What happens on your birthday? Do friends, family and loved ones let you know how much you mean in their lives? Do you know by the end of the day that you matter to someone? Well, their wishes, or at least their presence in your life matter toward achieving your personal greatness.
October 28th is my birthday. Starting days earlier I celebrated with my partner, then on a different evening my business partner. On my birthday itself I received calls, cards, emails, and notices on Facebook from friends and family wishing me well. And it was on the train to Washington DC for work on my birthday that I realized the importance of all those well-wishers. I know I have a community that supports me because of who I am. Though it might be possible to achieve personal greatness alone without a supportive community, it is much more difficult.
Psychology has long understood the importance of the support of family and friends. Yet more and more we live in an isolating society that propels us away from our family and friends for the pursuit of our career. However, cut off from a supportive community, we lack the emotional and psychological backup if our resources are depleted. In other words, without a community it is difficult to always have the strength to be our best.
Positive relationships is one of the pillars to psychologically flourishing, according to Dr. Marty Seligman, and in Well Being, Tom Rath identifies it as one of the essential elements to well-being. Rath even states that we need six hours a day (that includes conversations, phone calls, texts and emails) of interaction with others to thrive in community well-being. Well-being and flourishing are essential to achieving personal greatness and a supportive community is a major factor in both of those psychological states.
Going it alone or rugged individualism hasn't stopped some individuals from achieving personal greatness, but I'm certain it didn't help them. So create a supportive community around you and watch what happens. The community doesn't have to be big, just supportive. Better yet, cultivate a community that both cherishes and challenges you to be at your best and you will see the results.
Perhaps birthdays aren't the best gauge of a healthy community of friends and family. But I know I can rely on them to support me when necessary and push me when appropriate. And at least one time a year, its nice to know they are all there.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
What's In A Name?
Signing a credit card receipt on a recent business trip I realized I have reduced my name to a scribble. Though I've worked hard to be proud of my name I sign it as though it is not important at all. I wonder if my sloppiness hints at what I might think of my name, even of myself. Why is this so important? Because names and words not only identify us; words, because they clarify our goals, affect who we are and who we can become.
So, what's in a name? What's in our name? Simply, whatever we place there. Most of us had no choice in our name. We were named for a loved one, or a friend or something memorable. But think of why that name was chosen. It means the person naming us hoped we'd embody what that name meant to them. But now it is our turn. If someone thinks of our name differently after we've met them then somehow the example of our life changed the way they now hear the name. If our time with them was marked by energy, wonder, goodness, or a deep connection, each time they hear that name, whether directly referring to us or not, they will hold the name with respect and honor.
What if the life we've built leaves scant evidence of compassion or caring, good will or gratitude, struggle or success? Then our name will not expand the thoughts of those who use it nor find itself spoken with reverence.
Similarly the names by which we describe what we do, who we are, in part makes us. We become what we call ourselves. “Artist,” “poet,” “craftsman,” “home-maker,” “entrepreneur.” Some of the words we choose to describe ourselves we keep hidden knowing that is what we really believe about our life. “Loser,” “loner,” “drifter,” “subordinate.” And if the word we use to describe ourselves is less than what we really can attain, it is not the world that holds us back but our own lack of belief, desire or imagination. Though we sometimes rail against the fates it is we who follow the lead of our own words.
So, who are you at your finest moment? What are you at the best times you can remember? “Artisan,” “thinker,” “philosopher,” “philanthropist.” We become what we call ourselves. We move toward what we believe and hope ourselves to be.
Whatever we call ourselves, we will become. Be honest. Think of your strengths, gifts and desires. Cherish and polish the name given you in life and live fully the name you use to describe yourself.
So, what's in a name? What's in our name? Simply, whatever we place there. Most of us had no choice in our name. We were named for a loved one, or a friend or something memorable. But think of why that name was chosen. It means the person naming us hoped we'd embody what that name meant to them. But now it is our turn. If someone thinks of our name differently after we've met them then somehow the example of our life changed the way they now hear the name. If our time with them was marked by energy, wonder, goodness, or a deep connection, each time they hear that name, whether directly referring to us or not, they will hold the name with respect and honor.
What if the life we've built leaves scant evidence of compassion or caring, good will or gratitude, struggle or success? Then our name will not expand the thoughts of those who use it nor find itself spoken with reverence.
