What is Your Passion?

Do you have a passion, something you love to do, that is a part of who you are? Do you know that having a passion can lead to higher life satisfaction, vitality and meaning in life? Yep. Well, as long as the passion is in balance. There is always a "but."

My passion was basketball. For a period in my life I played for hours and hours a day. This wasn't when I was a kid (though that's when the passion started) this was as a young adult. I would take time in the middle of a day to get into a game. I was late to meetings and dinners because I played too long ("just one more game" I told myself.) It was so serious that it became an obsessive passion. Obsessive passion is defined as a passion that is out of control. The passion starts to intrude on the other parts of life so much so that there is little or no balance. Luckily I saw it happening and backed off my playing time. Now I still enjoy a game, but there is plenty of other things to do.

Studies show that 75-80% of those surveyed have at least one passion. A harmonious passion is defined as something you love to do that is internalized and becomes part of how you define yourself but it is in harmony with all of the other parts of your life. For years I told people that I was a basketball player. Not very good, a little too short and slow, but I love the game. It was part of my identity. The benefits are  substantial. Bob Vallerand,Ph.D has found that people who have a passion, aside from the higher life satisfaction I already mentioned, have lower rates of conflict and burnout, fewer chronic injuries and overall higher well being.

So, what's your passion? You can have more than one. If you don't have one, it is possible to develop a passion. Start by identifying some activity that you enjoy doing. Next develop your skill in the activity and examine if it is becoming part of how you identify yourself. Once you allow it to become a part of your, it has developed into a passion. Now, just enjoy the moments it gives you.

I don't get the chance to play basketball much anymore because I can't find a good local gym in Asbury Park to play. But I have other passions and this is one of them.I love to write. I love words and how they form ideas. I have the benefit of sharing with you and just enjoying the moment. So try it. Find your passion. It feels great.

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

The clean up continues this week as I prepare my house for sale. Yesterday I spent much of the day pulling all of the stuff out of the garage, sweeping out an amazing amount of spiders with eggs and webs (I have a slight arachnophobia - not fun) , and then putting all the stuff back in. What stuck me in the process is how much I love manual labor. Not that I could make it my life's work, but I really enjoy seeing a finished project. Whether painting, building a wall, digging a garden, or any project, I can see the progress and I can see the completion. The same thing happens when I write. But what's the marker or end game in personal development? How do we know we are making progress?

Most of us can't see ourselves as others do. That's pretty obvious. Yet we really don't see ourselves as we are.  Studies indicate that even looking in a mirror (now there's a dose of reality) that women typically see themselves as 5 pounds heavier than they actually are and men see themselves as 5 pounds lighter than they are. Our self perceptions are not very honest because they contain all of the biases (social and otherwise) that people have heaped on us all of our lives. So when we move toward being our best self part of the challenge is understanding how to determine that we've made progress.

If you really want to develop personally one of the best ways is to get a friend, a coach, or just someone you can trust to give you honest feedback. Tell them what area of your life you are developing and let them be your mirror. Working on personal development over the past year I continually ask my partner and best friend how I'm doing.  They know what I'm working on. They know how it manifests itself and they are honest when I miss the mark and when I'm doing well. It's not easy to hear sometimes, (okay, it's not easy to hear most of the time) but it's real. They are the true mirror for me. And they can tell me when I am progressing toward my personal goal. So pick someone who can be an honest, authentic mirror for you.

Additionally aside from our own personal development, we can help others. I've always love the holiday classic "It's a Wonderful Life" in which Henry Fonda plays George Bailey, a man who has no idea of the positive effect he has had on others. I think most of us are like that. People have no idea how they connect with those around them for good or for bad. So we can be the mirror for other people. When we've been affected by those around us. When they've helped us in some way, given us advice, or just a helping hand, we've got to tell them. People need to learn when they've done something wonderful for others. Perhaps then more of the world will realize that we are mostly good people striving to make a difference.

Mirrors are not pretty because they reflect reality. They show us (for good or bad) how we are progressing toward a goal. But very often they reflect the mindset of the person looking into the glass. Personal growth is difficult to see unless we have people act as our mirrors. We need them to help us see how we've developed or not. But we can also be the mirror for others. They can learn what they have meant to us and how they've affected our life. That is a great way to see progress. That is a real mirror.

