Maybe You Don't Have to Set Goals

Almost all of the self-help books blather on repeatedly about the importance of goal setting. They imply that you will never get anywhere if you don't set goals. They also imply (which is worse) that you need to know what you want to do with your life at an early age and set up goals and benchmarks along the way. That is fine for some people (like me) but it doesn't work for everyone. What about those people who succeed simply by living their lives?

Don't get me wrong, I believe in setting goals. I've done it for years and guided my life through the goals I've set for myself and the achievements I've checked off my list. However, I also believe in spontaneity and opportunism and the more I study great individuals, the more I'm learning about the power of the moment.

Most of us didn't have a revelation of our own greatness as a child and determinedly march toward that goal. Yet we hear stories of world champions like Serena Williams or Tiger Woods who determined from early childhood that they would be number one in the world in their sport. And we are told that in order to achieve greatness, we have to do the same. Not true.

Recently I watched the story of Coco Chanel, who became one of the greatest designers known the world over for her simple, elegant style. Coco didn't have any goals or dreams of being a designer. At one point she may have had a dream of being a famous singer (that didn't happen). But all Coco was trying to do was survive. It just so happened that she was in the right place at the right time and did her job (making hats) very well.

For some of us, that is the way we will attain our personal greatness. Life moves on and we strive to survive. We go to work, prepare food, perhaps raise children and we do it the best we can. I've discovered that two things can elevate our life and work. One is to do the absolute best at what you are doing right now, no matter what it is. People get noticed, promoted, or given opportunities when they stand out. The key way to stand out is to do what you do exceptionally well, every day.

The second way to elevate your life is through spontaneity and opportunism. Spontaneity (almost the opposite of goal setting) is the willingness to try something new whether on the job, or at home. You might find a new way to do something, or a job you enjoy more. Opportunism is the skill of being aware of possibilities that come into your life. Every day there are opportunities to meet new people, do new things, take on new tasks and step into something you love. The skill of noticing when these happen is key to unlocking great things in your life.

Let's face it, all of the best self-help books can tell some of you to set goals and it won't happen. However, all of us (even us goal-setters) can benefit from some spontaneity and opportunism. Look around you. Your dream job, or new time in life might be right in front of you. You just have to recognize it and take the step.

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

The clean up continues this week as I prepare my house for sale. Yesterday I spent much of the day pulling all of the stuff out of the garage, sweeping out an amazing amount of spiders with eggs and webs (I have a slight arachnophobia - not fun) , and then putting all the stuff back in. What stuck me in the process is how much I love manual labor. Not that I could make it my life's work, but I really enjoy seeing a finished project. Whether painting, building a wall, digging a garden, or any project, I can see the progress and I can see the completion. The same thing happens when I write. But what's the marker or end game in personal development? How do we know we are making progress?

Most of us can't see ourselves as others do. That's pretty obvious. Yet we really don't see ourselves as we are.  Studies indicate that even looking in a mirror (now there's a dose of reality) that women typically see themselves as 5 pounds heavier than they actually are and men see themselves as 5 pounds lighter than they are. Our self perceptions are not very honest because they contain all of the biases (social and otherwise) that people have heaped on us all of our lives. So when we move toward being our best self part of the challenge is understanding how to determine that we've made progress.

If you really want to develop personally one of the best ways is to get a friend, a coach, or just someone you can trust to give you honest feedback. Tell them what area of your life you are developing and let them be your mirror. Working on personal development over the past year I continually ask my partner and best friend how I'm doing.  They know what I'm working on. They know how it manifests itself and they are honest when I miss the mark and when I'm doing well. It's not easy to hear sometimes, (okay, it's not easy to hear most of the time) but it's real. They are the true mirror for me. And they can tell me when I am progressing toward my personal goal. So pick someone who can be an honest, authentic mirror for you.

Additionally aside from our own personal development, we can help others. I've always love the holiday classic "It's a Wonderful Life" in which Henry Fonda plays George Bailey, a man who has no idea of the positive effect he has had on others. I think most of us are like that. People have no idea how they connect with those around them for good or for bad. So we can be the mirror for other people. When we've been affected by those around us. When they've helped us in some way, given us advice, or just a helping hand, we've got to tell them. People need to learn when they've done something wonderful for others. Perhaps then more of the world will realize that we are mostly good people striving to make a difference.

Mirrors are not pretty because they reflect reality. They show us (for good or bad) how we are progressing toward a goal. But very often they reflect the mindset of the person looking into the glass. Personal growth is difficult to see unless we have people act as our mirrors. We need them to help us see how we've developed or not. But we can also be the mirror for others. They can learn what they have meant to us and how they've affected our life. That is a great way to see progress. That is a real mirror.

China: What Can We Learn From Them?

My recent trip to Beijing confirmed what I learned on my first trip last year. China is a country in search of a vision. She doesn't really know what she wants to be. My driver took me on unplanned routes past new empty factories and housing developments.  They were built to emphasize the new growth of China, but are not yet affordable to the people. He took me past the national museum with the brand new statue of Confucius outside and said that the government was reintroducing Confucius because communism was failing. Capitalism has been introduced, but regulated unevenly; at times with a heavy hand and other times the government looks away. China has built brand new internal airports only to have them sit empty and still they intend to build the largest airport in the world in Beijing. Where are they going? What are they trying to be?

Mao's Mausoleum

There is no doubt of the growth in China. They are moving at a very rapid pace toward new technologies and innovative ideas. Their new architecture is amazing by any city's standards. But once you look past the surface, the growth is uneven and haphazard. This is a country in search of a vision; they don't know who they want to be.

Individual, organizational and national growth depend on a few characteristics; the freedom to grow, innovative ideas, resources to develop those ideas, and a clear direction. China has all but the last characteristic. Their history illuminates the development from fiefdoms, to a powerful imperial dynasty, then a strong communist state, and now, well, not really anything.

Any of us can learn from their challenges. I've met with countless individuals who had the freedom, ideas, and resources to be amazing at whatever they chose. The challenge was that they never chose. I've struggled with that same challenge. When there are so many avenues to choose to try new things, it's difficult to pick one because you worry you will chose incorrectly, or leave a good road behind.

However the poison of indecision is far more insidious than we realize. Trapped in not choosing a direction, we wallow in perpetual mediocrity, or occasion triumphs only to sink back into uncertainty. To achieve our best, we need a direction.

Sometimes, for me, it is as simple as picking a direction I really believe I want my life to move and taking a few steps. I've learned that sometimes it becomes very clear, very quickly that it is the wrong direction and I can retrace my steps and head another way. But I've clarified my direction and eliminated a road for the future. That is worth the attempt. Sometimes I choose well and it feels like everything clicks into place as I move toward my vision.

Ask yourself: what's my vision for myself, or for my organization or family? Is it clear to me? Is it clear to others? Once you have identified your vision strive for it with everything you have because all your energies will be focused in the same direction and you will more likely succeed.