Similarly the names by which we describe what we do, who we are, in part makes us. We become what we call ourselves. “Artist,” “poet,” “craftsman,” “home-maker,” “entrepreneur.” Some of the words we choose to describe ourselves we keep hidden knowing that is what we really believe about our life. “Loser,” “loner,” “drifter,” “subordinate.” And if the word we use to describe ourselves is less than what we really can attain, it is not the world that holds us back but our own lack of belief, desire or imagination. Though we sometimes rail against the fates it is we who follow the lead of our own words.
So, who are you at your finest moment? What are you at the best times you can remember? “Artisan,” “thinker,” “philosopher,” “philanthropist.” We become what we call ourselves. We move toward what we believe and hope ourselves to be.
Whatever we call ourselves, we will become. Be honest. Think of your strengths, gifts and desires. Cherish and polish the name given you in life and live fully the name you use to describe yourself.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Running Against the Wind
Running six miles when the wind is blowing 20 miles an hour (like this morning) is not easy, but then neither is striving to achieve your personal greatness. It's important to remember that neither of them is a sprint and so they share some principles that make it easier to keep going.
Do the tough stuff first. The first decision I encounter on a windy day is which way to go. I always turn into the wind, that way it's easier on the way back. Sometimes you can be tired even at the beginning of a day and thinking about greatness is the furthest thing from your mind. Completing a task early in the day gives a boost of energy to move you through the rest of the day. AND you might get more done than you think.
Shorten your strides. Any time I fight the wind I've learned to shorten my stride. My legs are not as strained when I take the shorter strides and I can still keep up a decent pace. Striving for personal greatness there are times we need to attempt less in a day. Smaller, achievable goals allow us to accomplish something without overstriving and completing nothing. Plus sometimes the smaller goals help us maintain our energy and morale when the going gets tough.
Alter your route. On a calm day I run a route that is wide open with few obstructions and a wide open vista. On a really windy day I change the route and use buildings, hedges and trees to block the wind for me as I make my way to the same end goal. Pursuing a goal you have a tendency to approach it the same way every day. Sometimes changing your approach, especially when it is not working, allows you to move beyond banging your head against a wall and though you are not taking your usual direct route, you are moving toward the same goal.
Enjoy the wind. Though running against a wind is challenging, like the 20 mph wind this morning, I've finally learned that I waste more energy cursing the wind and started accepting it. Learning to appreciate how it changes my run and the challenges it offers helps me maintain energy and learn in the process. When your movement toward personal greatness is challenged, stop for a second and see what you are learning. You might realize something significant about yourself, your goal, or about your opposition.
Let's be real, wind or opposition will always be around sometimes stronger than others. Learning how to deal with it make you able to deal with the challenging moments and still move toward your goal.
Do the tough stuff first. The first decision I encounter on a windy day is which way to go. I always turn into the wind, that way it's easier on the way back. Sometimes you can be tired even at the beginning of a day and thinking about greatness is the furthest thing from your mind. Completing a task early in the day gives a boost of energy to move you through the rest of the day. AND you might get more done than you think.
Shorten your strides. Any time I fight the wind I've learned to shorten my stride. My legs are not as strained when I take the shorter strides and I can still keep up a decent pace. Striving for personal greatness there are times we need to attempt less in a day. Smaller, achievable goals allow us to accomplish something without overstriving and completing nothing. Plus sometimes the smaller goals help us maintain our energy and morale when the going gets tough.
Alter your route. On a calm day I run a route that is wide open with few obstructions and a wide open vista. On a really windy day I change the route and use buildings, hedges and trees to block the wind for me as I make my way to the same end goal. Pursuing a goal you have a tendency to approach it the same way every day. Sometimes changing your approach, especially when it is not working, allows you to move beyond banging your head against a wall and though you are not taking your usual direct route, you are moving toward the same goal.
Enjoy the wind. Though running against a wind is challenging, like the 20 mph wind this morning, I've finally learned that I waste more energy cursing the wind and started accepting it. Learning to appreciate how it changes my run and the challenges it offers helps me maintain energy and learn in the process. When your movement toward personal greatness is challenged, stop for a second and see what you are learning. You might realize something significant about yourself, your goal, or about your opposition.