Afraid to Taste Something? You Might Be Holding Yourself Back.

Working in Tokyo this week there are multiple opportunities for me to try different foods; foods that I don’t normally eat, and some foods that I’m not even sure what they are. At lunchtime the company delivers “Bento boxes” to the training room. As I gaze into the box I’m aware of two things. First, I never knew that food came in these colors. Second, I have no idea what I’m about to eat. What struck me about my gestational challenge was the similarity to moving toward personal greatness. Let me explain.

Most of us are creatures of habit. We get up at approximately the same time, tend to wear our favorite clothes, keep roughly the same schedule and eat most of the same things. As habitual creatures, we also tend to process information the same way, trust the same data, reinforce what we already believe and eventually create ruts for ourselves. These ruts are more critical than just making us boring people. They might be hindering us from fully exploring our personal greatness. Why? Because the old saying is very true: “if you always do what you always did you’ll always get what you always got.”

Exploring new ways of doing things, or new ideas is challenging. We might not like what we see or experience. It is venturing into uncertainty and that can be frightening. So it is easier to return to that which is comfortable, that which we know. But the challenge is that we won’t broaden our knowledge or experience and we will be limited in our choices.

Of course trying new things can happen within the structure of some certainty. For example, I know that here in Japan the boxes that arrive every day in the training room won’t poison me or make me sick because the company that hired me isn’t going to poison its employees. And, as I sit down to lunch with those in my session, they are eating what’s in front of them. Yet even with this certainty I won’t ask what I’m eating until after I’ve tasted it. Why? Because I know I have my concepts about what I will or won’t like and it helps to ignore those sometimes. I’ve learned to like seaweed.

Growth and development require new ideas, new ways of doing things, new practices and habits. Our unwillingness to try new things simply gets in the way of our personal growth. Pick one area of your life to try something new. Just that experience alone might unlock your willingness in other areas. And besides, you might find that when you taste something new, you like it. 

China: What Can We Learn From Them?

My recent trip to Beijing confirmed what I learned on my first trip last year. China is a country in search of a vision. She doesn't really know what she wants to be. My driver took me on unplanned routes past new empty factories and housing developments.  They were built to emphasize the new growth of China, but are not yet affordable to the people. He took me past the national museum with the brand new statue of Confucius outside and said that the government was reintroducing Confucius because communism was failing. Capitalism has been introduced, but regulated unevenly; at times with a heavy hand and other times the government looks away. China has built brand new internal airports only to have them sit empty and still they intend to build the largest airport in the world in Beijing. Where are they going? What are they trying to be?

Mao's Mausoleum

There is no doubt of the growth in China. They are moving at a very rapid pace toward new technologies and innovative ideas. Their new architecture is amazing by any city's standards. But once you look past the surface, the growth is uneven and haphazard. This is a country in search of a vision; they don't know who they want to be.

Individual, organizational and national growth depend on a few characteristics; the freedom to grow, innovative ideas, resources to develop those ideas, and a clear direction. China has all but the last characteristic. Their history illuminates the development from fiefdoms, to a powerful imperial dynasty, then a strong communist state, and now, well, not really anything.

Any of us can learn from their challenges. I've met with countless individuals who had the freedom, ideas, and resources to be amazing at whatever they chose. The challenge was that they never chose. I've struggled with that same challenge. When there are so many avenues to choose to try new things, it's difficult to pick one because you worry you will chose incorrectly, or leave a good road behind.

However the poison of indecision is far more insidious than we realize. Trapped in not choosing a direction, we wallow in perpetual mediocrity, or occasion triumphs only to sink back into uncertainty. To achieve our best, we need a direction.

Sometimes, for me, it is as simple as picking a direction I really believe I want my life to move and taking a few steps. I've learned that sometimes it becomes very clear, very quickly that it is the wrong direction and I can retrace my steps and head another way. But I've clarified my direction and eliminated a road for the future. That is worth the attempt. Sometimes I choose well and it feels like everything clicks into place as I move toward my vision.

Ask yourself: what's my vision for myself, or for my organization or family? Is it clear to me? Is it clear to others? Once you have identified your vision strive for it with everything you have because all your energies will be focused in the same direction and you will more likely succeed.