilizing all of the resources and capabilities each person has. Living in a place where you believe you determine how you act, what gifts you bring to each moment and how you act moment to moment transforms you. It is the ultimate individuality, the ultimate courage and the ultimate risk, because standing alone in who you are and what you choose to do, you accept the reality that there is no one else to blame, no one else to pass the buck. You stand and are counted as an individual with all of the responsibilities, all the blame and all of the praise.

Of course we work with others and many times achievements are joint projects, yet the group cannot achieve if each member does not bring the best gifts and talents they have each and every day. Where there is synergy, you can feel the energy pulsing between members of a high achieving group. But you cannot control, demand or blame others for not bringing their best. You can only control yourself. That is one of the first principles of ownership.

The other factor about ownership is that you are always, everywhere totally free to choose how you will act and think. Though there may be forces which compel you to act certain ways, you are still free to decide how you will act and think. Sometimes your actions will be in accord with society, your peers and friends and common consensus. However there are times when you are compelled to think differently, act independently, and stand your ground  realizing you have to accept the responsibility of your actions.

Of course then, there is no blame. Individuals who succeed rarely spend time and energy pointing to others as to why they cannot succeed. They don't blame their parents, siblings, social status, country, education, or bosses as barriers to what they hope to achieve. They identify what they can control and work within that limitation to the best of their ability. That's how they lift themselves above their situations and succeed.

There is no greater feeling than to accept that you are totally in charge of your life. It is also a frightening feeling, because there is no one else to point to for failure. But taking the reins of your life and steering where you want to go, becoming the person you want to become and moving toward your destiny is a heady experience. It is ownership at it's best. Own your life and carry it with dignity.

Greatness is Like Going To The Dentist?

Okay, I spent this morning at the dentist. Nothing bad, just a cleaning and checkup that I'd put off for a little over a year. Gratefully, the results were good and there is nothing out of the ordinary, so I'm off the hook for at least 6 months. But while in the dentist chair I was thinking about some shocking statistics I heard recently. Apparently the number of cavities, root canals, even crowns and dental surgery has skyrocketed in the past year. What was most shocking was that it is occuring to young children. The researchers traced one of the causes back to lack of desire on parents part to subject their children to regular brushing because "the children didn't like doing it." Though I'm not a parent, I'm concerned.

Growing up many of us learned the lessons of perseverence because we were encouraged to work for something if we really wanted it. We learned to be happy with the struggle because at the end of it, we would be rewarded with the prize we worked so hard to achieve. Whether it was purchasing a guitar, making a spot on a team, studying to make the honor roll, we embraced the concept that hard work paid off. Psychologists call it "delayed gratification" or if you look at in in terms of perseverence, they call it "grit." Sadly we are quickly becoming a society where happiness and wellbeing is so highly prized at every moment that there is little attention paid to the necessity of long, hard struggle to achieve something worthwhile. Or, ideally, to enjoy the struggle because it means that in the end, you will succeed.

Over the 12 years spent studying personal greatness, I'm always impressed with the fortitude of those who continue practicing, striving, fighting to attain something they really want, and I'm fearful we are creating a society where that characteristic will be a rareity. Recently I'm started setting tough goals for myself once again and going after them. Why? Because I've realized how much I've been seduced into selecting happiness in the moment rather than struggling for something really worthwhile.

Think about it for yourself. What are you striving for that might take time, sweat, and maybe tears, but you will be grateful when you've done it? That one goal might change your life or just the process will make you a healthier, happier person. Going to the dentist is not fun, but I'm healthier for it and probably in the long run I will be happier.

The Affliction of Certainty

The day started very simply. We asked the 23 leaders arranged at four tables to dialogue about what the opening time should be for a new tourist attraction. Seems simple? But the exercise launched a day of innovation and change that challenged everyone in the room, including me. The most important attitude highlighted in the day is to be curious, not certain.

As adults most of us move into the day, the workplace,  or our vocation with the affliction that we are supposed to know what we are doing. Okay, I'm being a little factitious here but we are afflicted with the "certainty" bug. This is the attitude that we think we need to project that we know what we are doing and we have the answers we need to proceed with our work, art, etc. This attitude is important to achieve something in the day, however it inhibits growth, learning, and moving toward personal greatness.

Curiosity is an attitude which allows us to move through the day with a mind open to new ideas and suggestions. We treat the world as a place to garner new ideas and thoughts to propel us to breakthroughs in our work and leisure. Without curiosity we tend to repeat the same behaviors over and over again and never get new results. We imprison ourselves in our own thinking without examining it from another's viewpoint and we never open up to the possibilities that new ideas might present to us.

Just try today being more curious about the world around you, about your work, about your artistry. You will find that others share some of the same challenges you do, but might have very clever ways of overcoming the challenges. Or, as the leaders in our program yesterday learned, by being curious they surfaced new ways of moving through challenges or toward opportunities. All they had to do was let go of the affliction of certainty.

Baseball and Mental Models

Last night I finally saw the movie "Money Ball." Briefly the movie is about a baseball manager who learns to think about baseball differently than just getting superstars on the field, and his new ideas, though successful, are  tossed aside by many people. But it is about more than just baseball, it is about greatness. At one point the general manager, Billy Beane, says to his managers "innovate or die." Well, it's not quite as drastic as that, but many times in order to succeed, we have to change and it is not easy.

