Yesterday I was nudged to buy a pair of pants. Yep, I went into a store, found a pair of pants and went to the dressing room to try them on. Turning to hang them up in the dressing room I noticed a sign above a hook. It read "definitely." Turning around I saw another hook on the other side that read "possibly." The store was nudging shoppers to purchase more through the use of the signs.
A couple of years ago I read the book Nudge by Richard Thaler and Cass Sunstein about improving decision making by understanding how we choose. They opine the idea that we can allow people freedom, but make it more likely they will choose the better option if we give them a nudge. There are some interesting moral implications raised in the book, but I'll leave that for you to read.
What struck me yesterday from my shopping experience and as I remembered some of the research in Nudge was the possibility of using techniques to nudge us toward greatness. Some of the most difficult challenges are overcome by changing habits and the key is to make things easy.
For example, I have a salt tooth. I love salty food, and yet I know too much is not healthy for me. I've also discovered that if there is fresh fruit cut up and easily available in bite-sized chunks, I will eat them just as readily. So, placing the cut up fruit within easy access and not purchasing the chips nudges me toward healthier eating. Another experiment I'm trying as a writer is turning off my computer each night so it won't be on in the morning. On my desk are paper and pen (I do all my original writing long-hand) so that the first thing I nudge myself to do is sit and write not browse the Internet.
Where do you need a nudge? Think of how you might position what you need so it is in easy access or the first thing you see. You are more likely to do what you want and need to do if you nudge yourself in that direction.
Moving toward personal greatness requires an awareness of the small steps that propel us everyday. Changing one small step allows us to progress further on the journey to our own personal greatness. Positive nudges help. Oh, and I did buy that pair of pants. It was definitely a good choice.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Being a Great Friend
"Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.” Mark Twain
After reading this quote a few days ago (a friend posted it on Facebook) we've reflected on how true this is. New research is indicating that our friends can influence us to be happier or more miserable, healthier or fatter, so why wouldn't it be true that they could, simply by social pressure, either help us to achieve our greatness or influence us to give up?
If we were focusing on the negative we would talk about "defriending" all of those acquaintances that put us down or "belittle our ambitions" as Mark Twain said. However, rather than focus on the negative, we'd prefer to focus on finding and/or becoming those types of friends who help others achieve greatness. And so we want to identify the qualities of friends who assist us in our greatness journey.
Primarily these friends encourage the growth and development of the unconventional thinking that leads to greatness. Rather than correcting or admonishing new thinking, these friends encourage it.
Also, when we propose a new thought, a breakthrough, a new discovery, or just the next level in our journey a good friend does not attack or undermine us, but congratulates us and asks us to tell them about it. (It is a skill called Active Constructive Responding - more info at Positive Psychology News Daily).
Yet the greatest skill of true friends is that they challenge us to go further in our idea, goal, or work. Gently they provide encouragement by pushing and prodding us to continue on our journey. And they journey with us as much as possible to help us through the difficult times.
Whether you are looking for true friends, or trying to be a good friend, these are the qualities that encourage greatness in others. Remember Mark Twain is right, "the really great make you believe that you too can be great".
After reading this quote a few days ago (a friend posted it on Facebook) we've reflected on how true this is. New research is indicating that our friends can influence us to be happier or more miserable, healthier or fatter, so why wouldn't it be true that they could, simply by social pressure, either help us to achieve our greatness or influence us to give up?
If we were focusing on the negative we would talk about "defriending" all of those acquaintances that put us down or "belittle our ambitions" as Mark Twain said. However, rather than focus on the negative, we'd prefer to focus on finding and/or becoming those types of friends who help others achieve greatness. And so we want to identify the qualities of friends who assist us in our greatness journey.
Primarily these friends encourage the growth and development of the unconventional thinking that leads to greatness. Rather than correcting or admonishing new thinking, these friends encourage it.
Also, when we propose a new thought, a breakthrough, a new discovery, or just the next level in our journey a good friend does not attack or undermine us, but congratulates us and asks us to tell them about it. (It is a skill called Active Constructive Responding - more info at Positive Psychology News Daily).
Yet the greatest skill of true friends is that they challenge us to go further in our idea, goal, or work. Gently they provide encouragement by pushing and prodding us to continue on our journey. And they journey with us as much as possible to help us through the difficult times.
