New Year's Resolutions Are Not Dead Yet

The day has passed. Yes the world-wide day when most of us have abandoned our New Year's resolutions. At this point, we don't even look longingly back on what "might have been" but hope for better things next year. But wait! There is hope for us yet. Those longed for dreams of weight loss, exercise, writing, new work etc. still have a heart beat and can be resurrected. And all it takes is a little rethinking.

New Year's gives me hope of all the things I can accomplish. An unblemished canvas, it stretches languidly off into the 365 day distance with promises of a new start. Yet a mere 20 days later and the canvas seems grittier, dirtier and the few brush strokes on it lack the importance of impending brilliance. So what can we do?

1. Stop looking at the entire year (or the next five)

For many of us the daunting task of remaking our lives or at least some part of them shuts us down. Looking at the height we wish to achieve or the goal to accomplish just seems to much. So, the first thing some of us need to do is stop looking at the entire goal. Of course it's important to identify where we are going and why, but once that's done many of us have to get the larger goal out of our mind because it will paralyze us.

2. Choose the one thing that makes the biggest difference.

Dr. David Cooperrider asks the question "what's the smallest thing you can do to make the biggest difference?" That's a powerful question because I know I normally go for the biggest thing I can do. But Cooperrider is right. If we focus on something small, we can accomplish big things. We must break our goal down and down and down until we understand some of the behaviors that lead to that goal. For example it might mean getting up 30 minutes earlier to walk or write. Rerouting our trek to work so we don't walk by the Dunkin Donuts shop. Or just taking 10 minutes to look at the sky and think. What's the one behavior, the one thing we want to focus on?

3. Only work on the "one thing"

The greatest athletes in the world only focus on improving 1% at a time. According to Dr. Greg Wells they concentrate on one movement, one muscle, one action until they get it just right and then they move on. For us, it's about focusing on our "one thing" and getting it right. Focusing on our "one thing" can change behavior long term and help us achieve larger goals.

So, it's not over yet. The canvas of the year is yet to be painted. We just need to remember, it's just one brush stroke at a time.

There is No Such Thing as Free Choice

For years I've defended the notion that we have free choice at every moment in all of the decisions that we make. Just this past week, I facilitated a workshop on "Achieving Personal Greatness" and I convinced the 30 professionals in the room of the free choice they always have. Now I realize I'm wrong. However, knowing that we have no free choice makes a huge difference if we are to succeed at almost anything.

For example, a minute after I started writing this blog I realized that today is recycling day. So, let me ask you, do I have a free choice as to whether I take out the recycling or not? The answer is no, my choice is not free. Every choice comes at a cost and when we understand the cost and the benefits that is when we truly have full control of our lives.

To use my example, the recycling has piled up in my basement since Christmas and is impeding clear access to the basement door. The recycling truck sometimes comes very early in my neighborhood. However it is raining right now and I'm comfortable in my room. Other factors include the societal imperative to recycle to save the environment. Also I have my personal standards of efficiency and order. On the other hand, I'm not dressed yet and I'm comfortable at my desk. However, you might still be thinking I'm free to make a choice. No, I'm not. I have to pay a price for that choice and therein lies my power.

If I choose to stay at my desk, I pay the cost of an impassable basement for at least another week. If I choose to take out the recycling I pay the cost of an uninterrupted morning at my writing desk. On the other side of the decision if I take out the recycling I gain peace of mind and my basement back again. If I stay at my desk I gain a finished blog and some personal journal time. Hence, there are costs to every decision and benefits to every decision, they are not free.

Why does this matter? When we make any decision, but especially life decisions we can often feel we are not "free" to make the decision because of society, family, previous commitments or peer pressure. Many times people say to me "I can't pursue my goal because of ..."  Essentially we end up blaming someone or something else as to why we can't or won't do something. That's where we err.

When we blame someone or something for why we can't do something we give up the most powerful ability we have as rational human beings: our power of choice. The choice might not be fair, or balanced; the pressure on us might be extreme to choose one way or another, but we always have a choice in everything we do. It is just that the choice will not be free. We have to decide if it is worth the cost.

But that is what is so freeing and so frightening. Once we realize the cost of choice and that we have ultimate control then we are totally responsible for our life. That is immensely empowering.

