My parents always told me "choose your friends carefully." Of course they were worried about my reputation being sullied. (Funny that they never worried about that happening to my friends). But the choice of who we hang around is an important factor to how we react to life and it even affects our ability to think clearly.
Have you ever been around people who just constantly complain? Well, other than giving you a horrible headache it's bad for your health, your mental health that is. Apparently researchers have found that when you listen to too much negativity you are inclined to act that way. The negative stimuli acts on the brain which responds like a muscle. Fight it as much as you can, but after 30 minutes of complaining, you are much more likely to act the same way.
And it gets worse. What researchers also discovered is that when you listen to too much negativity it actually affects the hippocampus (the part of the brain necessary for problem solving) and it strips away neurons. So, after hearing all of the problems someone has, you are less equipped to help them.
Of course we have to care for people and that means listening to their problems. However, when the other person doesn't look for solutions, or all they do is complain the best thing you can do is either shut them up, or get away from them. Seriously, they are bad for your mental health.
So, after reading this research I didn't really believe it. Okay, I thought it was funny, but is it really true that negative stimuli affect the brain? Dr. Barbara Fredrickson and others published a study in 2010 that showed the negative spiral that occurs through depression and other psychologically negative states. Then based on neuroscience they created positive interventions of meditation and positive affect that reversed the negative spirals and created positive spirals.
This is where it comes down to choice. All of us can create a "family of choice." People who we like and who support us and provide positive affirmation. I know that there are some reading this who are thinking "but he doesn't understand, I'm stuck with ......" Hey, all of us have choices. Similar to choosing or not choosing that extra order of fries and affecting our health, this choice can affect our mental health and our behavior.
Surrounding yourself with individuals who are more positive, upbeat and are willing to listen only so long to a problem before they help you is one of the best things you can do for yourself. So, who are included in your "family of choice?" Don't let the "negative nellies" in.
Showing posts with label Barbara Fredrickson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Barbara Fredrickson. Show all posts
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Is Someone Mean Mugging You?
Last night I was at dinner with a group of friends. A niece of one friend was telling us about an experience she had on a New Jersey Transit train to New York. Apparently she was chatting enthusiastically with a friend on her cell phone and she said that the people around were "mean mugging" her. I was instantly intrigued. "What is mean mugging?" I asked. She told me it is when someone is giving you a dirty look. Yet the reality is bigger than just nasty looks and could really impact the work we do and the lives we lead.
Looking up "mean mugging" in the Urban Dictionary I found this definition.
But there is an additional definition that affects more of us than we realize. Mean mugging is also defined as having a mean or sour look on one's face. How many us us have been subjected to those looks in our personal and work lives? More importantly, what affect does it have on us?
Basic psychology teaches us that when we are threatened we typically respond in one of three ways: fight, flight or freeze. That response occurs whenever the limbic system suspects a threat. Most of are aware of moments when we feel threatened and it can occur even just from the way someone looks at us. Think about our family or work environments. What are the facial expressions of most of the people we work or hang out with? If they are mean mugging, it might affect us negatively and impede any creativity, innovation or new thinking because we are in flight, fight or freeze mode.
I'm more aware of this than normal because of a work experience Jan and I had a few weeks ago. Asked to present a leadership session on high performance teams we attacked it with our usual gusto. However all through the presentation I was aware of the face of our client contact. She seemed utterly disgusted with our presentation. She sat through the presentation with her arms folded across her chest, scowling at us. Jan saw the same thing. At a break we wondered between us what we could possibly be doing wrong. It threw us off our game much more than I like to admit. She was mean mugging us and our initial response was to freeze, though I have to say I started moving toward "fight" by the end of the presentation. The funny thing was that the evaluations were stellar and she thanked us for a fantastic session. We were stunned.
Too often the people we work or live with are unaware that their facial expressions can profoundly impact how we think and act. A threatening environment, or one that is perceived that way, can hold us back from giving our best. Yet it is something that many of us face every day. I'll admit that sometimes I'm part of the problem. I'll find myself heading into a meeting with my "game face" on and I'll bet it is a threat to some people in the meeting.
So then, what happens if those around us have positive expressions on their face? It adds to a positive environment which researcher Barbara Fredrickson posits leads to a broadening of our knowledge and capabilities and a building on our skills. The exact opposite of flight, fight or freeze.
So what can we do? First of all, we need to be aware of how others affect us. If we are around people who are continually mean mugging us we will pull back no matter how strong we are. Surrounding ourselves with people who are more positive, or at least smile occasionally can lift our spirits and give us the strength to keep going in the face of obstacles. Second, we need to honestly evaluate if we are part of the problem. Many of us have learned to keep our "game face" on and we are frightening looking, or at the very least we look angry or disinterested. Just as we want an environment at home or work that is positive, we need to contribute to it. So, occasionally, we need to look in the mirror and change our mug.
Looking up "mean mugging" in the Urban Dictionary I found this definition.
1) To glare at another person with a scowl, or other antagonistic facial expression, with malicious intent, hoping to provoke a response from the intended recipient.
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Basic psychology teaches us that when we are threatened we typically respond in one of three ways: fight, flight or freeze. That response occurs whenever the limbic system suspects a threat. Most of are aware of moments when we feel threatened and it can occur even just from the way someone looks at us. Think about our family or work environments. What are the facial expressions of most of the people we work or hang out with? If they are mean mugging, it might affect us negatively and impede any creativity, innovation or new thinking because we are in flight, fight or freeze mode.
I'm more aware of this than normal because of a work experience Jan and I had a few weeks ago. Asked to present a leadership session on high performance teams we attacked it with our usual gusto. However all through the presentation I was aware of the face of our client contact. She seemed utterly disgusted with our presentation. She sat through the presentation with her arms folded across her chest, scowling at us. Jan saw the same thing. At a break we wondered between us what we could possibly be doing wrong. It threw us off our game much more than I like to admit. She was mean mugging us and our initial response was to freeze, though I have to say I started moving toward "fight" by the end of the presentation. The funny thing was that the evaluations were stellar and she thanked us for a fantastic session. We were stunned.
Too often the people we work or live with are unaware that their facial expressions can profoundly impact how we think and act. A threatening environment, or one that is perceived that way, can hold us back from giving our best. Yet it is something that many of us face every day. I'll admit that sometimes I'm part of the problem. I'll find myself heading into a meeting with my "game face" on and I'll bet it is a threat to some people in the meeting.
So then, what happens if those around us have positive expressions on their face? It adds to a positive environment which researcher Barbara Fredrickson posits leads to a broadening of our knowledge and capabilities and a building on our skills. The exact opposite of flight, fight or freeze.
So what can we do? First of all, we need to be aware of how others affect us. If we are around people who are continually mean mugging us we will pull back no matter how strong we are. Surrounding ourselves with people who are more positive, or at least smile occasionally can lift our spirits and give us the strength to keep going in the face of obstacles. Second, we need to honestly evaluate if we are part of the problem. Many of us have learned to keep our "game face" on and we are frightening looking, or at the very least we look angry or disinterested. Just as we want an environment at home or work that is positive, we need to contribute to it. So, occasionally, we need to look in the mirror and change our mug.
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