Whether you are looking for true friends, or trying to be a good friend, these are the qualities that encourage greatness in others. Remember Mark Twain is right, "the really great make you believe that you too can be great".
Monday, August 9, 2010
Groundhog Day
Many of us experience the reality of doing the same work, task, sales pitch over and over. Currently I'm heading north to facilitate the same workshop I've lead at least 3 times a day for most of the summer. Yes, there is something to be said for repetition creating predictable, repeatable success, but after a while you have to wonder how to be great every time when you not even sure if your repeating yourself. Yet greatness unveils itself in how we ritualize success yet keep our work fresh.
Bill Murray starred in “Groundhog Day” and whether you enjoyed it or not, there are some personal greatness lessons to be learned from the film. In the film Murray keeps living the same day, Groundhog Day, over and over again ostensibly until he gets it right. But it is a good analogy of how great individuals continue to excel by fixing their mistakes, capitalizing on success and keeping things fresh.
Fix your mistakes. One of the keys to success is to realize how an action, a comment, a decision hindered the process. Identify the mistake and correct it. But don't spend too much time on this. This is where most people get stuck. Fix it and move on.
Capitalize on your successes. If you do something repetitively, experts point out that you need to debrief your success more than your failure. If you have an unexpected success one of the many times you perform a task, take the time to think about what was different and memorize it so you can repeat it next time. Create your own predictable, repeatable success.
Freshen things up. Seems like this contradicts the previous suggestion especially once you've got things going well, but the reality is that you need to continuously inject new energy into what you do. Finding ways to freshen things up helps you approach the same task differently. Some writers move their desk so they will have a different perspective. Actors focus on a different aspect of their character to enhance the role. Facilitators draw participants into the discussion to engender different dialogue. Even musicians change up their performance to enhance both their enjoyment as well as that of the audience.
Personal greatness is a complex balance between repetition and ingenuity. Examining what you do, creating predictable repeatable success, and then allowing it to evolve not only keeps your actions fresh, it allows development even in those tasks you do over and over again. Since for some of us every day is Groundhog Day, wouldn't it be great if it just keeps getting better.
Bill Murray starred in “Groundhog Day” and whether you enjoyed it or not, there are some personal greatness lessons to be learned from the film. In the film Murray keeps living the same day, Groundhog Day, over and over again ostensibly until he gets it right. But it is a good analogy of how great individuals continue to excel by fixing their mistakes, capitalizing on success and keeping things fresh.
Fix your mistakes. One of the keys to success is to realize how an action, a comment, a decision hindered the process. Identify the mistake and correct it. But don't spend too much time on this. This is where most people get stuck. Fix it and move on.
Capitalize on your successes. If you do something repetitively, experts point out that you need to debrief your success more than your failure. If you have an unexpected success one of the many times you perform a task, take the time to think about what was different and memorize it so you can repeat it next time. Create your own predictable, repeatable success.
Freshen things up. Seems like this contradicts the previous suggestion especially once you've got things going well, but the reality is that you need to continuously inject new energy into what you do. Finding ways to freshen things up helps you approach the same task differently. Some writers move their desk so they will have a different perspective. Actors focus on a different aspect of their character to enhance the role. Facilitators draw participants into the discussion to engender different dialogue. Even musicians change up their performance to enhance both their enjoyment as well as that of the audience.
Personal greatness is a complex balance between repetition and ingenuity. Examining what you do, creating predictable repeatable success, and then allowing it to evolve not only keeps your actions fresh, it allows development even in those tasks you do over and over again. Since for some of us every day is Groundhog Day, wouldn't it be great if it just keeps getting better.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Triathlon: Dream it, Plan it, Achieve it.
Two years ago I stood on the Asbury Park boardwalk and watched in amazement as athletes young and old swam, biked and ran through a grueling triathlon. I was awestruck as I thought of the time and energy it took every participant to even complete the event. Though it was not the "ironman" event we see on tv, it was enough to leave me cheering for every athlete as they made their way to the finish line.