So, the next time you have to make a decision, think carefully about it. What is the cost you pay for your choice? What are you letting go, or putting aside; what value are you upholding against another? And, of course, what is the benefit you are gaining and how does it stack up against the cost? Knowing that your life is directed by you is an amazing and scary thing.  But at least you know your life is yours because of your choices.

As for the recycling, I took it out.

The Anatomy of a Selfie

2013 brought us the height of the "selfie," a self-shot photo of oneself in a specific place, doing something interesting, or just making a face. The ultimate online scream "LOOK AT ME." Selfie even placed among the most popular words of 2013 and also one of the most argued about. Yet if we look beneath the surface of this simple act of self-portraiture, lies a culture heading in the wrong direction.

The main focus of the selfie is ME. There is no doubt about that. I am the center, I am the subject, verb, adjective, adverb in this photographic sentence. All that remains around me is commentary. Look how well I am doing. Look how much fun I'm having (and you're not). Look how good I look. Even, look how stupid I look. But the main point is ME. If this were only an assignment for a single class in self-confidence, self-awareness or self-photography it might lie passively online consumed by friends and family and quickly forgotten. Yet I believe there is a stronger tie to where our culture is going and this is only a symptom of a larger sickness.

Western societies right now are in the grip of a weltanschauung (or world view) of ME. Walking through a bookstore yesterday (yes, there are a few left) I noted that the self-help section was prominently displayed and very extensive. Yet there is not a "world-help" or "community-help" section. We scream about individual rights and that is important, but what about the rights of the society? We walk down the street in our own selfie way expecting others to move or acknowledge us, yet there is not that same respect in return.

Small breakdowns begin to occur when ME is the focus. Why should I wait for a red light when I have to be somewhere? Why should I turn off my cell phone on the plane because I'm important and I might receive an important call (or even a not important call)? Why should I obey the law when it's not convenient for me?

A weltanschauung of ME means that society is present for my benefit and those within it are meant to assist me (translate this to "serve me") when I need them to. It means that I will not give up or weaken on anything I believe even for a greater good to the community (note our lack of congress). Laws become guidelines but mostly for others if I can skirt them and not get caught (the spike in drivers running red lights). And mostly life becomes a striving for my success even at the detriment of others (Enron and Madoff).

We live in a world where we have to move together, live together and survive together. Of course, history presents us with plenty of evidence of the danger of only focusing on the welfare of the community to the detriment of the individual. The key is a balance of focus on the interest of society and the interest of the individual. When we work toward balance everyone benefits, not just the few.

So the next time you want to take a selfie, ask someone to take it for you. Someone is always willing to take a few seconds and snap the shot. It only takes a moment to be vulnerable enough to ask for help. And you will have made a connection and possibly a friend.

Let's Start a Revolution

Reading the news this weekend was an exercise in frustration. Though statistically we are supposed to be living in the most peaceful epoch of humankind the examples of barbarism, extremism, isolationism and selfishness are rampant. Additionally there is an undercurrent that hope is dead, compromise is not even considered and working for the greater good is something we read about in history books. It would be easy in the face of all this depressing news to give up and give in to the monomaniacal mindset that since everything is so bad, it's every man and woman for him or her self. Screw everyone else, it's about me! Welcome to the world of 2013.

Enough of this crap. It's time to start a revolution. There are enough of us who hope, who work with others and who want to change the world for good. Perhaps the challenge is that we have not screamed louder than the chorus of nay-sayers, nor have we pushed them aside in our building of a great world. But what do we need to dispel the darkness that obscures possibilities? I read a quote over the weekend that placed things in perspective:

"Optimism is the greatest form of rebellion."

In the face of all the negative news optimists are laughed at, ridiculed and shunted aside. Yet the belief that there are new possibilities, new ideas, and new energy is a rebellion against the tide. Rather than succumb to the overwhelming negativity or at best, apathy, we want more. By thinking of options and possibilities they don't magically appear, but we are more likely to see and grasp them when they do appear; more importantly we are willing to work for change because we believe it can happen.
This will take personal committment on the part of many of us. But what will that cost? Last Friday I spoke to a room of professionals of the power of optimism, the success it brings and the change it ferments. The claim is that optimists don't see reality as it really is. Well that's BS. The difference is that we see reality as it really is but don't allow it to win. We believe we can change reality for the good. Yet to many people optimists are obnoxious. So I asked the audience to become "obnoxious optimists." That may be the only way the world will hear another voice, another way and a powerful energy toward positive change. 