Let's be real, wind or opposition will always be around sometimes stronger than others. Learning how to deal with it make you able to deal with the challenging moments and still move toward your goal.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Nudging Toward Greatness
Yesterday I was nudged to buy a pair of pants. Yep, I went into a store, found a pair of pants and went to the dressing room to try them on. Turning to hang them up in the dressing room I noticed a sign above a hook. It read "definitely." Turning around I saw another hook on the other side that read "possibly." The store was nudging shoppers to purchase more through the use of the signs.
A couple of years ago I read the book Nudge by Richard Thaler and Cass Sunstein about improving decision making by understanding how we choose. They opine the idea that we can allow people freedom, but make it more likely they will choose the better option if we give them a nudge. There are some interesting moral implications raised in the book, but I'll leave that for you to read.
What struck me yesterday from my shopping experience and as I remembered some of the research in Nudge was the possibility of using techniques to nudge us toward greatness. Some of the most difficult challenges are overcome by changing habits and the key is to make things easy.
For example, I have a salt tooth. I love salty food, and yet I know too much is not healthy for me. I've also discovered that if there is fresh fruit cut up and easily available in bite-sized chunks, I will eat them just as readily. So, placing the cut up fruit within easy access and not purchasing the chips nudges me toward healthier eating. Another experiment I'm trying as a writer is turning off my computer each night so it won't be on in the morning. On my desk are paper and pen (I do all my original writing long-hand) so that the first thing I nudge myself to do is sit and write not browse the Internet.
Where do you need a nudge? Think of how you might position what you need so it is in easy access or the first thing you see. You are more likely to do what you want and need to do if you nudge yourself in that direction.
Moving toward personal greatness requires an awareness of the small steps that propel us everyday. Changing one small step allows us to progress further on the journey to our own personal greatness. Positive nudges help. Oh, and I did buy that pair of pants. It was definitely a good choice.
A couple of years ago I read the book Nudge by Richard Thaler and Cass Sunstein about improving decision making by understanding how we choose. They opine the idea that we can allow people freedom, but make it more likely they will choose the better option if we give them a nudge. There are some interesting moral implications raised in the book, but I'll leave that for you to read.
What struck me yesterday from my shopping experience and as I remembered some of the research in Nudge was the possibility of using techniques to nudge us toward greatness. Some of the most difficult challenges are overcome by changing habits and the key is to make things easy.
For example, I have a salt tooth. I love salty food, and yet I know too much is not healthy for me. I've also discovered that if there is fresh fruit cut up and easily available in bite-sized chunks, I will eat them just as readily. So, placing the cut up fruit within easy access and not purchasing the chips nudges me toward healthier eating. Another experiment I'm trying as a writer is turning off my computer each night so it won't be on in the morning. On my desk are paper and pen (I do all my original writing long-hand) so that the first thing I nudge myself to do is sit and write not browse the Internet.
Where do you need a nudge? Think of how you might position what you need so it is in easy access or the first thing you see. You are more likely to do what you want and need to do if you nudge yourself in that direction.
Moving toward personal greatness requires an awareness of the small steps that propel us everyday. Changing one small step allows us to progress further on the journey to our own personal greatness. Positive nudges help. Oh, and I did buy that pair of pants. It was definitely a good choice.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Being a Great Friend
"Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.” Mark Twain
After reading this quote a few days ago (a friend posted it on Facebook) we've reflected on how true this is. New research is indicating that our friends can influence us to be happier or more miserable, healthier or fatter, so why wouldn't it be true that they could, simply by social pressure, either help us to achieve our greatness or influence us to give up?
If we were focusing on the negative we would talk about "defriending" all of those acquaintances that put us down or "belittle our ambitions" as Mark Twain said. However, rather than focus on the negative, we'd prefer to focus on finding and/or becoming those types of friends who help others achieve greatness. And so we want to identify the qualities of friends who assist us in our greatness journey.
Primarily these friends encourage the growth and development of the unconventional thinking that leads to greatness. Rather than correcting or admonishing new thinking, these friends encourage it.
Also, when we propose a new thought, a breakthrough, a new discovery, or just the next level in our journey a good friend does not attack or undermine us, but congratulates us and asks us to tell them about it. (It is a skill called Active Constructive Responding - more info at Positive Psychology News Daily).
Yet the greatest skill of true friends is that they challenge us to go further in our idea, goal, or work. Gently they provide encouragement by pushing and prodding us to continue on our journey. And they journey with us as much as possible to help us through the difficult times.