Many of us attain a level of success in our endeavors by doing what has always been done in our field, whether its art, science, athletics, literature, etc. However we can become stuck in our way of doing things by falling into the trap of believing there is no other way to achieve success. We become wedded to our "mental models." Mental models is a concept promoted by Kenneth Craik in the 1940's which held that we create our own mental models of how the world works, how we interact with others, how we do business etc., through our experiences. These models contain our belief of how things should proceed in our world. However mental models can become outdated. The famous quote that "everything that can be invented, has been invented" was stated just before the industrial revolution. Wow, talk about a wrong mental model.

The importance of mental models is primarily recognizing our own and occasionally challenging them. Breaking through to a new level rarely occurs by doing the same thing. In order for the breakthrough to occur, you have to do something different, or examine your worldview  and choose to see things differently. That takes discipline and courage.

In Money Ball, Billy Beane learns to view the world of major league baseball in a totally different way. He encounters a lot of opposition, because he is also challenging the mental model of others, but succeeds in changing the way the business is perceived. What mental model do you need to challenge?

First Thing In The Morning

W.C. Fields apparently once quipped "Smile first thing in the morning and get it over with." The legendary curmudgeon was actually giving bad advice. There are studies that indicate that if you smile first thing in the morning, you will smile more often during the day and you will have a better day. Though I haven't come across any studies which indicate that this reality translates to forming new habits, I'm finding it true.

 I'm finding creative meditation and writing first thing in the morning is affecting my whole day. Yes, I am finding that the meditation makes me more focused, but I'm speaking about the feeling of completion and success that carries me through the day. Whatever you want your new habit to be, if you accomplish even a little of it first thing in the morning it spurs you on through the day. What I'm also discovering is that it is encouraging me to write more at later times in the day. I have more ideas and more drive to accomplish the other writing I want to do. So, even if you are not a "morning person" accomplishing your new habit first thing in the morning starts to build your self-efficacy and you potentially accomplish more during the day.

 Or, if you can't accomplish anything else in the morning, look in the mirror and smile. At least that will make the day better.

There's Got To Be a Morning After

Keeping healthy has been a life-long activity. But now that I'm 54 it takes on added importance and added challenge. I'm no olympic athlete, and not even a top amateur, but I'm consistent in my physical pursuits whether basketball, tennis, biking or running. What I've learned from great individuals is that they are consistent about practice and performance no matter what their area of focus. But sometimes it's just hard.

Yesterday I spent 7 hours cleaning out my basement. We rented a dumpster and loaded in all of the crap that had been left by the previous owners; doors, old wood, windows and much more. We filled the dumpster in one day! Okay, then comes this morning. Getting out of bed I could hardly move. I thought about running and thought "no way." But finally I put on my sneakers and said to myself, "at least go for a good walk." About halfway through the walk I felt limber enough that I started running. I was surprised at how good I felt afterward.

What I've learned is that if you want to be great, heck, if you even just want to be good, consistency matters. But what really helps is to do something, anything, that moves you toward whatever you want to be good at. And, let's face it, for all of us there are those mornings when we don't feel like doing anything. But you know what? Lace up the sneakers, pick up the pen, sit down at the piano and just start. Even doing a little will make you feel much better and you will be better for it.

Time to Stop Making New Year's Resolutions

Maybe I’m wrong. Okay, that’s not easy for me to admit. But for years I’ve been badgering people to create specific, short term goals to carry them to success especially at the New Year. Why? Because that’s what I do; that’s what works for me. Reading the research I’ve helped individuals create goals have been driven from what they wanted (intrinsic) and not what others wanted for them (extrinsic). I’ve helped them create benchmarks along the way to celebrate success and see that they are achieving their goals. And yes, some of them achieve their goals… only about 10 percent.

Over the past two weeks before and since the New Year, I can’t tell you how many articles I’ve read about goal setting and the optimal way to succeed and achieve your goals. But my experience has been that by March most people can’t even remember the New Year’s goals they set, let alone achieved them. So, I researched how many people actually achieve the goals they write down. In all of the studies I read, it runs between 8 and 12 percent. Even on the high side that leaves a supposed 88 percent who aren’t achieving their goals. That’s when I thought, perhaps I’m wrong.

For those of us who love lists and goals to cross off, the concept of a New Year’s Resolution is perfect. We make our lists, and create attainable goals and cross them off as we achieve them. However, we are only a small percentage of the population. Yet with 88 percent of the population not achieving their New Year’s goals the world does not come to a stand-still. People go to work, are productive, get raises, raise children, buy houses and achieve things. What are they doing if they are not writing lists? That is the key to understanding success.

I’m discovering that some people, to achieve a goal, have to take the time and identify what they love about something they want to achieve. When they do so, they find that the achievement almost takes care of itself; they love working toward success. Still some people succeed when they have others joining them in the achievement, even just to cheer them on. They like accountability to others and want to talk about where they are on their journey and what the challenges and success are. Still others are happy to move in a general direction, i.e., moving up the corporate ladder or raising a family, and are very adept at dealing with the next stage of their overarching goal. Everyone is different in how they approach achievement and there is no magic on New Year’s Day that makes resolutions automatically come true.

The most important question is how do you succeed? Think of a time when you wanted to achieve something and you did. What did you do? How did you motivate yourself? What did you do to get through the difficult times? Because I’m convinced that success for many people is not just about creating goals, but identifying how you personally have achieved success in the past and applying the same personal process in the future.