A Day of Transformation

Remembering September 11th 2001  memorializes the heroes who gave their lives trying to save others, but it should also remind us of what's important to us. So many people thought their lives would change forever that day. We would be kinder, love our families more, choose the more important things in life first and cherish each moment. Ah, then life comes along, we get on the treadmill and the next thing we know we are years away and have fallen back into the same ruts.

The morning of September 11, 2001 dawned bright, clear and crisp over New York. Jan and I had business in midtown so we took the Path train over to New York and had breakfast at a cafe in the World Trade Center. After a leisurely breakfast, we took the subway to midtown only to find fear and confusion when we arrived at our destination. The first plane had hit the Twin Towers after we left. In the events that followed I've never been prouder of my fellow NewYorkers and all the others who were in Manhattan that day. It was us at our best.

Why does it sometimes take tragedy to bring out the best in ourselves? Why do we need to lose or almost lose something in order for it to become important again? As we walked down toward the towers that day the streets were eerily quiet. The only sound were the radios playing news of the attack and people comforting one another. But what we saw was the best of who we can be.

People were amazingly considerate to strangers. Giving out water, helping people with directions, speaking gently and kindly. Everywhere we went people were speaking about those they loved and hoping they were okay. The frustration of trying to leave messages for family and friends was evident and people rejoiced when they got through. And people began to think about what was important to them and what they wanted to live for.

Curiously in that moment of national tragedy and loss we saw the best that people can be. They were transformed into generous, kind, unselfish human beings. Perhaps this day can serve as a memorial both to those who gave their lives and perhaps to the rest of us, for those who found their lives that day. I pray that we don't need tragedy to bring out our best, or to understand what is really important to us. Perhaps just a day when we remember. It can transform our lives.

How to Pack Your Suitcase and Save Brain Power

Packing for Seattle yesterday morning I realized how much brain power I was saving. I’ve packed so many times that it is rote memory at this point. How my shoes go in, where I put my razor, how my tee shirts are packed. And even though I’m adding some vacation time to this business trip, it added only a moment’s hesitation. Very little brain power was used in this packing.

So, why is that important? Recent research indicates that we use up brain power as we make decisions. Even the little decisions such as which cereal we eat, depletes our brain power. Now, think of how many choices we have in a day. We probably have hundreds before we leave the house in the morning. The problem is that as the day progresses and our brain become tired (to use a very unscientific term) we start making decisions based more on gut instinct, or the easiest choice rather than thinking about them. Essentially we become stupid.

There is a way to give the brain a break. Create good habits. I’m not talking about the good habits of what we eat or how we behave, though those are necessary in society. I’m talking about taking away the thinking involved in the mundane tasks so that we can have the brain power left over to use on the difficult ones.

Simply put, be boring in some areas of your life. It’s okay. Though some people say that creativity is enhanced when you drive to work a different way, or brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand (that’s tough) but I’d rather save my creativity for writing or music. And I’d rather save my brain power for some important decision-making.

Think about it. When you awake in the morning knowing what you are wearing (even if you didn’t put it out the night before) and you eat the same (hopefully nutritious) breakfast, you’ve saved yourself from having to make all of those decisions. It makes the day easier.

Since I fly so much out of Newark Airport I always park in the same aisle. That way, when I get off a plane I never have to think where my car is. It’s always in the same place. I do the same with my glasses and wallet when I enter my house. I never have to think about it. It saves me time and brain power.

So, what good habits can you adopt especially with those things you do on a regular basis? Find a routine you don’t have to think about and imbed it into your daily life. It makes life much easier to live and it gives you some left over brain power for those difficult decisions like what movie to watch on the flight? 

Five Regrets of the Dying

I just read an interesting essay by Bronnie Ware about the five regrets of the dying. Apparently she also just published a book by that title. In her role as a palliative care nurse she listened as dying patients voiced what they regretted most in life. None of the regrets were earth-shaking. Most of them we would already guess. What interested me is that if all of this is so obvious, how come so many people are still regretting these things on their death bed? I mean really, if you know that hitting yourself with a hammer hurts, why do it? So let's look over the five regrets and see what we need to do to avoid them.

The first regret is that people ignored their dreams. I understand this. It's easy to let life take over and the next thing you look back and many years have gone by and you wonder what happened. But I think the challenge is deeper than that. Many of us as we came into adulthood stopped dreaming. I'm not talking about dreaming of singing at Carnegie Hall, though that might be your dream, but even little dreams about things you want to try or places you want to visit. Hey, start dreaming again and then pick one, even a  small one and go for it. It can really change your life.

Second, people regretted they worked too much. The regret stemmed from the fact that it took them away from family and loved ones. Again, this is very understandable, especially in our economy when we need any job we have. More of the challenge comes when we are not working. Is the time spent with our loved ones quality time? Are we truly present when we are home? We might find that this helps us want to get out of the office faster because the time at home is so wonderful.

Third, people regretted that they didn't speak up. This could be taken so many different ways, but I view it as the ability to be honest about both the good and the bad. Apparently people regretted they had not said what was necessary and had held grudges or resentments inside. Yet there is a broader context for this regret. What about all those things you want to say to loved ones, family or friends and you never do because you think they already know? Say it. Tell them you love them and tell them why. You will feel better and it might resolve issues, or bring someone closer.

Fourth, people regretted losing touch with friends. Our society now allows us the possibility of reaching out and touching someone around the planet. Yet there is no replacement for a face to face conversation. Taking time to dine with friends, or just talk is restorative. And the rest of life will still be there when we are finished.

Finally, people regretted that they did not choose to be happy. Out of all the regrets this was the one that surprised me the most. Not because I think that people want to be miserable, but because they realized too late that happiness was a choice. Every day we have the decision of how we will react to the world around us. We can choose to enjoy the sunrises and sunsets, the laughter of children and the way ice cream melts. We can choose to sing songs, or greet strangers with a smile. Or we can choose to be miserable and claim that life is hard. Yep, it is hard. And we can choose to make it harder by our attitude.

I don't intend to die soon, and I'm sure none of you do, but let's face it we don't know the day or the hour. These regrets are simple things to fix and it just takes a little time. So, pick a dream, take a day off, speak your mind, meet a friend and choose to be happy. You won't regret it.