Tonight I asked Jan, my business partner and friend, "what did you learn about greatness today?" Okay, so I'm not good with small talk and tend to go right for deep conversations. But Jan had an answer for me. She told me that she had watched someone facilitate a session about stress management. This facilitator has a good reputation and it was a small group. What Jan told me was "he could have phoned it in. He is really good at facilitation and could have coasted through the session and all of the evaluations would have been fine, but he didn't. He was focused, engaging, energetic and gave it his all." She said that "watching him I became so aware that we have a choice in everything we do either to lay back and just show up, or to really do our best. Great individuals bring their best every time."
Let me offer another contrasting example. About a month ago I had the opportunity to hear a singing legend and was really excited about the opportunity. However, though acknowledged as one of "the greats", she sauntered in 90 minutes late, no apologies, sang mostly to the band and didn't engage the audience at all. I was almost glad when the concert ended. I enjoyed a dramatic contrast last week when I saw Hall and Oates in Asbury Park. Though already in the songwriters' hall of fame, they gave it there all, connected with the audience, were alive and energetic and responded to our enthusiasm with three encores. They were great. I was buzzing about their concert for days afterward. They really impacted me and that is what great people do.
Jan reinforced a key characteristic of great individuals. They don't "phone it in." They aren't partially present to those things they care about. They are fully present, engaged and enlivened by what they are doing at that moment. Well, what about the rest of us? Are we really fully present to what we do, who we love, and what we care about? Or are we just phoning it in?
Monday, March 16, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Donut or Not?
Okay, I read a lot of blogs. This morning I was reading a blog dissing mindfulness meditation. The writer dismissed mindfulness essentially because it made people too calm. Interesting. She proposed that people are more "human" when they get upset and explode. Aside from an apparently negative view of humanity, there was a more important point made when the writer acknowledged that she gave up on mindfulness because it was too hard. So perhaps it was easier to debase mindfulness rather than admit she could not commit to it.
Daily we are confronted with the choice to continue with our disciplines, new habits, exercise, or whatever we've committed to. Yep, sometimes it seems easier to just give in and give up. Currently some of the closest people around me have committed to a wellness regimen. They are eating healthy and exercising. Yet, the choice is constantly in front of them. Walking into Dunkin' Donuts this morning for coffee, one of my friends whispered "Maple frosted with sprinkles," sighed and then ordered just a cup of coffee. A choice, but a choice that has repercussions.
Research indicates that discipline in one area of our life affects other areas. When we take control of something small, it manifests itself in all we do. Though I've no research to back this up, I have to also believe the opposite; when I let discipline go in one area, it affects many other disciplines.
We create artificial moments to start anew; New Year's resolutions, Lent, a new job or an opportunity. We also use life tragedies and triumphs to promise new behavior: 9/11, the miracle on the Hudson, the birth of a child, marriage or death. The key is continuing the journey toward the new life. So the next time you are confronted with the choice of forgoing a discipline, promise, or resolution ask yourself two questions: Why go backwards? Do I really want to start this all over again? It's easier to pass up the donut, or continue with the meditating.
Daily we are confronted with the choice to continue with our disciplines, new habits, exercise, or whatever we've committed to. Yep, sometimes it seems easier to just give in and give up. Currently some of the closest people around me have committed to a wellness regimen. They are eating healthy and exercising. Yet, the choice is constantly in front of them. Walking into Dunkin' Donuts this morning for coffee, one of my friends whispered "Maple frosted with sprinkles," sighed and then ordered just a cup of coffee. A choice, but a choice that has repercussions.
Research indicates that discipline in one area of our life affects other areas. When we take control of something small, it manifests itself in all we do. Though I've no research to back this up, I have to also believe the opposite; when I let discipline go in one area, it affects many other disciplines.