Whether you are looking for true friends, or trying to be a good friend, these are the qualities that encourage greatness in others. Remember Mark Twain is right, "the really great make you believe that you too can be great".
After reading this quote a few days ago (a friend posted it on Facebook) we've reflected on how true this is. New research is indicating that our friends can influence us to be happier or more miserable, healthier or fatter, so why wouldn't it be true that they could, simply by social pressure, either help us to achieve our greatness or influence us to give up?
If we were focusing on the negative we would talk about "defriending" all of those acquaintances that put us down or "belittle our ambitions" as Mark Twain said. However, rather than focus on the negative, we'd prefer to focus on finding and/or becoming those types of friends who help others achieve greatness. And so we want to identify the qualities of friends who assist us in our greatness journey.
Primarily these friends encourage the growth and development of the unconventional thinking that leads to greatness. Rather than correcting or admonishing new thinking, these friends encourage it.
Also, when we propose a new thought, a breakthrough, a new discovery, or just the next level in our journey a good friend does not attack or undermine us, but congratulates us and asks us to tell them about it. (It is a skill called Active Constructive Responding - more info at Positive Psychology News Daily).
Yet the greatest skill of true friends is that they challenge us to go further in our idea, goal, or work. Gently they provide encouragement by pushing and prodding us to continue on our journey. And they journey with us as much as possible to help us through the difficult times.
Whether you are looking for true friends, or trying to be a good friend, these are the qualities that encourage greatness in others. Remember Mark Twain is right, "the really great make you believe that you too can be great".
Monday, August 9, 2010
Groundhog Day
Many of us experience the reality of doing the same work, task, sales pitch over and over. Currently I'm heading north to facilitate the same workshop I've lead at least 3 times a day for most of the summer. Yes, there is something to be said for repetition creating predictable, repeatable success, but after a while you have to wonder how to be great every time when you not even sure if your repeating yourself. Yet greatness unveils itself in how we ritualize success yet keep our work fresh.
Bill Murray starred in “Groundhog Day” and whether you enjoyed it or not, there are some personal greatness lessons to be learned from the film. In the film Murray keeps living the same day, Groundhog Day, over and over again ostensibly until he gets it right. But it is a good analogy of how great individuals continue to excel by fixing their mistakes, capitalizing on success and keeping things fresh.
Fix your mistakes. One of the keys to success is to realize how an action, a comment, a decision hindered the process. Identify the mistake and correct it. But don't spend too much time on this. This is where most people get stuck. Fix it and move on.
Capitalize on your successes. If you do something repetitively, experts point out that you need to debrief your success more than your failure. If you have an unexpected success one of the many times you perform a task, take the time to think about what was different and memorize it so you can repeat it next time. Create your own predictable, repeatable success.
Freshen things up. Seems like this contradicts the previous suggestion especially once you've got things going well, but the reality is that you need to continuously inject new energy into what you do. Finding ways to freshen things up helps you approach the same task differently. Some writers move their desk so they will have a different perspective. Actors focus on a different aspect of their character to enhance the role. Facilitators draw participants into the discussion to engender different dialogue. Even musicians change up their performance to enhance both their enjoyment as well as that of the audience.
Personal greatness is a complex balance between repetition and ingenuity. Examining what you do, creating predictable repeatable success, and then allowing it to evolve not only keeps your actions fresh, it allows development even in those tasks you do over and over again. Since for some of us every day is Groundhog Day, wouldn't it be great if it just keeps getting better.
Bill Murray starred in “Groundhog Day” and whether you enjoyed it or not, there are some personal greatness lessons to be learned from the film. In the film Murray keeps living the same day, Groundhog Day, over and over again ostensibly until he gets it right. But it is a good analogy of how great individuals continue to excel by fixing their mistakes, capitalizing on success and keeping things fresh.
Fix your mistakes. One of the keys to success is to realize how an action, a comment, a decision hindered the process. Identify the mistake and correct it. But don't spend too much time on this. This is where most people get stuck. Fix it and move on.
Capitalize on your successes. If you do something repetitively, experts point out that you need to debrief your success more than your failure. If you have an unexpected success one of the many times you perform a task, take the time to think about what was different and memorize it so you can repeat it next time. Create your own predictable, repeatable success.