Weather Forecast for Greatness

Doesn't weather amaze you? The variations of each day; the multitudinous minuscule changes that accompany each shift in the atmosphere. Yet underlying all of the variations is an incredible consistency that we rely on. The sun rises each morning. We rotate around it in annual patterns and mostly we can predict what will happen during the various seasons because of this consistency.

Pursuing a goal, learning a skill, or ascending to the next level in anything runs according to this pattern. Yes, we need intensity to achieve great things. But if we only rely on intensity we will burn out, give up, or frustrate ourselves eventually. We need both consistency and intensity to learn or achieve anything. However

Consistency is more important than intensity.

I've learned this important lesson many times in my life as I attempted new skills, tried to attain the next level of ability in an area, or worked to achieve a goal. I'd start with incredible intensity, work for hours in a day only to have the discarded carcasses of goals, dreams and tasks litter my little office. I'm really good at intensity... for a short period. 

Studying individuals who have succeeded in amazing ways I've noticed they start with consistency. Each day, or every other day they pursue their goal, practice their skill or chip away at their project. The consistency takes on a routine and the routine propels them to completion. It is only with the foundation of consistency that intensity works. When there are those inspired moments, when you have the time to dedicate a full day to a project, or when you are driven to complete a certain phase, that intensity only helps take the consistency to a higher level. The important thing is not to give yourself a break the next day, or the next week because you have accomplished so much. Return to your practice the next day and return to your consistency. 

Predictions in weather happen because we know averages, norms, seasonal changes and conditions that drive change. Achievement and personal greatness can also be seen the same way. Whatever you want to do, develop a consistent pattern of working at it every day or every other day. Allow the intensity to arise when it will, but return to the consistency. That pattern helps forecast your success. 

Put Your Sneakers By The Door

I'm a runner. Okay, really I'm just a jogger and I usually plod along. But I'm most days you will find me outside running three to five miles. My friends ask me how I do it, how I get the discipline to run every day. Honestly, that's easy. It's become a habit. I automatically lace up my sneakers (mostly in the morning) and trek out just because it's become part of my day. I don't often think about the health benefits, or the extra food I might be able to eat. Running is just part of me.

I'm also a writer. Well, not really. I'm a blogger, who has written a few articles, a couple of books and most recently a chapter about Positive Psychology and high performance teams. However my writing, unlike my running, comes in fits and starts. At times I have to force myself to sit down and write something, anything, just to get going. But unlike those writers who say they have to write every day I havent' gotten in the habit. Why? I haven't put my sneakers by the door.

No, I haven't lost my mind. I've heard that in running one of the toughest things to do is lace up your sneakers. I disagree. The toughest thing is to put them on. When you place them where you can't miss them they are a constant reminder that they want to be worn. When I first went back to running a few years ago I put my sneakers in a very visible place as a reminder every day. Now I don't need to do that.

But what about something else you want to do? Whether you are a writer, a parent, a professional and there is something you want to improve on, or at least work at every day you can create habits. The easiest way to create a habit is to develop a ritual that you do on a consistent basis.

I've not created a ritual for my writing. For those who follow me on this blog I you know I haven't written for about a month. Though I know I write best in the morning I always find myself reading the news first, or scrolling through my emails and the next thing I know the morning has disappeared. Even running can be a distraction from my writing. A fellow artist told me the other day that he wakes up and starts writing. No distractions, no checking email. He has created the time and the space where he immediately puts words to paper (or words to screen). That might work for me. I need a visual reminder of what I want. As I open my laptop in the morning, or unscrew the top of my fountain pen I can enter a world of words and get lost in them.

Putting your sneakers by the door is a ritual reminding you to put them on. Placing your laptop or pen in a quiet area and going there the same time every day is equally as ritualistic. What is your ritual to the next thing you wish to do?

Announcing The Greatness Project Channel on Youtube

Well, it's time to try something new. What the heck, that's the way we learn right? So we are launching The Greatness Project on Youtube. We will still blog for those of us who are into the written word, but for those who like visuals we will try to place a weekly video about the latest research, findings or scientific studies that help all of us achieve our personal greatness.

Here is the link to the first video. http://youtu.be/2Zm4c5Z4fIc  We are very open to feedback and suggestions, and we want to get our information out to a wider audience.

Thanks.
Scott and Jan