We create artificial moments to start anew; New Year's resolutions, Lent, a new job or an opportunity. We also use life tragedies and triumphs to promise new behavior: 9/11, the miracle on the Hudson, the birth of a child, marriage or death. The key is continuing the journey toward the new life. So the next time you are confronted with the choice of forgoing a discipline, promise, or resolution ask yourself two questions: Why go backwards? Do I really want to start this all over again? It's easier to pass up the donut, or continue with the meditating.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Give Time Time
The devil was on my mind this morning and it wasn't just because I was at church. Okay, it started there. We heard the christian scripture story about Jesus going out to the desert and the devil tempting him. Interestingly, all of the temptations concern solving problems - hunger and power for example, immediately. Whether you are christian or not the story points out one of the key challenges to greatness in our society - immediacy. We want everything right now including greatness. We don't want to take the time to develop our skills, ideas, or plans. We want success and we want it immediately. We won't give time, time.
The reality is that we have to give ourselves and others a break. In 42 BC Publius Syrus said "It takes a long time to bring excellence to maturity." More recently, in his new book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell offers the current research indicating that it takes approximately 10,000 hours of practice to achieve excellence. The problem is that our society offers instant gratification in so many areas that we somehow want to believe ourselves capable of achieving greatness quickly. It's true that we can achieve fame almost overnight (American Idol, Survivor), or fortune instantly (MegaMillions lottery is currently at $212 million dollars), yet the reality is that greatness will not be rushed.
We need to be humble enough to allow ourselves and others to develop and mature. Setting short term goals helps; we all need to know we are succeeding. But more importantly we have to realize that we will not achieve our personal greatness overnight. Don't be tempted. Give time time.
The reality is that we have to give ourselves and others a break. In 42 BC Publius Syrus said "It takes a long time to bring excellence to maturity." More recently, in his new book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell offers the current research indicating that it takes approximately 10,000 hours of practice to achieve excellence. The problem is that our society offers instant gratification in so many areas that we somehow want to believe ourselves capable of achieving greatness quickly. It's true that we can achieve fame almost overnight (American Idol, Survivor), or fortune instantly (MegaMillions lottery is currently at $212 million dollars), yet the reality is that greatness will not be rushed.
We need to be humble enough to allow ourselves and others to develop and mature. Setting short term goals helps; we all need to know we are succeeding. But more importantly we have to realize that we will not achieve our personal greatness overnight. Don't be tempted. Give time time.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Nothing But The Radio On
Our radio host, Joe Fermano, on WNJC 1360 AM, was so excited we could hear him coming out of his chair. His interview about our book, Pathways to Greatness, was scheduled to run 30 minutes with one intermission for commercial break. He skipped the commercial break and went straight through until the music cut him off at the end of the show. "You have to come back, you have to come back" he insisted. Joe raved about the book, even on his YouTube video called "I am the greatest." Clearly he was excited to talk about greatness.
In Australia a friend listened in to the radio show online (technology is amazing) and IMd me afterward on Facebook. He loved the interview and thought it went really well, but he encouraged us to "get the message out about greatness." "We need to hear this, especially right now."
This morning, an entrepreneur friend heard about the radio show and sat me down to ask about it. After I filled in the details he said, "helping us all focus on greatness and how to achieve it is just what we need right now. How can you get this message out there?"
My question also. Every time we speak about greatness, people read our book or respond to this blog it creates excitement and energy. Just the opposite of what is currently happening. So how do we spread the research about greatness? How do we involve others in creating a movement to focus on greatness even in difficult times? A small AM radio station was a start, but where can it end?
In Australia a friend listened in to the radio show online (technology is amazing) and IMd me afterward on Facebook. He loved the interview and thought it went really well, but he encouraged us to "get the message out about greatness." "We need to hear this, especially right now."
This morning, an entrepreneur friend heard about the radio show and sat me down to ask about it. After I filled in the details he said, "helping us all focus on greatness and how to achieve it is just what we need right now. How can you get this message out there?"
My question also. Every time we speak about greatness, people read our book or respond to this blog it creates excitement and energy. Just the opposite of what is currently happening. So how do we spread the research about greatness? How do we involve others in creating a movement to focus on greatness even in difficult times? A small AM radio station was a start, but where can it end?
