Dead Men (and Women) Walking

"... almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."  Steve Jobs


No, today's blog is not morbid. There, I thought I'd get that out before people started wondering why I'm thinking about death. Actually blame it on a book I'm reading The Fault of Our Stars by John Green. It a refreshingly real view ( though it's a novel) of living with cancer. The book is funny, poignant and creates a space where the reader can ask her/himself what is important in life; or at least that's how I'm reading it. 


Death offers the possibility of a movement toward personal greatness. The unapologetic reality exists that we all have had a death sentence placed on us from the moment we were born. Nobody escapes this one. There is no last minute appeal, no midnight call to the governor. When we are done, we're done. Yet, if we really think about this, it can set us free and this is where it applies to personal greatness. 


There are so many little things that push and pull us through life. We worry about our clothes, hair, weight, and general appearance. We fret over whether people like us or not. We carry guilt about family and friends; what we've done, or what we've not done. But what if you knew you were going to die? What REALLY matters? 


The fact is that all of us are dying, right here, right now. Some will die faster than others, but pretty soon all of us who are reading this will be gone. (oh, by the way, thanks for reading) And for me, if the next 54 years go as quickly as the first 54, it's all over. So the question then becomes how we want to live life?


Personally I want to laugh more. Yep, I'm just too serious about life and, what the heck, I'm on a fast train to oblivion anyway, so why take it too seriously? Yet more than that I just want to help more people while I'm here - make their lives easier. My life is fantastic, so I've no real need to work on that front. So whatever I can do for others, that's what I want to do more of and spend more time with those I love. Meanwhile I'm gonna worry less about what others think about me. Yep, gotta work on that one. 


Steve Jobs is right. We are already naked, but we just don't know it. Realizing our own mortality is very freeing and hopefully allows each of us to truly follow our heart. 

No Apologies, No Excuses, No Second Chance

Years ago, while playing basketball, I had an important realization. I apologized constantly. I apologized for bad passes,errant shots and missed opportunities. Worse than that, I also realized I apologized when someone else would make a mistake by telling them that it really was my fault. When I wasn't apologizing I found myself making excuses for poor play. I was tired. My foot hurt. I sprained my finger. The day I realized my behavior I felt sick. This was not the person I wanted to be. So, I adopted a mantra for myself and how I would play on the basketball court, "No apologies, no excuses, no second chance." Let me briefly explain. "No apologies." Apologies are often empty words that are thrown around after someone is caught, or in my case a distorted belief that I wasn't supposed to make mistakes, or miss. Yes, occasionally apologies have to be made, but what is more important is changing behavior. Nothing says I'm sorry like changing my behavior and doing something different. So, I put aside apologizing all the time and moved on to changing behavior. "No excuses." When I step on to a basketball court, I step on to play. No one cares if I am tired, hurt, or distracted. They just want me to play the best basketball I can or get off the court. "No second chance." Many times the places I play basketball there are teams waiting to get on the court. Once you lose, you may as well go home. There is no second chance, so I've learned to put it all out on the court. Years later I realize that this mantra applies to life. So many of us spend too much time apologizing for what we've done instead of making up and moving on. We all make mistakes, but we are by no means the sum of our mistakes. Sometimes the best gift we can give to ourselves is to unlock the chains with which we bind ourselves and let us go free. So too excuses. I've got a million of them. Reasons why I can't write my next book, or be the speaker I want to be. No one cares, and the only person I'm excusing is myself. And finally, there is no second chance. This is it. Every moment of every day we choose how our lives will unfold. If we are waiting for something to happen it has probably passed us by. "Life- no apologies, no excuses, no second chance."