Freshen things up. Seems like this contradicts the previous suggestion especially once you've got things going well, but the reality is that you need to continuously inject new energy into what you do. Finding ways to freshen things up helps you approach the same task differently. Some writers move their desk so they will have a different perspective. Actors focus on a different aspect of their character to enhance the role. Facilitators draw participants into the discussion to engender different dialogue. Even musicians change up their performance to enhance both their enjoyment as well as that of the audience.
Personal greatness is a complex balance between repetition and ingenuity. Examining what you do, creating predictable repeatable success, and then allowing it to evolve not only keeps your actions fresh, it allows development even in those tasks you do over and over again. Since for some of us every day is Groundhog Day, wouldn't it be great if it just keeps getting better.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Triathlon: Dream it, Plan it, Achieve it.
Two years ago I stood on the Asbury Park boardwalk and watched in amazement as athletes young and old swam, biked and ran through a grueling triathlon. I was awestruck as I thought of the time and energy it took every participant to even complete the event. Though it was not the "ironman" event we see on tv, it was enough to leave me cheering for every athlete as they made their way to the finish line.
Dream it. From that moment, each time I saw runners on the boardwalk, or bikes speeding by me, or swimmers in the swells off the beach I wondered what that feeling was like. What was it like to push yourself farther than you ever thought? I dreamt of running a triathlon. But dreams can either be the illusions of unfulfilled hopes or the springboards for reality. By allowing myself to dream I planted the seeds that would grow to fruition. Because dreaming is only the beginning. Success depends on what we do with our dreams.
Plan it. Earlier this year, Jan, my business partner, saw that there was going to be a woman's triathlon in Asbury Park in August. I've always encouraged Jan and immediately told her I would be her coach for the event. She countered by suggesting "You always are willing to work out to support someone else. Why don't you see if there is a triathlon and do it yourself?" I found the Metroman Triathlon and took a week to finally sign up. Now I was committed. Yet planning is always difficult. I had tons of excuses between my business and my life why I could not train for the event. But I made as much time as I could, planning it out carefully to ensure I could finish the event.
A good friend, Brendan, chose to run it with me and he "planned" through incredible research about things we needed to know to run a triathlon. We planned nutrition, exercise, stretching, strength training. Planning does not just encompass the event, but all of the other parts.
Achieve it. July 18th dawned bright and hot. Even the water was 78 degrees. More than anything else I was conscious of enjoying the event. So often we prepare for a day only to have the day speed by without us being conscious of it. I remember the swim even in the heavy swells, the joy of coming ashore. I laughed at the reality of trying to pull on a tight shirt over a wet torso and jumping on my bike. And I remember the grind of the last mile run when I wanted to give up. But I achieved it.
There is nothing that can't be accomplished through that simple three step process. But it all starts with the dreaming. So, what are you dreaming about?
Dream it. From that moment, each time I saw runners on the boardwalk, or bikes speeding by me, or swimmers in the swells off the beach I wondered what that feeling was like. What was it like to push yourself farther than you ever thought? I dreamt of running a triathlon. But dreams can either be the illusions of unfulfilled hopes or the springboards for reality. By allowing myself to dream I planted the seeds that would grow to fruition. Because dreaming is only the beginning. Success depends on what we do with our dreams.
Plan it. Earlier this year, Jan, my business partner, saw that there was going to be a woman's triathlon in Asbury Park in August. I've always encouraged Jan and immediately told her I would be her coach for the event. She countered by suggesting "You always are willing to work out to support someone else. Why don't you see if there is a triathlon and do it yourself?" I found the Metroman Triathlon and took a week to finally sign up. Now I was committed. Yet planning is always difficult. I had tons of excuses between my business and my life why I could not train for the event. But I made as much time as I could, planning it out carefully to ensure I could finish the event.
A good friend, Brendan, chose to run it with me and he "planned" through incredible research about things we needed to know to run a triathlon. We planned nutrition, exercise, stretching, strength training. Planning does not just encompass the event, but all of the other parts.
Achieve it. July 18th dawned bright and hot. Even the water was 78 degrees. More than anything else I was conscious of enjoying the event. So often we prepare for a day only to have the day speed by without us being conscious of it. I remember the swim even in the heavy swells, the joy of coming ashore. I laughed at the reality of trying to pull on a tight shirt over a wet torso and jumping on my bike. And I remember the grind of the last mile run when I wanted to give up. But I achieved it.
There is nothing that can't be accomplished through that simple three step process. But it all starts with the dreaming. So, what are you dreaming about?
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