Are You Bi-locating Right Now?

Where are you right now? No, really. In your head, where are you? Are you 100% present to what you are doing? Because many of us, myself included, are so overwhelmed with all of the possibilities of what we could do, where we could be and who we could be that we aren't fully present in our lives.

I'm probably more guilty than most people in creating this state of bi-location. For years I've written about personal greatness and striving to unleash the best you can be. Yet often people ask me if I can ever rest; if I can stop trying to be great and just enjoy the moment. The answer is, I'm learning.

This morning glancing at Twitter, Facebook, Positive Psychology News Daily and the morning news, it seems that everything around us conspires to make us feel that we need to be in a better place, with better clothes, a better body, better friends and possibly a better drink in our hands. It all adds up to bi-location when we are in one place but constantly dream of a better world.

Individuals who exemplify personal greatness have a wonderful ability to be fully present in the moment, even when striving to achieve something or improve themselves. Partly they seem to have an innate understanding that much can be learned in this moment, rather than pining for something else. They live as though this moment and the person directly in front of them is the most important. There is no greater skill to develop than this one.

Let me repeat that. Being fully present in the moment, with those around us, is one of the greatest skills we can ever learn in moving toward personal greatness. All it takes is practice. The other night my partner and I had a late dinner together. We talked as we prepped the meal, shared some wine and then sat down to eat. In the midst of tasting my food (it was wonderful) enjoying the conversation and company and sipping my wine I realized that I was complete. The reason was that I was fully attentive to the moment.

There is a time to think of the future, to plan, to long for something more. But establish the plans and goals and then don't think about them. Be fully attentive to the moment and don't bi-locate. You will find your life and your goals take on a powerful vividness and still you can fulfill those unfulfilled dreams.

Why Are Optimists so Obnoxious?

Okay, I'm an admitted optimist. Yep, born that way. I'm guessing my genetic predisposition toward optimism  is well over the 50% that researchers say is present in society. On top of that I choose to be optimistic the other 40% of the time and the 10% of my life circumstances aren't too bad. So why it is so difficult to be around me? After all, I'm the cheery guy who always sees the bright side of things. Therein lies the problem.

"I'd like to slap you upside the head" said an HR Director yesterday when she heard from Jan, my business partner, how optimistic I am. "Yep" agreed Jan, "sometimes it's obnoxious." I took all of this in the fun in which it was meant,  but it caused me to think. With all of this happiness and positiveness being promoted by books, speakers and workshops is it making some of us tough to live with?

What is it about optimists that make us so difficult to be around? Well, I'd like to offer my side as an optimist, but I'm open to hearing from others. The researchers say that the difference between optimism and pessimism is about "explanatory style." That means when something bad or good happens to us we "explain" it by telling ourselves how it will affect us. Is the negative event permanent and pervasive, or just temporary and local? Our explanation then drives our behavior. So, it's not about whether the glass is half full or half empty, it's about what you are thinking after you dump it in your lap. Does it ruin your entire day, or is it a momentary accident?

My theory about why optimists are considered obnoxious rests on what optimism or pessimism allows us to do. Pessimism, because it leans toward the believe that bad things will continue to happen, or something will go wrong, allows us to wallow in the difficulty of the moment. We comfort ourselves that we've done our best and can savor all of the pity of our friends and family. We can rest for the moment because, after all, nothing else can be done. Optimists on the other hand, seeing the challenge as temporary, realize there is  more that can be done, perhaps another avenue of departure, and we move forward. There is no resting, no wallowing in the moment, but just charging ahead seeing another opportunity.

No wonder we're considered so obnoxious. Sometimes it feels good to have people comfort you, give advice, or just feel sorry for you and you don't have to do anything. We optimists rain on that parade big time! The worst part is that we usually foist our optimistic advice just when the other person is enjoying the attention, or the rest.

So, I think I'll try letting others enjoy their moment of attention, or wallowing. If they want my advice they will ask for it. As for me, I'll be on the sunny side of the street.

Do You Have Attention Surplus Disorder?

Night cancer. Ever had it? Sure you have. Those are the nights when you can't sleep and every pain grows worse and worse until you wonder if you will make it to the doctor or they will find you dead, and your worries about the job, or the bills, or the kids seem insurmountable. Yet, in the morning and as the day gets going, you wonder why you were worried so much the night before. Yep, we jokingly call it "night cancer" but it is all about where we choose to focus our attention and that has a lot to do with how we gain or lose our energy during the day and how we interact with the world around us.

Reading an article on www.positivepsychologynews.com I saw a quote from Marcus Buckingham that caught my eye, "attention amplifies everything." The more we pay attention to something eventually everything else fades until that is the only thing visible. It could be called Attention Surplus Disorder. So what happens when we focus our attention?

We are an age of uber-information. Bombarded with news and updates all day, we don't even brake for braking news because it is part of our lives. Yet where does all this information, mostly negative, get us? It creates a state of fear. Learning of the latest shooting, accident, or impending storm and being bombarded with constant updates our typical reactions are flight, fight or freeze. Subsequently our attention amplifies the threat and it looms larger than it might in reality. We do the same with any information about us so that "constructive feedback" grows monstrous until we believe we will be fired, or a snippy reply means that a friend, who we thought liked us, hates us.

Let's do a reality check. We need to be mindful threats against us, and to keep informed. But let's keep this in balance because the quickest way to squelch any attempt at achieving potential is to think that the entire environment around us is so threatening that we have to pull into survival mode.

Occasionally paying attention to the good news around us creates balance, like looking for the heros in current situations, or searching for stories where people helped others. Attention to these stories encourages and inspire us to the point that we believe we can do something similar. Even paying attention to a compliment and not ignoring it can be a wonderfully energizing moment in a day.

"Attention amplifies everything." So, where are you placing your attention during the day and is it helping you or inhibiting you at being your best? Shift your attention to what is good, those you love, or the good things in you and watch what happens to the good in your life. It gets amplified.