Dream it. From that moment, each time I saw runners on the boardwalk, or bikes speeding by me, or swimmers in the swells off the beach I wondered what that feeling was like. What was it like to push yourself farther than you ever thought? I dreamt of running a triathlon. But dreams can either be the illusions of unfulfilled hopes or the springboards for reality. By allowing myself to dream I planted the seeds that would grow to fruition. Because dreaming is only the beginning. Success depends on what we do with our dreams.
Plan it. Earlier this year, Jan, my business partner, saw that there was going to be a woman's triathlon in Asbury Park in August. I've always encouraged Jan and immediately told her I would be her coach for the event. She countered by suggesting "You always are willing to work out to support someone else. Why don't you see if there is a triathlon and do it yourself?" I found the Metroman Triathlon and took a week to finally sign up. Now I was committed. Yet planning is always difficult. I had tons of excuses between my business and my life why I could not train for the event. But I made as much time as I could, planning it out carefully to ensure I could finish the event.
A good friend, Brendan, chose to run it with me and he "planned" through incredible research about things we needed to know to run a triathlon. We planned nutrition, exercise, stretching, strength training. Planning does not just encompass the event, but all of the other parts.
Achieve it. July 18th dawned bright and hot. Even the water was 78 degrees. More than anything else I was conscious of enjoying the event. So often we prepare for a day only to have the day speed by without us being conscious of it. I remember the swim even in the heavy swells, the joy of coming ashore. I laughed at the reality of trying to pull on a tight shirt over a wet torso and jumping on my bike. And I remember the grind of the last mile run when I wanted to give up. But I achieved it.
There is nothing that can't be accomplished through that simple three step process. But it all starts with the dreaming. So, what are you dreaming about?
Dream it. From that moment, each time I saw runners on the boardwalk, or bikes speeding by me, or swimmers in the swells off the beach I wondered what that feeling was like. What was it like to push yourself farther than you ever thought? I dreamt of running a triathlon. But dreams can either be the illusions of unfulfilled hopes or the springboards for reality. By allowing myself to dream I planted the seeds that would grow to fruition. Because dreaming is only the beginning. Success depends on what we do with our dreams.
Plan it. Earlier this year, Jan, my business partner, saw that there was going to be a woman's triathlon in Asbury Park in August. I've always encouraged Jan and immediately told her I would be her coach for the event. She countered by suggesting "You always are willing to work out to support someone else. Why don't you see if there is a triathlon and do it yourself?" I found the Metroman Triathlon and took a week to finally sign up. Now I was committed. Yet planning is always difficult. I had tons of excuses between my business and my life why I could not train for the event. But I made as much time as I could, planning it out carefully to ensure I could finish the event.
A good friend, Brendan, chose to run it with me and he "planned" through incredible research about things we needed to know to run a triathlon. We planned nutrition, exercise, stretching, strength training. Planning does not just encompass the event, but all of the other parts.
Achieve it. July 18th dawned bright and hot. Even the water was 78 degrees. More than anything else I was conscious of enjoying the event. So often we prepare for a day only to have the day speed by without us being conscious of it. I remember the swim even in the heavy swells, the joy of coming ashore. I laughed at the reality of trying to pull on a tight shirt over a wet torso and jumping on my bike. And I remember the grind of the last mile run when I wanted to give up. But I achieved it.
There is nothing that can't be accomplished through that simple three step process. But it all starts with the dreaming. So, what are you dreaming about?
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Making the Most of the Waves
With waves breaking over my head, I fought back panic. Glancing to my left, the shore seemed too far away to make it. I thought how ironic it would be if I drowned. Then I consciously slowed my breathing and heart rate. It took a few minutes, but I regained the calm I needed to complete my swim and I learned an important lesson in my journey to personal greatness.
I've never done a triathlon in my life, never participated in a road race since I was 25, never swam in competition and I gave up running over five years ago. Yet, I find myself entering my first sprint triathlon and facing the joy and pain of preparing for it. The most challenging part is the ocean swim. A little under half a mile, the swim runs along the New Jersey coast line next to Asbury Park. A little over a week ago I was swimming in rough surf when I learned my lesson.
