Ban Commercials

I love Tivo or DVRs because you can skip all the commercials. Online shows, even though we can see them in their entirety, have commercials before them that we have to download and listen to before the show. Even that small amount of commercial time can affect us. Why? Because commercials are designed to make us feel like we lack something; something that we need or have to be in order to feel okay. They strive to make us feel inadequate. And they do a darn good job about it.

Essentially commercials stir up feelings of inadequacy by suggesting that we would be happier, healthier, and more loved if we buy their product. We see visions of immaculate skin with no wrinkles, ripped abs, and toned arms. Glistening new cars spin toward us on water-slicked roadways and lure us to believe we would be cooler if we drove them. Even cereal products promise more family harmony because they bring love in the morning. Really? Who are they kidding?

The temptation, caused by comparison, is to overcome our lesser position by "buying into" the cool set. It's like being in high school for the rest of our lives. Just trying to get to the table with the cool kids. And so with the right clothes, car, look, and computer, I can be one of the cool kids. It won't happen because comparisons are odious.

I will never look like Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise. I won't have the "cool" of George Clooney (I also probably won't have his money). At the end of the day, I will just be me and the sooner I accept that, the better off my life will be. Yet TV and magazines will pummel me with images of what I could be if I buy, drive, or wear something different. Somehow we've got to stop the madness.

In reality we are who and what we are. Trying to better ourselves through education or fitness enhances our total well-being, but trying to buy into having a cool life will only end in frustration. The sooner we can look into the mirror and love who we are (even though we might still push ourselves) the sooner we will have a sense of peace instead of a sense of inadequacy.

Ask yourself honestly. When you look in the mirror, or look at your life do you have a desire to be something or someone else? If so, is it really an inner drive to enhance your life, or a brainwashing that you have to be like someone else? If it is an inner drive to enhance your life, then pursue it. But if you realize that it is just Madison Avenue talking and making you feel inadequate take another look. You are wonderful, we are all wonderful as we are. Some of us have a desire to improve and that is fine. But even on the journey we are all still wonderful, valuable, good, cool, people. We just have to stop comparing and start accepting.

Comparisons Are Odious

I'm a competitor. There, it's out. Not that this is any surprise for any of my friends and acquaintances. Though I've tried to tame my competitive spirit over the years, I've not succeeded. Essentially I've stopped talking about it and tried to hide my feelings. But seriously, for those of us who are competitive, it's tough to shake. My competitive self comes alive in everything from cards, to sports, writing, speaking, business - you name it, and I'll compete in it. The upside is that competition has made me better in many areas and so it can be a useful tool in striving for personal greatness. The downside is that competition is based on comparisons and as Barry Schwartz puts it so well "comparisons are odious."

Competition drives us to be better in the things we attempt to do. When we examine our role models in the various dimensions where we want to succeed, we raise our sights on what we believe we are capable of doing. We broaden our concepts of how we will attempt to succeed in our endeavors and hopefully learn from our role models what other aspects of our discipline we wish to develop. So competition can have an upside.

Yet the cost of competition, especially the constant comparison to others, comes at a hefty price. If our comparisons always find us lacking in some capacity, eventually that will impact our self-image, our happiness and ultimately our well-being. The poem/prayer Desiderata offered "If you compare yourself to others you may become vain or bitter, for always there are greater and lesser persons than yourself." The phrase "keeping up with the Joneses" encapsulates the idea of comparison with our neighbors, but with TV and the internet we have the opportunity of comparing ourselves constantly against a much higher bar and it can leave us feeling drained and worn out.

Once again, balance is key. Utilizing our skills and abilities to their maximum is shown to increase experiences of "flow" and a growth in self-esteem. When we push ourselves to attain the next level in whatever our discipline, we can enjoy more positive emotions and a higher level of happiness. The discipline is to compete with ourselves after examining what others are doing. We can learn from them what might be the next level in our discipline, but then we have to create our own goals, so that we are not comparing ourselves to them, but to what we believe we can achieve.

Competition can be a tool, if used well, in moving toward our personal greatness. When balanced it will push us toward the best we can be, but in a competition against ourselves.