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Wadda You Lookin At?
Have you ever had someone look at you? I mean really look at you, deeply, directly into your eyes? It can be disconcerting at times. In some places it can be a direct threat (I was born in New York City). Yet in the best of times it is a wonderful acknowledgement of the person you are. That direct, deep look fosters a connection which creates great moments of creativity, collaboration, intimacy and a host of other positive behaviors. When I connect in this manner, or someone connects with me, the ability to create something positive is almost effortless because by the simple action of looking someone in the eye, I acknowledge their personhood, uniqueness and contribution.
A principle found in Positive Psychology is that individuals and organizations tend to move in the direction that they focus on. Though this principle is not about eye contact, I think it applies very well. Think of the effect of two different experiences. In one conversation you attempt to explain your idea to someone, only to watch them looking at their Blackberry, glance at the paper, look at the floor, looking anywhere but at you. They are moving in a direction, but it is not toward you. How do you feel? How empowered are you now? Yet in a different conversation your listener looks directly into your eyes as you speak. They acknowledge the words you speak, even without saying a word. Since they are focusing only on you, it seems that they are connecting with you. Now how do you feel?
I don't know about you, but I want people around me who listen to me and look at me when I am speaking. They enliven me and make me feel that my ideas are valuable. But a more important lesson for me was learning to do the same for others. I am often distracted by my Blackberry, computer screen, or movement behind the person I'm listening to. They know it and I know it. So I use a discipline now. I make sure I see the color of their eyes. If I don't know the color of their eyes at the end of the conversation, I know I have not looked at them. Sound simple? Try it. You will find out how often you aren't really looking. More importantly, you will learn to look and connect, and those around you will want to speak with you because you make them feel great.
A principle found in Positive Psychology is that individuals and organizations tend to move in the direction that they focus on. Though this principle is not about eye contact, I think it applies very well. Think of the effect of two different experiences. In one conversation you attempt to explain your idea to someone, only to watch them looking at their Blackberry, glance at the paper, look at the floor, looking anywhere but at you. They are moving in a direction, but it is not toward you. How do you feel? How empowered are you now? Yet in a different conversation your listener looks directly into your eyes as you speak. They acknowledge the words you speak, even without saying a word. Since they are focusing only on you, it seems that they are connecting with you. Now how do you feel?
I don't know about you, but I want people around me who listen to me and look at me when I am speaking. They enliven me and make me feel that my ideas are valuable. But a more important lesson for me was learning to do the same for others. I am often distracted by my Blackberry, computer screen, or movement behind the person I'm listening to. They know it and I know it. So I use a discipline now. I make sure I see the color of their eyes. If I don't know the color of their eyes at the end of the conversation, I know I have not looked at them. Sound simple? Try it. You will find out how often you aren't really looking. More importantly, you will learn to look and connect, and those around you will want to speak with you because you make them feel great.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Why Don't We Change The World?
We are in a crisis of global proportions. No one denies this. We are at a turning point in history. Many people believe this. We can do something about this crisis moment to turn the world in a positive direction. Only a few people are doing something. So, what is the difference with this final group?
It has always amazed me that difficult times draw out diverse and often violently opposite reactions. There are those who look for fault, and wonder who is to blame. Others hide their heads in the sand and wait for the mess to pass. Some people anoint others to fix the problem and then wait for their heros to act. Then there are those who, without waiting for the government, church, corporation to either give them permission, or assistance, set out to fix the problem.
Ode Magazine, in the January/February 2009 Issue highlights 25 "intelligent optimists" who are doing something about changing the world. Their stories are powerful insights into individuals who don't just buck the system, they completely ignore it (or its obstacles) in order to bring new, creative, positive ideas to fruition. These aren't radicals, but dedicated men and women who did not wait for someone else to solve world problems, they tackled them on their own.