At first the waves just seemed like a nuisance. Little by little they began chipping away at my confidence. Was I a little too far out from shore? Did I over-estimate the distance I could safely swim? Would I make it? After a series of three waves broke over my head just as I was trying to breathe I felt the first hint of panic. My heart started pounding. I cursed the relentless waves and pushed against them with all my might. But I knew one thing, I was losing the battle. That's when I chose to breathe deeply and calm myself. Immediately I realized that I could create a rhythm with my strokes that matched the waves. I surfaced for air in the troughs. Wonderfully as I made my turn to swim south again I realized that now the waves were aiding me. Though I would make two more "laps" I was fine.
Anytime we strive to accomplish something waves of opposition will impede us. Whether from others, organizations, the world around us, or even ourselves. Somehow parts of life resist change. My normal response is to fight as hard as I can against the waves as I did in the ocean. But perhaps I've learned my lesson. Rather than initially push harder against the waves of opposition, the next time I might just take a deep breath and learn their rhythm to see if I can move more efficiently through them.
Let's face it, there will always be waves when we strive to accomplish new things, or change our own life. Sometimes those waves will be larger than others, but they will be there nonetheless. The success of our lives, our personal growth and endeavors will depend on how we handle the waves. Cursing the waves doesn't help (though it might feel momentarily comforting), I'm learning from them and finding a way through them to my goals. Give it a try, the water's fine.
I've never done a triathlon in my life, never participated in a road race since I was 25, never swam in competition and I gave up running over five years ago. Yet, I find myself entering my first sprint triathlon and facing the joy and pain of preparing for it. The most challenging part is the ocean swim. A little under half a mile, the swim runs along the New Jersey coast line next to Asbury Park. A little over a week ago I was swimming in rough surf when I learned my lesson.
At first the waves just seemed like a nuisance. Little by little they began chipping away at my confidence. Was I a little too far out from shore? Did I over-estimate the distance I could safely swim? Would I make it? After a series of three waves broke over my head just as I was trying to breathe I felt the first hint of panic. My heart started pounding. I cursed the relentless waves and pushed against them with all my might. But I knew one thing, I was losing the battle. That's when I chose to breathe deeply and calm myself. Immediately I realized that I could create a rhythm with my strokes that matched the waves. I surfaced for air in the troughs. Wonderfully as I made my turn to swim south again I realized that now the waves were aiding me. Though I would make two more "laps" I was fine.
Anytime we strive to accomplish something waves of opposition will impede us. Whether from others, organizations, the world around us, or even ourselves. Somehow parts of life resist change. My normal response is to fight as hard as I can against the waves as I did in the ocean. But perhaps I've learned my lesson. Rather than initially push harder against the waves of opposition, the next time I might just take a deep breath and learn their rhythm to see if I can move more efficiently through them.
Let's face it, there will always be waves when we strive to accomplish new things, or change our own life. Sometimes those waves will be larger than others, but they will be there nonetheless. The success of our lives, our personal growth and endeavors will depend on how we handle the waves. Cursing the waves doesn't help (though it might feel momentarily comforting), I'm learning from them and finding a way through them to my goals. Give it a try, the water's fine.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Nike is right!
As a writer I spend enormous amounts of time chewing on pens, pacing floors and sitting frozen with my hands extended over the keyboard. Anyone who has written knows the paralysis before writing. You attempt to discern the perfect topic, the perfect tone, the perfect point of view and you become frozen. A long time ago I received the best advice; just start writing, it will come. Now I realize that wisdom works in many ways toward greatness.
The key to any success, any endeavor is starting. I've long lost count of the individuals who tell me they have the great American novel, newest business idea, or are committing again to get in shape, and yet they haven't taken a step. Many of them won't. And it is not that they aren't committed or sincerely want to succeed. It just seems too overwhelming.
The other foe that has to be encountered is our inner negative voice. We come up with excuse after excuse, or very sincere, well-thought out reasons to avoid the challenge. Sometimes it is fear of success or failure, but mostly valid reasons keep us from pursuing our greatness today. Tomorrow after all is still a possibility in our reasoning.
The problem is that we allow these reasons and postponements to fool us into believing that eventually we will get around to our goal. I can't speak for you, but time seems to move rather quickly these days and all of a sudden I'm looking back at the end of another month, year or decade.
"Just do it" Nike proposes. There is sense in that axiom. When we jump in we find our equilibrium rather quickly. We realize that our task is not as difficult as we thought. There is also good research that early success (completing a small task or part of a project) will spur us on to continue.
