Life is a Contact Sport

In our leadership session today someone quoted Marshall Goldsmith that “leadership is a contact sport.” The quote struck me as being applicable not only to leadership, but especially to life. Life is a contact sport. Who we connect with, how we connect and the depth of our contacts can greatly influence our well-being. Yet sadly, more of us are alone now than ever before.

Have you ever stood in a crowded room and felt very alone? When was the last time you were in a big city with people rushing around and you longed for a small room with a few friends or a loved one? Have you recently had the experience of speaking with someone who seemed preoccupied with everything (their phone, texts or emails) other than you? Welcome to the contact-free world.

Here in Japan this week I am definitely a foreigner. That doesn’t disturb me because I’m in this position fairly frequently. However what struck me on this trip is the lack of contact between so many of us. People pass each other without even a nod. There is little or no recognition of others unless they are in a small circle of friends or family and even then I watch as friends and family are distracted by the bings, beeps and buzzes of their mobile devices. It seems that many people walk through life as strangers and die alone.

Wow, that seems so depressing even as I write it, but I’m aware that we can choose to change that. Real life is a contact sport. When we connect with others, share life’s journeys and struggles, or minimally greet each other and acknowledge each other, life changes. It is elevated in the common joys and tears that we all share. There are some people who make the time to talk, eat, laugh, and experience life with others. It doesn’t mean we have to marry (though I enjoy that) but just make time to be with others.

Why do we hesitate? I don’t know. I know my hesitation to speak to others is that I don’t know how it will be received. But I know that as a stranger in a city I’ve had some interesting conversations with strangers which have transformed moments. We have shared a laugh, an insight, a frustration and momentarily in the mass of humanity, we made contact.

It doesn’t take much to reach out. It doesn’t take much to say hi, or to comment on some experience. Hey, what’s the worst that could happen? Someone gives you a nasty look and walks away. But many times you will make a connection and both of you will be better for it.

Life was made for contact. Maybe we can “go it alone” but the question arises, why should we? Actually it’s easier being in Tokyo. If I ask a question most people will respond just to help me out. But any of us can greet someone, answer a question, or make a connection. Contact changes everyone and it makes things better.