Looking at myself I wonder if I have the characteristics these people embody. Most times, even when I think of a positive idea, it languishes until something distracts me and I focus elsewhere. Or I bemoan the possibility of doing something new while simultaneously someone else is already doing it.
What can we learn from these people? Hey, I'm learning that if I want to change the world, I just have to go out and do something. Talking never accomplished anything by itself. Secondly, I'm learning to set my sights high. The dramatic changes listed in Ode are amazing and I'm sure everyone told these people they were going to be disappointed. Finally, most of them had help. Guess I'm learning that I can't do it alone. So, what do you want to do?
It has always amazed me that difficult times draw out diverse and often violently opposite reactions. There are those who look for fault, and wonder who is to blame. Others hide their heads in the sand and wait for the mess to pass. Some people anoint others to fix the problem and then wait for their heros to act. Then there are those who, without waiting for the government, church, corporation to either give them permission, or assistance, set out to fix the problem.
Ode Magazine, in the January/February 2009 Issue highlights 25 "intelligent optimists" who are doing something about changing the world. Their stories are powerful insights into individuals who don't just buck the system, they completely ignore it (or its obstacles) in order to bring new, creative, positive ideas to fruition. These aren't radicals, but dedicated men and women who did not wait for someone else to solve world problems, they tackled them on their own.
Looking at myself I wonder if I have the characteristics these people embody. Most times, even when I think of a positive idea, it languishes until something distracts me and I focus elsewhere. Or I bemoan the possibility of doing something new while simultaneously someone else is already doing it.
What can we learn from these people? Hey, I'm learning that if I want to change the world, I just have to go out and do something. Talking never accomplished anything by itself. Secondly, I'm learning to set my sights high. The dramatic changes listed in Ode are amazing and I'm sure everyone told these people they were going to be disappointed. Finally, most of them had help. Guess I'm learning that I can't do it alone. So, what do you want to do?
Monday, February 2, 2009
Another Chance
Those of us who were in New York City on September 11th as the World Trade Center Towers were attacked thought that life would never be the same. On Fifth Avenue, crowds huddled around cars with their radios turned up so everyone could hear the news and the only other sound was crying. We promised we'd treasure every moment, love our families, live the life of our dreams. Yet less than two months later, on a flight to California, I overheard someone say that they were tired of hearing about 9/11. When I returned to New York City, the horns had started again, the anger was back, people were running to make money, and it was as if it was all a bad dream. Very few people changed. What does it take to make us aware of what is important in life? What does it take to make us embrace our dreams and live the life we really desire?
A study of great individuals in history identified "trigger points." These were moments in the person's life, or events in history, that challenged them to think differently, to act differently, and change their behavior. In each of their lives, it was the catalyst that helped unleash their greatness.
All of us have another chance. We stand on the edge of a new awareness and this one can't be ignored by one group or another, it affects all of us. It can't be dismissed by different countries, we are all in this one together. The financial and business systems we fostered are flawed, not because of what they produced, but because they were driven by greed and excess. The majority of us went along with it because we also prospered. Now they have failed. It is a "trigger point" for all of us. We cannot live with business as usual. Now is the time to rethink how we go about our lives. We have the chance to ask the hard questions: what is important to me? Am I pursuing it? Am I living out my own personal greatness?
A study of great individuals in history identified "trigger points." These were moments in the person's life, or events in history, that challenged them to think differently, to act differently, and change their behavior. In each of their lives, it was the catalyst that helped unleash their greatness.
All of us have another chance. We stand on the edge of a new awareness and this one can't be ignored by one group or another, it affects all of us. It can't be dismissed by different countries, we are all in this one together. The financial and business systems we fostered are flawed, not because of what they produced, but because they were driven by greed and excess. The majority of us went along with it because we also prospered. Now they have failed. It is a "trigger point" for all of us. We cannot live with business as usual. Now is the time to rethink how we go about our lives. We have the chance to ask the hard questions: what is important to me? Am I pursuing it? Am I living out my own personal greatness?
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