So, jump in. If your fingers are poised over the keyboard, put them down and write. If you are waiting to start that business, write the plan. If you are getting in shape, walk to store to buy sneakers. But do something!! Because the worst regret in life is "I could have..."
The key to any success, any endeavor is starting. I've long lost count of the individuals who tell me they have the great American novel, newest business idea, or are committing again to get in shape, and yet they haven't taken a step. Many of them won't. And it is not that they aren't committed or sincerely want to succeed. It just seems too overwhelming.
The other foe that has to be encountered is our inner negative voice. We come up with excuse after excuse, or very sincere, well-thought out reasons to avoid the challenge. Sometimes it is fear of success or failure, but mostly valid reasons keep us from pursuing our greatness today. Tomorrow after all is still a possibility in our reasoning.
The problem is that we allow these reasons and postponements to fool us into believing that eventually we will get around to our goal. I can't speak for you, but time seems to move rather quickly these days and all of a sudden I'm looking back at the end of another month, year or decade.
"Just do it" Nike proposes. There is sense in that axiom. When we jump in we find our equilibrium rather quickly. We realize that our task is not as difficult as we thought. There is also good research that early success (completing a small task or part of a project) will spur us on to continue.
So, jump in. If your fingers are poised over the keyboard, put them down and write. If you are waiting to start that business, write the plan. If you are getting in shape, walk to store to buy sneakers. But do something!! Because the worst regret in life is "I could have..."
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Take a Day Off
I can still hear the brogue, rough and smooth at the same time. "Take a day off" my grandfather would often say. Yet he, Patrick O'Connor, was one of the hardest workers I've ever seen. Clearly he knew the reality of balance and his wisdom is essential in our 24/7 environment.
Technology pushes us to be constantly present. Reports of people sleeping with their PDAs by them on the pillow is not uncommon. As technology allows us to stray from the office, simultaneously it binds us to our work late into the evening and on weekends. There is a societal expectation of immediate response to a text or email and often if we don't respond immediately the person will call to find out why we did not answer. This is not healthy especially when trying to unleash personal greatness. Why?
Without the mental and physical down-time there is no rejuvenation. We need time away both mentally and physically to allow our bodies and minds the rest they deserve. Beside, though we think we will accomplish more as we toil away 24/7 it is simply not true. We are less creative, vulnerable to stress, and gradually unable to function.
Simply taking 20 minutes at lunch to GET AWAY from your desk can drive more productivity in the afternoon. But taking a full day off, to most of us that is not possible. Yet, taking time to be quiet, to think, to rest is one of the most powerful, productive strategies we can employ. It is in those moments that new ideas blossom, relationships develop and the body replenishes. It's not easy. I know. But over the past month I've explored taking quiet time in the morning, before turning on the computer, my PDA, or reading the news. Creative ideas came in those early hours, along with some necessary soul searching.
My grandfather was right. Take a day off. It will do you good; body, mind and soul.
Technology pushes us to be constantly present. Reports of people sleeping with their PDAs by them on the pillow is not uncommon. As technology allows us to stray from the office, simultaneously it binds us to our work late into the evening and on weekends. There is a societal expectation of immediate response to a text or email and often if we don't respond immediately the person will call to find out why we did not answer. This is not healthy especially when trying to unleash personal greatness. Why?
Without the mental and physical down-time there is no rejuvenation. We need time away both mentally and physically to allow our bodies and minds the rest they deserve. Beside, though we think we will accomplish more as we toil away 24/7 it is simply not true. We are less creative, vulnerable to stress, and gradually unable to function.
Simply taking 20 minutes at lunch to GET AWAY from your desk can drive more productivity in the afternoon. But taking a full day off, to most of us that is not possible. Yet, taking time to be quiet, to think, to rest is one of the most powerful, productive strategies we can employ. It is in those moments that new ideas blossom, relationships develop and the body replenishes. It's not easy. I know. But over the past month I've explored taking quiet time in the morning, before turning on the computer, my PDA, or reading the news. Creative ideas came in those early hours, along with some necessary soul searching.
My grandfather was right. Take a day off. It will do you good; body, mind and soul.
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