There Is No Such Thing As A "Life Changing" Experience

Yesterday I had a life changing experience. I was running on the boardwalk. That's it. No, really, that's it. Okay, I was also thinking while I was running and thought of how I want to live my life. That was my life changing experience. Were you expecting tsunami's or whales or a voice from the sky? That is usually the way we think of life changing experiences. Except there is no such thing. Nope, there is no such thing as a life changing experience and that's good news and bad news for all of us.

On September 11, 2001 we were in New York at the World Trade Center. Luckily Jan and I just left on the subway uptown when the first plane hit the WTC. It is a day I will never forget. Since that time I've spoken with many people who were there, most of whom say it was a life changing experience. Yet almost all admit that they have gone back to the way they were living before the event. I've been inches away from accidents that make me swear I'll change my driving forever, only to find myself driving the same as always within a week. Last year I had an event causing me to blackout and hit my head on a brick sidewalk. I changed for approximately a month. When people tell me about their life changing experiences I often find that they've not really changed. So how can we have real life changing experiences?

Life changing experiences are treasured because they seem to either impart meaning, or clarify the meaning of our lives. One of the pillars of a psychologically healthy individual is that their life has meaning. They believe that they are here for a purpose, or they are part of a larger plan, or they have something to do or a way of living that helps others. Meaning drives behavior and motivates people to continue in the face of challenges. It also promotes greater well being.

The challenge to the concept of meaning is that too often we believe we have to "find" meaning, as though some divine being is playing hide and seek with our life purpose and we win by discovering where it is hidden. It is more accurate to say we realize our life purpose and that takes place through thoughtful introspection, or perhaps a powerful experience. But it is what we do with that experience that makes all the difference.

First of all, it is not the experience that matters it is how we interpret it. Let me repeat that because it is important: it is NOT the experience that matters, it is how we interpret it. Any event can be life changing if we believe it has meaning for us. It doesn't need to be a bout with cancer, an accident or a close call. If we have a moment when we learn something profound we can choose to treasure that moment and move on from there. A dinner with your spouse or partner can profoundly affect how you view life and what is important. For me, I was not kidding about my run on the boardwalk. However the key element is that we choose what is the moment that is life changing.

Next, we have to commit to doing something differently. An event, no matter how dramatic or traumatic, will have no effect unless we commit to changing behavior. I've had friends who had bouts with cancer who, though they were frightened, never committed to living differently. They were not life changing experiences. The commitment comes when we identify what behavior we will change and what we will do instead.

Finally for something to be life changing we have to stay with it. I'm great at doing something for a week, but I've got to find ways to remind myself daily so I continue to live it. The people around me need to know my commitment so they can support me. And I've got to find ways to get back on track when I'm not living the new way.

Today can be a life changing experience if we let it. Any moment offers possibilities of lessons that change our life for the better, if we only choose to listen. But once we've heard the lessons, in order for them to take root, we have to have the discipline to apply them. As for me, I'm gonna get out for a run on the boardwalk and see if I can have another experience. Maybe this time I'll be disciplined enough to make it stick and make it "life changing."